A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P R S T U V W X Z

Reflections; Or Sentences and Moral Maxims

F >> Francois Duc De La Rochefoucauld >> Reflections; Or Sentences and Moral Maxims




In all the diversities of taste that we discern, it is
very rare and almost impossible to meet with that sort
of good taste that knows how to set a price on the
particular, and yet understands the right value that
should be placed on all. Our knowledge is too limited,
and that correct discernment of good qualities which
goes to form a correct judgment is too seldom to be
met with except in regard to matters that do not
concern us.

As regards ourselves our taste has not this all-
important discernment. Preoccupation, trouble, all
that concern us, present it to us in another aspect.
We do not see with the same eyes what does and
what does not relate to us. Our taste is guided by
the bent of our self-love and temper, which supplies
us with new views which we adapt to an infinite
number of changes and uncertainties. Our taste is
no longer our own, we cease to control it, without our
consent it changes, and the same objects appear to us
in such divers aspects that ultimately we fail to per-
ceive what we have seen and heard.


IV. On Society.


In speaking of society my plan is not to speak of
friendship, for, though they have some connection,
they are yet very different. The former has more
in it of greatness and humility, and the greatest
merit of the latter is to resemble the former.

For the present I shall speak of that particular
kind of intercourse that gentlemen should have with
each other. It would be idle to show how far society
is essential to men: all seek for it, and all find it, but
few adopt the method of making it pleasant and
lasting.

Everyone seeks to find his pleasure and his advan-
tage at the expense of others. We prefer ourselves
always to those with whom we intend to live, and
they almost always perceive the preference. It is
this which disturbs and destroys society. We should
discover a means to hide this love of selection since it
is too ingrained in us to be in our power to destroy.
We should make our pleasure that of other persons, to
humour, never to wound their self-love.

The mind has a great part to do in so great a work,
but it is not merely sufficient for us to guide it in the
different courses it should hold.

The agreement we meet between minds would not
keep society together for long if she was not governed
and sustained by good sense, temper, and by the con-
sideration which ought to exist between persons who
have to live together.

It sometimes happens that persons opposite in tem-
per and mind become united. They doubtless hold
together for different reasons, which cannot last for
long. Society may subsist between those who are our
inferiors by birth or by personal qualities, but those
who have these advantages should not abuse them.
They should seldom let it be perceived that they
serve to instruct others. They should let their con-
duct show that they, too, have need to be guided and
led by reason, and accommodate themselves as far as
possible to the feeling and the interests of the others.

To make society pleasant, it is essential that each
should retain his freedom of action. A man should
not see himself, or he should see himself without
dependence, and at the same time amuse himself. He
should have the power of separating himself without
that separation bringing any change on the society.
He should have the power to pass by one and the
other, if he does not wish to expose himself to occa-
sional embarrassments; and he should remember that
he is often bored when he believes he has not the
power even to bore. He should share in what he
believes to be the amusement of persons with whom
he wishes to live, but he should not always be liable
to the trouble of providing them.

Complaisance is essential in society, but it should
have its limits, it becomes a slavery when it is extreme.
We should so render a free consent, that in following
the opinion of our friends they should believe that they
follow ours.

We should readily excuse our friends when their
faults are born with them, and they are less than
their good qualities. We should often avoid to show
what they have said, and what they have left unsaid.
We should try to make them perceive their faults, so
as to give them the merit of correcting them.

There is a kind of politeness which is necessary in
the intercourse among gentlemen, it makes them
comprehend badinage, and it keeps them from using
and employing certain figures of speech, too rude and
unrefined, which are often used thoughtlessly when
we hold to our opinion with too much warmth.

The intercourse of gentlemen cannot subsist without
a certain kind of confidence; this should be equal on
both sides. Each should have an appearance of
sincerity and of discretion which never causes the
fear of anything imprudent being said.

