The Acharnians
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Aristophanes >> The Acharnians
THE ACHARNIANS
by Aristophanes
[Translator uncredited. Footnotes have been retained because they
provide the meanings of Greek names, terms and ceremonies and explain
puns and references otherwise lost in translation. Occasional Greek words
in the footnotes have not been included. Footnote numbers, in brackets,
start anew at [1] for each piece of dialogue, and each footnote follows
immediately the dialogue to which it refers, labeled thus: f[1].
INTRODUCTION
This is the first of the series of three Comedies--'The Acharnians,' 'Peace'
and 'Lysistrata'--produced at intervals of years, the sixth, tenth and
twenty-first of the Peloponnesian War, and impressing on the Athenian
people the miseries and disasters due to it and to the scoundrels who by
their selfish and reckless policy had provoked it, the consequent ruin of
industry and, above all, agriculture, and the urgency of asking Peace. In
date it is the earliest play brought out by the author in his own name and
his first work of serious importance. It was acted at the Lenaean Festival,
in January, 426 B.C., and gained the first prize, Cratinus being second.
Its diatribes against the War and fierce criticism of the general policy of
the War party so enraged Cleon that, as already mentioned, he
endeavoured to ruin the author, who in 'The Knights' retorted by a direct
and savage personal attack on the leader of the democracy.
The plot is of the simplest. Dicaeopolis, an Athenian citizen, but a native of
Acharnae, one of the agricultural demes and one which had especially
suffered in the Lacedaemonian invasions, sick and tired of the ill-success
and miseries of the War, makes up his mind, if he fails to induce the
people to adopt his policy of "peace at any price," to conclude a private and
particular peace of his own to cover himself, his family, and his estate. The
Athenians, momentarily elated by victory and over-persuaded by the
demagogues of the day--Cleon and his henchmen, refuse to hear of such a
thing as coming to terms. Accordingly Dicaeopolis dispatches an envoy to
Sparta on his own account, who comes back presently with a selection of
specimen treaties in his pocket. The old man tastes and tries, special terms
are arranged, and the play concludes with a riotous and uproarious rustic
feast in honour of the blessings of Peace and Plenty.
Incidentally excellent fun is poked at Euripides and his dramatic methods,
which supply matter for so much witty badinage in several others of our
author's pieces.
Other specially comic incidents are: the scene where the two young
daughters of the famished Megarian are sold in the market at Athens as
suck[l]ing-pigs--a scene in which the convenient similarity of the Greek
words signifying a pig and the 'pudendum muliebre' respectively is
utilized in a whole string of ingenious and suggestive 'double entendres'
and ludicrous jokes; another where the Informer, or Market-Spy, is packed
up in a crate as crockery and carried off home by the Boeotian buyer.
The drama takes its title from the Chorus, composed of old
men of Acharnae.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
DICAEOPOLIS
HERALD
AMPHITHEUS
AMBASSADORS
PSEUDARTABAS
THEORUS
WIFE OF DICAEOPOLIS
DAUGHTER OF DICAEOPOLIS
EURIPIDES
CEPHISOPHON, servant of Euripides
LAMACHUS
ATTENDANT OF LAMACHUS
A MEGARIAN
MAIDENS, daughters of the Megarian
A BOEOTIAN
NICARCHUS
A HUSBANDMAN
A BRIDESMAID
AN INFORMER
MESSENGERS
CHORUS OF ACHARNIAN ELDERS
SCENE: The Athenian Ecclesia on the Pnyx; afterwards Dicaeopolis' house in
the country.
