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Redburn. His First Voyage

H >> Herman Melville >> Redburn. His First Voyage




"I want two," said he.

"Take that or nothing," I answered; "it is all I have."

I thought he would strike me. But, accepting the money, he contented
himself with saying something about sportsmen going on shooting
expeditions, without having money to pay their expenses; and hinted that
such chaps might better lay aside their fowling-pieces, and assume the
buck and saw. He then passed on, and left every eye fastened upon me.

I stood their gazing some time, but at last could stand it no more. I
pushed my seat right up before the most insolent gazer, a short fat man,
with a plethora of cravat round his neck, and fixing my gaze on his,
gave him more gazes than he sent. This somewhat embarrassed him, and he
looked round for some one to take hold of me; but no one coming, he
pretended to be very busy counting the gilded wooden beams overhead. I
then turned to the next gazer, and clicking my gun-lock, deliberately
presented the piece at him.

Upon this, he overset his seat in his eagerness to get beyond my range,
for I had him point blank, full in the left eye; and several persons
starting to their feet, exclaimed that I must be crazy. So I was at that
time; for otherwise I know not how to account for my demoniac feelings,
of which I was afterward heartily ashamed, as I ought to have been,
indeed; and much more than that.

I then turned on my heel, and shouldering my fowling-piece and bundle,
marched on deck, and walked there through the dreary storm, till I was
wet through, and the boat touched the wharf at New York.

Such is boyhood.




III. HE ARRIVES IN TOWN


From the boat's bow, I jumped ashore, before she was secured, and
following my brother's directions, proceeded across the town toward St.
John's Park, to the house of a college friend of his, for whom I had a
letter.

It was a long walk; and I stepped in at a sort of grocery to get a drink
of water, where some six or eight rough looking fellows were playing
dominoes upon the counter, seated upon cheese boxes. They winked, and
asked what sort of sport I had had gunning on such a rainy day, but I
only gulped down my water and stalked off.

Dripping like a seal, I at last grounded arms at the doorway of my
brother's friend, rang the bell and inquired for him.

"What do you want?" said the servant, eying me as if I were a
housebreaker.

"I want to see your lord and master; show me into the parlor."

Upon this my host himself happened to make his appearance, and seeing
who I was, opened his hand and heart to me at once, and drew me to his
fireside; he had received a letter from my brother, and had expected me
that day.

The family were at tea; the fragrant herb filled the room with its
aroma; the brown toast was odoriferous; and everything pleasant and
charming. After a temporary warming, I was shown to a room, where I
changed my wet dress, an returning to the table, found that the interval
had been we improved by my hostess; a meal for a traveler was spread and
I laid into it sturdily. Every mouthful pushed the devil that had been
tormenting me all day farther and farther out of me, till at last I
entirely ejected him with three successive bowls of Bohea.

Magic of kind words, and kind deeds, and good tea! That night I went to
bed thinking the world pretty tolerable, after all; and I could hardly
believe that I had really acted that morning as I had, for I was
naturally of an easy and forbearing disposition; though when such a
disposition is temporarily roused, it is perhaps worse than a
cannibal's.

Next day, my brother's friend, whom I choose to call Mr. Jones,
accompanied me down to the docks among the shipping, in order to get
me a place. After a good deal of searching we lighted upon a ship for
Liverpool, and found the captain in the cabin; which was a very handsome
one, lined with mahogany and maple; and the steward, an elegant looking
mulatto in a gorgeous turban, was setting out on a sort of sideboard
some dinner service which looked like silver, but it was only Britannia
ware highly polished.

As soon as I clapped my eye on the captain, I thought myself he was
just the captain to suit me. He was a fine looking man, about forty,
splendidly dressed, with very black whiskers, and very white teeth, and
what I took to be a free, frank look out of a large hazel eye. I liked
him amazingly. He was promenading up and down the cabin, humming some
brisk air to himself when we entered.

"Good morning, sir," said my friend.