There should be some variety in wit. Those who
have only one kind of wit cannot please for long
unless they can take different roads, and not both use
the same talents, thus adding to the pleasure of
society, and keeping the same harmony that different
voices and different instruments should observe in
music; and as it is detrimental to the quiet of society,
that many persons should have the same interests,
it is yet as necessary for it that their interests should
not be different.

We should anticipate what can please our friends,
find out how to be useful to them so as to exempt them
from annoyance, and when we cannot avert evils,
seem to participate in them, insensibly obliterate
without attempting to destroy them at a blow, and
place agreeable objects in their place, or at least such
as will interest them. We should talk of subjects
that concern them, but only so far as they like, and
we should take great care where we draw the line.
There is a species of politeness, and we may say a
similar species of humanity, which does not enter too
quickly into the recesses of the heart. It often takes
pains to allow us to see all that our friends know,
while they have still the advantage of not knowing
to the full when we have penetrated the depth of the
heart.

Thus the intercourse between gentlemen at once
gives them familiarity and furnishes them with an
infinite number of subjects on which to talk freely.

Few persons have sufficient tact and good sense
fairly to appreciate many matters that are essential
to maintain society. We desire to turn away at a
certain point, but we do not want to be mixed up
in everything, and we fear to know all kinds of
truth.

As we should stand at a certain distance to view
objects, so we should also stand at a distance to observe
society; each has its proper point of view from which
it should be regarded. It is quite right that it
should not be looked at too closely, for there is hardly
a man who in all matters allows himself to be seen as
he really is.


V. On Conversation.


The reason why so few persons are agreeable in con-
versation is that each thinks more of what he desires
to say, than of what the others say, and that we
make bad listeners when we want to speak.

Yet it is necessary to listen to those who talk, we
should give them the time they want, and let them say
even senseless things; never contradict or interrupt
them; on the contrary, we should enter into their mind
and taste, illustrate their meaning, praise anything
they say that deserves praise, and let them see we
praise more from our choice than from agreement
with them.

To please others we should talk on subjects they
like and that interest them, avoid disputes upon in-
different matters, seldom ask questions, and never let
them see that we pretend to be better informed than
they are.

We should talk in a more or less serious manner,
and upon more or less abstruse subjects, according to
the temper and understanding of the persons we talk
with, and readily give them the advantage of deciding
without obliging them to answer when they are not
anxious to talk.

After having in this way fulfilled the duties of
politeness, we can speak our opinions to our listeners
when we find an opportunity without a sign of pre-
sumption or opinionatedness. Above all things we
should avoid often talking of ourselves and giving
ourselves as an example; nothing is more tiresome
than a man who quotes himself for everything.

We cannot give too great study to find out the
manner and the capacity of those with whom we talk,
so as to join in the conversation of those who have
more than ourselves without hurting by this prefer-
ence the wishes or interests of others.

Then we should modestly use all the modes above-
mentioned to show our thoughts to them, and make
them, if possible, believe that we take our ideas from
them.

We should never say anything with an air of
authority, nor show any superiority of mind. We
should avoid far-fetched expressions, expressions hard
or forced, and never let the words be grander than
the matter.

It is not wrong to retain our opinions if they are
reasonable, but we should yield to reason, wherever
she appears and from whatever side she comes, she
alone should govern our opinions, we should follow
her without opposing the opinions of others, and
without seeming to ignore what they say.

It is dangerous to seek to be always the leader of the
conversation, and to push a good argument too hard,
when we have found one. Civility often hides half its
understanding, and when it meets with an opinionated
man who defends the bad side, spares him the disgrace
of giving way.

We are sure to displease when we speak too long
and too often of one subject, and when we try to turn
the conversation upon subjects that we think more
instructive than others, we should enter indifferently
upon every subject that is agreeable to others, stop-
ping where they wish, and avoiding all they do not
agree with.

Every kind of conversation, however witty it may
be, is not equally fitted for all clever persons; we
should select what is to their taste and suitable to
their condition, their sex, their talents, and also choose
the time to say it.