DICAEOPOLIS[1] (alone)
What cares have not gnawed at my heart and how few have been the
pleasures in my life! Four, to be exact, while my troubles have been
as countless as the grains of sand on the shore! Let me see! of what
value to me have been these few pleasures? Ah! I remember that I was
delighted in soul when Cleon had to disgorge those five talents;[2] I was
in ecstasy and I love the Knights for this deed; 'it is an honour to
Greece.'[3] But the day when I was impatiently awaiting a piece by
Aeschylus,[4] what tragic despair it caused me when the herald called,
"Theognis,[5] introduce your Chorus!" Just imagine how this blow struck
straight at my heart! On the other hand, what joy Dexitheus caused
me at the musical competition, when he played a Boeotian melody
on the lyre! But this year by contrast! Oh! what deadly torture
to hear Chaeris[6] perform the prelude in the Orthian mode![7]
--Never, however, since I began to bathe, has the dust hurt my
eyes as it does to-day. Still it is the day of assembly; all should be
here at daybreak, and yet the Pnyx[8] is still deserted. They are
gossiping in the marketplace, slipping hither and thither to avoid
the vermilioned rope.[9] The Prytanes[10] even do not come; they will be
late, but when they come they will push and fight each other for a
seat in the front row. They will never trouble themselves with the
question of peace. Oh! Athens! Athens! As for myself, I do not fail to
come here before all the rest, and now, finding myself alone, I groan,
yawn, stretch, break wind, and know not what to do; I make sketches in
the dust, pull out my loose hairs, muse, think of my fields, long for
peace, curse town life and regret my dear country home,[11] which never
told me to 'buy fuel, vinegar or oil'; there the word 'buy,' which
cuts me in two, was unknown; I harvested everything at will. Therefore
I have come to the assembly fully prepared to bawl, interrupt and
abuse the speakers, if they talk of anything but peace. But here come the
Prytanes, and high time too, for it is midday! As I foretold, hah! is it
not so? They are pushing and fighting for the front seats.
f[1] A name invented by Aristophanes and signifying 'a just citizen.'
f[2] Clean had received five talents from the islanders subject to Athens,
on condition that he should get the tribute payable by them reduced; when
informed of this transaction, the knights compelled him to return
the money.
f[3] A hemistich borrowed from Euripides' 'Telephus.'
f[4] The tragedies of Aeschylus continued to be played even after the
poet's death, which occurred in 436 B.C., ten years before the production
of 'The Acharnians.'
f[5] A tragic poet, whose pieces were so devoid of warmth and life that he
was nicknamed [the Greek for] 'snow.'
f[6] A bad musician, frequently ridiculed by Aristophanes; he played both
the lyre and the flute.
f[7] A lively and elevated method.
f[8] A hill near the Acropolis, where the Assemblies were held.
f[9] Several means were used to force citizens to attend the assemblies;
the shops were closed; circulation was only permitted in those streets which
led to the Pnyx; finally, a rope covered with vermilion was drawn round those
who dallied in the Agora (the market-place), and the late-comers, ear-
marked by the imprint of the rope, were fined.
f[10] Magistrates who, with the Archons and the Epistatae, shared the care
of holding and directing the assemblies of the people; they were fifty
in number.
f[11] The Peloponnesian War had already, at the date of the representation
of 'The Acharnians,' lasted five years, 431-426 B.C.; driven from their lands
by the successive Lacedaemonian invasions, the people throughout the
country had been compelled to seek shelter behind the walls of Athens.
HERALD
Move on up, move on, move on, to get within the consecrated area.[1]
f[1] Shortly before the meeting of the Assembly, a number of young pigs
were immolated and a few drops of their blood were sprinkled on the
seats of the Prytanes; this sacrifice was in honour of Ceres.
AMPHITHEUS
Has anyone spoken yet?
HERALD
Who asks to speak?
AMPHITHEUS
I do.
HERALD
Your name?
AMPHITHEUS
Amphitheus.
HERALD
You are no man.[1]
f[1] The name, Amphitheus, contains [the Greek] word [for] 'god.'
AMPHITHEUS
No! I am an immortal! Amphitheus was the son of Ceres and
Triptolemus; of him was born Celeus. Celeus wedded Phaenerete, my
grandmother, whose son was Lucinus, and, being born of him I am an
immortal; it is to me alone that the gods have entrusted the duty of
treating with the Lacedaemonians. But, citizens, though I am immortal,
I am dying of hunger; the Prytanes give me naught.[1]
f[1] Amongst other duties, it was the office of the Prytanes to look after
the wants of the poor.
A PRYTANIS
Guards!
AMPHITHEUS
Oh, Triptolemus and Ceres, do ye thus forsake your own blood?
DICAEOPOLIS
Prytanes, in expelling this citizen, you are offering an outrage
to the Assembly. He only desired to secure peace for us and to sheathe
the sword.