"Good morning, good morning, sir," said the captain. "Steward, chairs
for the gentlemen."

"Oh! never mind, sir," said Mr. Jones, rather taken aback by his extreme
civility. "I merely called to see whether you want a fine young lad to
go to sea with you. Here he is; he has long wanted to be a sailor; and
his friends have at last concluded to let him go for one voyage, and see
how he likes it."

"Ah! indeed!" said the captain, blandly, and looking where I stood.
"He's a fine fellow; I like him. So you want to be a sailor, my boy, do
you?" added he, affectionately patting my head. "It's a hard We, though;
a hard life."

But when I looked round at his comfortable, and almost luxurious cabin,
and then at his handsome care-free face, I thought he was only trying to
frighten me, and I answered, "Well, sir, I am ready to try it."

"I hope he's a country lad, sir," said the captain to my friend, "these
city boys are sometimes hard cases."

"Oh! yes, he's from the country," was the reply, "and of a highly
respectable family; his great-uncle died a Senator."

"But his great-uncle don't want to go to sea too?" said the captain,
looking funny.

"Oh! no, oh, no!--Ha! ha!"

"Ha! ha!" echoed the captain.

A fine funny gentleman, thought I, not much fancying, however, his
levity concerning my great-uncle, he'll be cracking his jokes the whole
voyage; and so I afterward said to one of the riggers on board; but he
bade me look out, that he did not crack my head.

"Well, my lad," said the captain, "I suppose you know we haven't any
pastures and cows on board; you can't get any milk at sea, you know."

"Oh! I know all about that, sir; my father has crossed the ocean, if I
haven't."

"Yes," cried my friend, "his father, a gentleman of one of the first
families in America, crossed the Atlantic several times on important
business."

"Embassador extraordinary?" said the captain, looking funny again.

"Oh! no, he was a wealthy merchant."

"Ah! indeed;" said the captain, looking grave and bland again, "then
this fine lad is the son of a gentleman?"

"Certainly," said my friend, "and he's only going to sea for the humor
of it; they want to send him on his travels with a tutor, but he will go
to sea as a sailor."

The fact was, that my young friend (for he was only about twenty-five)
was not a very wise man; and this was a huge fib, which out of the
kindness of his heart, he told in my behalf, for the purpose of creating
a profound respect for me in the eyes of my future lord.

Upon being apprized, that I had willfully forborne taking the grand tour
with a tutor, in order to put my hand in a tar-bucket, the handsome
captain looked ten times more funny than ever; and said that he himself
would be my tutor, and take me on my travels, and pay for the privilege.

"Ah!" said my friend, "that reminds me of business. Pray, captain, how
much do you generally pay a handsome young fellow like this?"

"Well," said the captain, looking grave and profound, "we are not so
particular about beauty, and we never give more than three dollars to a
green lad like Wellingborough here, that's your name, my boy?
Wellingborough Redburn!--Upon my soul, a fine sounding name."

"Why, captain," said Mr. Jones, quickly interrupting him, "that won't
pay for his clothing."

"But you know his highly respectable and wealthy relations will
doubtless see to all that," replied the captain, with his funny look
again.

"Oh! yes, I forgot that," said Mr. Jones, looking rather foolish. "His
friends will of course see to that."

"Of course," said the captain smiling.

"Of course," repeated Mr. Jones, looking ruefully at the patch on my
pantaloons, which just then I endeavored to hide with the skirt of my
shooting-jacket.

"You are quite a sportsman I see," said the captain, eying the great
buttons on my coat, upon each of which was a carved fox.

Upon this my benevolent friend thought that here was a grand opportunity
to befriend me.

"Yes, he's quite a sportsman," said he, "he's got a very valuable
fowling-piece at home, perhaps you would like to purchase it, captain,
to shoot gulls with at sea? It's cheap."

"Oh! no, he had better leave it with his relations," said the captain,
"so that he can go hunting again when he returns from England."