We should observe the place, the occasion, the
temper in which we find the person who listens to us,
for if there is much art in speaking to the purpose,
there is no less in knowing when to be silent. There
is an eloquent silence which serves to approve or to
condemn, there is a silence of discretion and of respect.
In a word, there is a tone, an air, a manner, which
renders everything in conversation agreeable or dis-
agreeable, refined or vulgar.

But it is given to few persons to keep this secret
well. Those who lay down rules too often break
them, and the safest we are able to give is to listen
much, to speak little, and to say nothing that will ever
give ground for regret.


VI. Falsehood.


We are false in different ways. There are some
men who are false from wishing always to appear what
they are not. There are some who have better faith,
who are born false, who deceive themselves, and who
never see themselves as they really are; to some is
given a true understanding and a false taste, others
have a false understanding and some correctness in
taste; there are some who have not any falsity
either in taste or mind. These last are very rare, for
to speak generally, there is no one who has not some
falseness in some corner of his mind or his taste.

What makes this falseness so universal, is that as
our qualities are uncertain and confused, so too, are
our tastes; we do not see things exactly as they are,
we value them more or less than they are worth, and
do not bring them into unison with ourselves in a
manner which suits them or suits our condition or
qualities.

This mistake gives rise to an infinite number of
falsities in the taste and in the mind. Our self-love
is flattered by all that presents itself to us under the
guise of good.

But as there are many kinds of good which affect
our vanity and our temper, so they are often followed
from custom or advantage. We follow because the
others follow, without considering that the same feeling
ought not to be equally embarrassing to all kinds of
persons, and that it should attach itself more or less
firmly, according as persons agree more or less with
those who follow them.

We dread still more to show falseness in taste than
in mind. Gentleness should approve without preju-
dice what deserves to be approved, follow what
deserves to be followed, and take offence at nothing.
But there should be great distinction and great
accuracy. We should distinguish between what is
good in the abstract and what is good for ourselves,
and always follow in reason the natural inclination
which carries us towards matters that please us.

If men only wished to excel by the help of their
own talents, and in following their duty, there would
be nothing false in their taste or in their conduct.
They would show what they were, they would judge
matters by their lights, and they would attract by their
reason. There would be a discernment in their views,
in their sentiments, their taste would be true, it would
come to them direct, and not from others, they would
follow from choice and not from habit or chance. If
we are false in admiring what should not be admired,
it is oftener from envy that we affix a value to
qualities which are good in themselves, but which do
not become us. A magistrate is false when he flatters
himself he is brave, and that he will be able to be bold
in certain cases. He should be as firm and stedfast
in a plot which ought to be stifled without fear of
being false, as he would be false and absurd in fighting
a duel about it.

A woman may like science, but all sciences are not
suitable for her, and the doctrines of certain sciences
never become her, and when applied by her are always
false.

We should allow reason and good sense to fix the
value of things, they should determine our taste
and give things the merit they deserve, and the im-
portance it is fitting we should give them. But
nearly all men are deceived in the price and in the
value, and in these mistakes there is always a kind of
falseness.


VII. On Air and Manner.


There is an air which belongs to the figure and
talents of each individual; we always lose it when
we abandon it to assume another.

We should try to find out what air is natural to us
and never abandon it, but make it as perfect as we can.
This is the reason that the majority of children please.
It is because they are wrapt up in the air and manner
nature has given them, and are ignorant of any other.
They are changed and corrupted when they quit
infancy, they think they should imitate what they
see, and they are not altogether able to imitate it. In
this imitation there is always something of falsity and
uncertainty. They have nothing settled in their man-
ner and opinions. Instead of being in reality what
they want to appear, they seek to appear what they
are not.

All men want to be different, and to be greater than
they are; they seek for an air other than their own,
and a mind different from what they possess; they
take their style and manner at chance. They make
experiments upon themselves without considering
that what suits one person will not suit everyone,
that there is no universal rule for taste or manners,
and that there are no good copies.

Few men, nevertheless, can have unison in many
matters without being a copy of each other, if each
follow his natural turn of mind. But in general a
person will not wholly follow it. He loves to imitate.
We often imitate the same person without perceiving
it, and we neglect our own good qualities for the good
qualities of others, which generally do not suit us.