PRYTANIS
Sit down and keep silence!
DICAEOPOLIS
No, by Apollo, I will not, unless you are going to discuss the
question of peace.
HERALD
The ambassadors, who are returned from the Court of the King!
DICAEOPOLIS
Of what King? I am sick of all those fine birds, the peacock
ambassadors and their swagger.
HERALD
Silence!
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh! oh! by Ecbatana,[1] what a costume!
f[1] The summer residence of the Great King.
AN AMBASSADOR
During the archonship of Euthymenes, you sent us to the Great King
on a salary of two drachmae per diem.
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! those poor drachmae!
AMBASSADOR
We suffered horribly on the plains of the Cayster, sleeping under a tent,
stretched deliciously on fine chariots, half dead with weariness.
DICAEOPOLIS
And I was very much at ease, lying on the straw along the
battlements![1]
f[1] Referring to the hardships he had endured garrisoning the walls of
Athens during the Lacedaemonian invasions early in the War.
AMBASSADOR
Everywhere we were well received and forced to drink delicious
wine out of golden or crystal flagons....
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh, city of Cranaus,[1] thy ambassadors are laughing at thee!
f[1] Cranaus, the second king of Athens, the successor of Cecrops.
AMBASSADOR
For great feeders and heavy drinkers are alone esteemed as men
by the barbarians.
DICAEOPOLIS
Just as here in Athens, we only esteem the most drunken debauchees.
AMBASSADOR
At the end of the fourth year we reached the King's Court, but
he had left with his whole army to ease himself, and for the space of
eight months he was thus easing himself in the midst of the golden
mountains.[1]
f[1] Lucian, in his 'Hermotimus,' speaks of these golden mountains as an
apocryphal land of wonders and prodigies.
DICAEOPOLIS
And how long was he replacing his dress?
AMBASSADOR
The whole period of a full moon; after which he returned to his palace;
then he entertained us and had us served with oxen roasted whole
in an oven.
DICAEOPOLIS
Who ever saw an oxen baked in an oven? What a lie!
AMBASSADOR
On my honour, he also had us served with a bird three
times as large as Cleonymus,[1] and called the Boaster.
f[1] Cleonymus was an Athenian general of exceptionally tall stature;
Aristophanes incessantly rallies him for his cowardice; he had cast away
his buckler in a fight.
DICAEOPOLIS
And do we give you two drachmae, that you should treat us to all
this humbug?
AMBASSADOR
We are bringing to you Pseudartabas[1], the King's Eye.
f[1] A name borne by certain officials of the King of Persia. The actor of
this part wore a mask, fitted with a single eye of great size.
DICAEOPOLIS
I would a crow might pluck out thine with his beak, you cursed
ambassador!
HERALD
The King's Eye!
DICAEOPOLIS
Eh! Great Gods! Friend, with thy great eye, round like the hole through
which the oarsman passes his sweep, you have the air of a galley
doubling a cape to gain port.
AMBASSADOR
Come, Pseudartabas, give forth the message for the Athenians
with which you were charged by the Great King.
PSEUDARTABAS
Jartaman exarx 'anapissonia satra.[1]
f[1] Jargon, no doubt meaningless in all languages.
AMBASSADOR
Do you understand what he says?
DICAEOPOLIS
By Apollo, not I!
AMBASSADOR (TO THE PRYTANES)
He says that the Great King will send you gold. Come, utter the word
'gold' louder and more distinctly.
PSEUDARTABAS
Thou shalt not have gold, thou gaping-arsed Ionian.[1]
f[1] The Persians styled all Greeks 'Ionians' without distinction; here
the Athenians are intended.
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! may the gods forgive me, but that is clear enough!
AMBASSADOR
What does he say?
DICAEOPOLIS
That the Ionians are debauchees and idiots, if they expect to receive
gold from the barbarians.
AMBASSADOR
Not so, he speaks of medimni[1] of gold.
f[1] A Greek measure, containing about six modii.
DICAEOPOLIS
What medimni? Thou are but a great braggart; but get your way; I
will find out the truth by myself. Come now, answer me clearly, if you
do not wish me to dye your skin red. Will the Great King send us gold?
(PSEUDARTABAS MAKES A NEGATIVE SIGN.) Then our ambassadors
are seeking to deceive us? (PSEUDARTABAS SIGNS AFFIRMATIVELY.)
These fellows make signs like any Greek; I am sure that they are
nothing but Athenians. Oh! ho! I recognize one of these eunuchs; it is
Clisthenes, the son of Sibyrtius.[1] Behold the effrontery of this shaven
rump! How! great baboon, with such a beard do you seek to play the
eunuch to us? And this other one? Is it not Straton?
f[1] Noted for his extreme ugliness and his obscenity. Aristophanes
frequently holds him to scorn in his comedies.
HERALD
Silence! Let all be seated. The Senate invites the King's Eye to the
Prytaneum.[1]
f[1] Ambassadors were entertained there at the public expense.
DICAEOPOLIS
Is this not sufficient to drive one to hang oneself? Here I
stand chilled to the bone, whilst the doors of the Prytaneum fly
wide open to lodge such rascals. But I will do something great and
bold. Where is Amphitheus? Come and speak with me.
AMPHITHEUS
Here I am.
DICAEOPOLIS
Take these eight drachmae and go and conclude a truce with the
Lacedaemonians for me, my wife and my children; I leave you free,
my dear citizens, to send out embassies and to stand gaping in the air.
HERALD
Bring in Theorus, who has returned from the Court of Sitalces.[1]
f[1] King of Thrace.
THEORUS
I am here.
DICAEOPOLIS
Another humbug!
THEORUS
We should not have remained long in Thrace...
DICAEOPOLIS
Forsooth, no, if you had not been well paid.
THEORUS
...if the country had not been covered with snow; the rivers were
ice-bound at the time that Theognis[1] brought out his tragedy here;
during the whole of that time I was holding my own with
Sitalces, cup in hand; and, in truth, he adored you to such a degree,
that he wrote on the walls, "How beautiful are the Athenians!" His
son, to whom we gave the freedom of the city, burned with desire to
come here and eat chitterlings at the feast of the Apaturia;[2] he prayed
his father to come to the aid of his new country and Sitalces swore on
his goblet that he would succour us with such a host that the Athenians
would exclaim, "What a cloud of grasshoppers!"
f[1] The tragic poet.
f[2] A feast lasting three days and celebrated during the month Pyanepsion
(November). The Greek word contains the suggestion of fraud.
DICAEOPOLIS
May I die if I believe a word of what you tell us! Excepting the
grasshoppers, there is not a grain of truth in it all!
THEORUS
And he has sent you the most warlike soldiers of all Thrace.
DICAEOPOLIS
Now we shall begin to see clearly.
HERALD
Come hither, Thracians, whom Theorus brought.
DICAEOPOLIS
What plague have we here?
THEORUS
'Tis the host of the Odomanti.[1]
f[1] A Thracian tribe from the right bank of the Strymon.
DICAEOPOLIS
Of the Odomanti? Tell me what it means. Who has mutilated them
like this?
THEORUS
If they are given a wage of two drachmae, they will put all
Boeotia[1] to fire and sword.
f[1] The Boeotians were the allies of Sparta.
DICAEOPOLIS
Two drachmae to those circumcised hounds! Groan aloud, ye people
of rowers, bulwark of Athens! Ah! great gods! I am undone; these
Odomanti are robbing me of my garlic![1] Will you give me back
my garlic?
f[1] Dicaeopolis had brought a clove of garlic with him to eat during
the Assembly.
THEORUS
Oh! wretched man! do not go near them; they have eaten garlic[1].
f[1] Garlic was given to game-cocks, before setting them at each other,
to give them pluck for the fight.
DICAEOPOLIS
Prytanes, will you let me be treated in this manner, in my own
country and by barbarians? But I oppose the discussion of paying
a wage to the Thracians; I announce an omen; I have just felt a drop
of rain.[1]
f[1] At the lest unfavourable omen, the sitting of the Assembly was
declared at an end.
HERALD
Let the Thracians withdraw and return the day after tomorrow;
the Prytanes declare the sitting at an end.
DICAEOPOLIS
Ye gods, what garlic I have lost! But here comes Amphitheus
returned from Lacedaemon. Welcome, Amphitheus.