I do not pretend, from what I say, that each should
so wrap himself up in himself as not to be able
to follow example, or to add to his own, useful and
serviceable habits, which nature has not given him.
Arts and sciences may be proper for the greater part
of those who are capable for them. Good manners and
politeness are proper for all the world. But, yet
acquired qualities should always have a certain agree-
ment and a certain union with our own natural
qualities, which they imperceptibly extend and in-
crease. We are elevated to a rank and dignity above
ourselves. We are often engaged in a new profession
for which nature has not adapted us. All these con-
ditions have each an air which belong to them, but
which does not always agree with our natural manner.
This change of our fortune often changes our air and
our manners, and augments the air of dignity, which
is always false when it is too marked, and when it is
not united and amalgamated with that which nature
has given us. We should unite and blend them to-
gether, and thus render them such that they can
never be separated.

We should not speak of all subjects in one
tone and in the same manner. We do not march
at the head of a regiment as we walk on a pro-
menade; and we should use the same style in which
we should naturally speak of different things in the
same way, with the same difference as we should walk,
but always naturally, and as is suitable, either at
the head of a regiment or on a promenade. There
are some who are not content to abandon the air and
manner natural to them to assume those of the rank
and dignities to which they have arrived. There are
some who assume prematurely the air of the dignities
and rank to which they aspire. How many lieutenant-
generals assume to be marshals of France, how many
barristers vainly repeat the style of the Chancellor
and how many female citizens give themselves the
airs of duchesses.

But what we are most often vexed at is that no one
knows how to conform his air and manners with his
appearance, nor his style and words with his thoughts
and sentiments, that every one forgets himself and how
far he is insensibly removed from the truth. Nearly
every one falls into this fault in some way. No one
has an ear sufficiently fine to mark perfectly this kind
of cadence.

Thousands of people with good qualities are dis-
pleasing; thousands pleasing with far less abilities,
and why? Because the first wish to appear to be what
they are not, the second are what they appear.

Some of the advantages or disadvantages that we
have received from nature please in proportion as
we know the air, the style, the manner, the senti-
ments that coincide with our condition and our
appearance, and displease in the proportion they are
removed from that point.



INDEX

THE LETTER R PRECEDING A REFERENCE REFERS TO THE REFLECTIONS,
THE ROMAN NUMERALS REFER TO THE SUPPLEMENTS.


Ability, 162, 165, 199, 245, 283, 288. SEE Cleverness
-------, Sovereign, 244.
Absence, 276.
Accent, country, 342, XCIV.
Accidents, 59, 310.
Acquaintances, 426. SEE FRIENDS.
Acknowledgements, 225.
Actions, 1, 7, 57, 58, 160, 161, 382, 409, CXX.
Actors, 256.
Admiration, 178, 294, 474.
Adroitness of mind, R.2.
Adversity, 25.
--------- of Friends, XV.
Advice, 110, 116, 283, 378, CXVII.
Affairs, 453, R 2.
Affectation, 134, 493.
Affections, 232.
Afflictions, 233, 355, 362, 493, XCVII, XV.
Age, 222, 405, LXXIII. SEE Old Age.
Agreeableness, 255, R.5.
Agreement, 240.
Air, 399, 495, R.7.
--- Of a Citizen, 393.
Ambition, 24, 91, 246, 293, 490.
Anger, XXX.
Application, 41, 243.
Appearances, 64, 166, 199, 256, 302, 431, 457, R.7.
-----------, Conformity of Manners with, R.7.
Applause, 272.
Approbation, 51, 280.
Artifices, 117, 124, 125, 126, R.2.
Astonishment, 384.
Avarice, 167, 491, 492.

Ballads, 211.
Beauty, 240, 474, 497, LI.
------ of the Mind, R.2.
Bel esprit defined, R.2.
Benefits, 14, 298, 299, 301, CXXII.
Benefactors, 96, 317, CXXII.
Blame, CVIII.
Blindness, XIX.
Boasting, 141, 307.
Boredom, 141, 304, 352. SEE Ennui.
Bouts rimés, 382, CXX.
Bravery, 1, 213, 214, 215, 216, 217, 219, 220, 221, 365,
504. SEE Courage and Valour.
Brilliancy of Mind, R.2.
Brilliant things, LII.

Capacity, 375.
Caprice, 45.
Chance, 57, 344, XCV. SEE Fortune.
Character, LVI, R.2.
Chastity, 1. SEE Virtue of Women.
Cheating, 114, 127.
Circumstances, 59, 470.
Civility, 260.
Clemency, 15, 16.
Cleverness, 162, 269, 245, 399.
Coarseness, 372.
Comedy, 211, R.3.
Compassion, 463. SEE Pity.
Complaisance, 481, R.4.
Conduct, 163, 227, 378, CXVII.
Confidants, whom we make, R.1.
Confidence, 239, 365, 475, XLIX, R.1, R.4.
Confidence, difference from Sincerity
----------, defined, R.1.
Consolation, 325.
Constancy, 19, 20, 21, 175, 176, 420.
Contempt, 322.
-------- of Death, 504.
Contentment, LXXX.
Contradictions, 478.
Conversation, 139, 140, 142, 312, 313, 314, 364, 391,
421, CIV, R.5.
Copies, 133.
Coquetry, 241. SEE Flirtation.
Country Manner, 393.
------- Accent, 342.
Courage, 1, 214, 215, 216, 219, 221, XLII. SEE Bravery.
Covetousness, opposed to Reason, 469
Cowardice, 215, 480.
Cowards, 370.
Crimes, 183, 465, XXXV, XXXVII.
Cunning, 126, 129, 394, 407.
Curiosity, 173.

Danger, XLII.
Death, 21, 23, 26.
-----, Contempt of, 504.
Deceit, 86, 117, 118, 124, 127, 129, 395, 434. SEE ALSO
Self-Deceit.
Deception, CXXI.
Decency, 447.
Defects, 31, 90, 493, LXXII. SEE Faults.
Delicacy, 128, R.2.
Dependency, result of Confidence, R.1.
Designs, 160, 161.
Desires, 439, 469, LXXXII, LXXXV.
Despicable Persons, 322.
Detail, Mind given to, R.2.
Details, 41, 106.
Devotion, 427.
Devotees, 427.
Devout, LXXVI.
Differences, 135.
Dignities, R.7.
Discretion, R.5.
Disguise, 119, 246, 282.
Disgrace, 235, 412.
Dishonour, 326, LXIX.
Distrust, 84, 86, 335.
Divination, 425.
Doubt, 348.
Docility, R.4.
Dupes, 87, 102.

Education, 261.
Elevation, 399, 400, 403.
Eloquence, 8, 249, 250.
Employments, 164, 419, 449.
Enemies, 114, 397, 458, 463.
Ennui, 122, 141, 304, 312, 352, CXII, R.2.
Envy, 27, 28, 280, 281, 328, 376, 433, 476, 486.
Epithets assigned to the Mind, R.2.
Esteem, 296.
Establish, 56, 280.
Evils, 121, 197, 269, 454, 464, XCIII.
Example, 230.
Exchange of secrets, R.1.
Experience, 405.
Expedients, 287.
Expression, refined, R.5.