AMPHITHEUS
No, there is no welcome for me and I fly as fast as I can, for I
am pursued by the Acharnians.
DICAEOPOLIS
Why, what has happened?
AMPHITHEUS
I was hurrying to bring your treaty of truce, but some old dotards
from Acharnae[1] got scent of the thing; they are veterans of Marathon,
tough as oak or maple, of which they are made for sure--rough and
ruthless. They all started a-crying: "Wretch! you are the bearer of
a treaty, and the enemy has only just cut our vines!" Meanwhile they
were gathering stones in their cloaks, so I fled and they ran after
me shouting.
f[1] The deme of Acharnae was largely inhabited by charcoal-burners,
who supplied the city with fuel.
DICAEOPOLIS
Let 'em shout as much as they please! But HAVE you brought me
a treaty?
AMPHITHEUS
Most certainly, here are three samples to select from,[1] this one is
five years old; take it and taste.
f[1] He presents them in the form of wines contained in three separate
skins.
DICAEOPOLIS
Faugh!
AMPHITHEUS
Well?
DICAEOPOLIS
It does not please me; it smells of pitch and of the ships they are
fitting out.[1]
f[1] Meaning, preparations for war.
AMPHITHEUS
Here is another, ten years old; taste it.
DICAEOPOLIS
It smells strongly of the delegates, who go around the towns
to chide the allies for their slowness.[1]
f[1] Meaning, securing allies for the continuance of the war.
AMPHITHEUS
This last is a truce of thirty years, both on sea and land.
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh! by Bacchus! what a bouquet! It has the aroma of nectar and
ambrosia; this does not say to us, "Provision yourselves for three
days." But it lisps the gentle numbers, "Go whither you will."[1]
I accept it, ratify it, drink it at one draught and consign the
Acharnians to limbo. Freed from the war and its ills, I shall
keep the Dionysia[2] in the country.
f[1] When Athens sent forth an army, the soldiers were usually ordered
to assemble at some particular spot with provisions for three days.
f[2] These feasts were also called the Anthesteria or Lenaea; the Lenaem
was a temple to Bacchus, erected outside the city. They took place
during the month Anthesterion (February).
AMPHITHEUS
And I shall run away, for I'm mortally afraid of the Acharnians.
CHORUS
This way all! Let us follow our man; we will demand him of
everyone we meet; the public weal makes his seizure imperative. Ho,
there! tell me which way the bearer of the truce has gone; he has escaped
us, he has disappeared. Curse old age! When I was young, in the days
when I followed Phayllus,[1] running with a sack of coals on my back, this
wretch would not have eluded my pursuit, let him be as swift as he will;
but now my limbs are stiff; old Lacratides[2] feels his legs are
weighty and the traitor escapes me. No, no, let us follow him; old
Acharnians like ourselves shall not be set at naught by a
scoundrel, who has dared, great gods! to conclude a truce, when I wanted
the war continued with double fury in order to avenge my ruined lands.
No mercy for our foes until I have pierced their hearts like sharp
reed, so that they dare never again ravage my vineyards.
Come, let us seek the rascal; let us look everywhere, carrying our
stones in our hands; let us hunt him from place to place until we trap
him; I could never, never tire of the delight of stoning him.
f[1] A celebrated athlete from Croton and a victor at Olympia; he was
equally good as a runner and at the 'five exercises.'
f[2] He had been Archon at the time of the battle of Marathon.
DICAEOPOLIS
Peace! profane men![1]
f[1] A sacred formula, pronounced by the priest before offering
the sacrifice.
CHORUS
Silence all! Friends, do you hear the sacred formula? Here is he,
whom we seek! This way, all! Get out of his way, surely he comes
to offer an oblation.
DICAEOPOLIS
Peace, profane men! Let the basket-bearer[1] come forward, and thou
Xanthias, hold the phallus well upright.[2]
f[1] The maiden who carried the basket filled with fruits at the Dionysia
in honour of Bacchus.
f[2] The emblem of the fecundity of nature; it consisted of a representation,
generally grotesquely exaggerated, of the male genital organs;
the phallophori crowned with violets and ivy and their faces shaded
with green foliage, sang improvised airs, call 'Phallics,' full of obscenity
and suggestive 'double entendres.'