Faculties of the Mind, 174.
Failings, 397, 403.
Falseness, R.6.
---------, disguised, 282.
---------, kinds of, R.6.
Familiarity, R,4.
Fame, 157.
Farces, men compared to, 211.
Faults, 37, 112, 155, 184, 190, 194, 196, 251, 354, 365,
372, 397, 403, 411, 428, 493, 494, V, LXV, CX,
CXV.
Favourites, 55.
Fear, 370, LXVIII.
Feeling, 255.
Ferocity, XXXIII.
Fickleness, 179, 181, 498.
Fidelity, 247.
--------, hardest test of, R.1.
-------- in love, 331, 381, C.
Figure and air, R.7.
Firmness, 19, 479.
Flattery, 123, 144, 152, 198, 320, 329.
Flirts, 406, 418.
Flirtation, 107, 241, 277, 332, 334, 349, 376, LXIV.
Follies, 156, 300, 408, 416.
Folly, 207, 208, 209, 210, 231, 300, 310, 311, 318,
XXIV.
Fools, 140, 210, 309, 318, 357, 414, 451, 456,
-----, old, 444.
-----, witty, 451, 456.
Force of Mind, 30, 42,
, 237.
Forgetfulness, XXVI.
Forgiveness, 330.
Fortitude, 19. SEE Bravery.
Fortune, 1, 17, 45, 52, 53, 58, 60, 61, 154, 212, 227, 323,
343, 380, 391, 392, 399, 403, 435, 449, IX., CXIX.
Friends, 84, 114, 179, 235, 279, 315, 319, 428.
-------, adversity of, XV.
-------, disgrace of, 235.
-------, faults of, 428.
-------, true ones, LXXXVI.
Friendship, 80, 81, 83, 376, 410, 427, 440, 441, 473,
XXII, CXXIV.
----------, defined, 83.
----------, women do not care for, 440.
----------, rarer than love, 473.
Funerals, XXXVIII.

Gallantry, 100. SEE Flirtation.
--------- of mind, 100.
Generosity, 246.
Genius, R.2.
Gentleness, R.6.
Ghosts, 76.
Gifts of the mind, R.2.
Glory, 157, 198, 221, 268.
Good, 121, 185, 229, 238, 303, XCIII.
----, how to be, XLVII.
Goodness, 237, 275, 284, XLVI.
Good grace, 67, R.7.
Good man, who is a, 206.
God nature, 481.
Good qualities, 29, 90, 337, 365, 397, 462.
Good sense, 67, 347, CVI.
Good taste, 258.
----------, rarity of, R.3.
----, women, 368, XCVI.
Government of others, 151.
Grace, 67.
Gracefulness, 240.
Gratitude, 223, 224, 225, 279, 298, 438, XLIII.
Gravity, 257.
Great men, what they cannot acquire, LXXXIV.
Great minds, 142.
Great names, 94.
Greediness, 66.

Habit, 426.
Happy, who are, 49.
Happiness, 48, 61, VII, LXXX, LXXXI.
hatred, 338.
Head, 102, 108.
Health, 188, LVII.
Heart, 98, 102, 103, 108, 478, 484.
Heroes, 24, 53, 185.
Honesty, 202, 206.
Honour, 270.
Hope, 168, LXVIII.
Humility, 254, 358, LXXVI, LXXIX
Humiliation, 272.
Humour, 47. SEE Temper.
Hypocrisy, 218.
--------- of afflictions, 233.

Idleness, 169, 266, 267, 398, 482, 487, XVIII., LV.
Ills, 174. SEE Evils.
Illusions, 123.
Imagination, 478.
Imitation, 230, XLIV, R.5.
Impertinence, 502.
Impossibilities, 30.
Incapacity, 126.
Inclination, 253, 390.
Inconsistency, 135.
Inconstancy, 181.
Inconvenience, 242.
Indifference, 172, XXIII.
Indiscretion, 429.
Indolence. SEE Idleness, and Laziness.
Infidelity, 359, 360, 381, 429.
Ingratitude, 96, 226, 306, 317.
Injuries, 14.
Injustice, 78.
Innocence, 465.
Instinct, 123.
Integrity, 170.
Interest, 39, 40, 66, 85, 172, 187, 232, 253, 305, 390.
Interests, 66.
Intrepidity, 217, XL.
Intrigue, 73.
Invention, 287.

Jealousy, 28, 32, 324, 336, 359, 361, 446, 503, CII.
Joy, XIV.
Judges, 268.
Judgment, 89, 97, 248.
-------- of the World, 212, 455.
Justice, 78, 458, XII.

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