WIFE OF DICAEOPOLIS
Daughter, set down the basket and let us begin the sacrifice.
DAUGHTER OF DICAEOPOLIS
Mother, hand me the ladle, that I may spread the sauce on the
cake.
DICAEOPOLIS
It is well! Oh, mighty Bacchus, it is with joy that, freed from
military duty, I and all mine perform this solemn rite and offer
thee this sacrifice; grant that I may keep the rural Dionysia
without hindrance and that this truce of thirty years may be
propitious for me.
WIFE OF DICAEOPOLIS
Come, my child, carry the basket gracefully and with a grave, demure
face. Happy he, who shall be your possessor and embrace you so firmly
at dawn,[1] that you belch wind like a weasel. Go forward, and have a care
they don't snatch your jewels in the crowd.
f[1] The most propitious moment for Love's gambols, observes the
scholiast.
DICAEOPOLIS
Xanthias, walk behind the basket-bearer and hold the phallus well
erect; I will follow, singing the Phallic hymn; thou, wife, look on from
the top of the terrace.[1] Forward! Oh, Phales,[2] companion of the orgies
of Bacchus, night reveller, god of adultery, friend of young men, these
past six[3] years I have not been able to invoke thee. With what joy I
return to my farmstead, thanks to the truce I have concluded, freed
from cares, from fighting and from Lamachuses![4] How much sweeter,
oh Phales, oh, Phales, is it to surprise Thratta, the pretty woodmaid,
Strymodorus' slave, stealing wood from Mount Phelleus, to catch her
under the arms, to throw her on the ground and possess her, Oh, Phales,
Phales! If thou wilt drink and bemuse thyself with me, we shall
to-morrow consume some good dish in honour of the peace, and I will
hang up my buckler over the smoking hearth.
f[1] Married women did not join in the processions.
f[2] The god of generation, worshipped in the form of a phallus.
f[3] A remark which fixes the date of the production of 'The Acharnians,'
viz. the sixth year of the Peloponnesian War, 426 B.C.
f[4] Lamachus was an Athenian general, who figures later in this comedy.
CHORUS
It is he, he himself. Stone him, stone him, stone him, strike
the wretch. All, all of you, pelt him, pelt him!
DICAEOPOLIS
What is this? By Heracles, you will smash my pot.[1]
f[1] At the rural Dionysia a pot of kitchen vegetables was borne in
the procession along with other emblems.
CHORUS
It is you that we are stoning, you miserable scoundrel.
DICAEOPOLIS
And for what sin, Acharnian Elders, tell me that!
CHORUS
You ask that, you impudent rascal, traitor to your country; you
alone amongst us all have concluded a truce, and you dare to look us
in the face!
DICAEOPOLIS
But you do not know WHY I have treated for peace. Listen!
CHORUS
Listen to you? No, no, you are about to die, we will annihilate
you with our stones.
DICAEOPOLIS
But first of all, listen. Stop, my friends.
CHORUS
I will hear nothing; do not address me; I hate you more than I
do Cleon,[1] whom one day I shall flay to make sandals for the Knights.
Listen to your long speeches, after you have treated with the
Laconians? No, I will punish you.
f[1] Cleon the Demagogue was a currier originally by trade. He was the
sworn foe and particular detestation of the Knights or aristocratic party
generally.
DICAEOPOLIS
Friends, leave the Laconians out of debate and consider only
whether I have not done well to conclude my truce.
CHORUS
Done well! when you have treated with a people who know neither
gods, nor truth, nor faith.
DICAEOPOLIS
We attribute too much to the Laconians; as for myself, I know that
they are not the cause of all our troubles.
CHORUS
Oh, indeed, rascal! You dare to use such language to me and then
expect me to spare you!
DICAEOPOLIS
No, no, they are not the cause of all our troubles, and I who
address you claim to be able to prove that they have much to
complain of in us.
CHORUS
This passes endurance; my heart bounds with fury. Thus you dare to
defend our enemies.
DICAEOPOLIS
Were my head on the block I would uphold what I say and rely on
the approval of the people.
CHORUS
Comrades, let us hurl our stones and dye this fellow purple.