"Yes, perhaps that would be better, after all," said my friend,
pretending to fall into a profound musing, involving all sides of the
matter in hand. "Well, then, captain, you can only give the boy three
dollars a month, you say?"

"Only three dollars a month," said the captain.

"And I believe," said my friend, "that you generally give something in
advance, do you not?"

"Yes, that is sometimes the custom at the shipping offices," said the
captain, with a bow, "but in this case, as the boy has rich relations,
there will be no need of that, you know."

And thus, by his ill-advised, but well-meaning hints concerning the
respectability of my paternity, and the immense wealth of my relations,
did this really honest-hearted but foolish friend of mine, prevent me
from getting three dollars in advance, which I greatly needed. However,
I said nothing, though I thought the more; and particularly, how that it
would have been much better for me, to have gone on board alone,
accosted the captain on my own account, and told him the plain truth.
Poor people make a very poor business of it when they try to seem rich.

The arrangement being concluded, we bade the captain good morning; and
as we were about leaving the cabin, he smiled again, and said, "Well,
Redburn, my boy, you won't get home-sick before you sail, because that
will make you very sea-sick when you get to sea."

And with that he smiled very pleasantly, and bowed two or three times,
and told the steward to open the cabin-door, which the steward did with
a peculiar sort of grin on his face, and a slanting glance at my
shooting-jacket. And so we left.




IV. HOW HE DISPOSED OF HIS FOWLING-PIECE


Next day I went alone to the shipping office to sign the articles, and
there I met a great crowd of sailors, who as soon as they found what I
was after, began to tip the wink all round, and I overheard a fellow in
a great flapping sou'wester cap say to another old tar in a shaggy
monkey-jacket, "Twig his coat, d'ye see the buttons, that chap ain't
going to sea in a merchantman, he's going to shoot whales. I say,
maty--look here--how d'ye sell them big buttons by the pound?"

"Give us one for a saucer, will ye?" said another.

"Let the youngster alone," said a third. "Come here, my little boy, has
your ma put up some sweetmeats for ye to take to sea?"

They are all witty dogs, thought I to myself, trying to make the best of
the matter, for I saw it would not do to resent what they said; they
can't mean any harm, though they are certainly very impudent; so I tried
to laugh off their banter, but as soon as ever I could, I put down my
name and beat a retreat.

On the morrow, the ship was advertised to sail. So the rest of that day
I spent in preparations. After in vain trying to sell my fowling-piece
for a fair price to chance customers, I was walking up Chatham-street
with it, when a curly-headed little man with a dark oily face, and a
hooked nose, like the pictures of Judas Iscariot, called to me from a
strange-looking shop, with three gilded balk hanging over it.

With a peculiar accent, as if he had been over-eating himself with
Indian-pudding or some other plushy compound, this curly-headed little
man very civilly invited me into his shop; and making a polite bow, and
bidding me many unnecessary good mornings, and remarking upon the fine
weather, begged t me to let him look at my fowling-piece. I handed it to
him in an instant, glad of the chance of disposing of it, and told him
that was just what I wanted.

"Ah!" said he, with his Indian-pudding accent again, which I will not
try to mimic, and abating his look of eagerness, "I thought it was a
better article, it's very old."

"Not," said I, starting in surprise, "it's not been used more than three
times; what will you give for it?"

"We don't buy any thing here," said he, suddenly looking very
indifferent, "this is a place where people pawn things." Pawn being a
word I had never heard before, I asked him what it meant; when he
replied, that when people wanted any money, they came to him with their
fowling-pieces, and got one third its value, and then left the
fowling-piece there, until they were able to pay back the money.

What a benevolent little old man, this must be, thought I, and how very
obliging.

"And pray," said I, "how much will you let me have for my gun, by way of
a pawn?"

"Well, I suppose it's worth six dollars, and seeing you're a boy, I'll
let you have three dollars upon it"

"No," exclaimed I, seizing the fowling-piece, "it's worth five times
that, I'll go somewhere else."

"Good morning, then," said he, "I hope you'll do better," and he bowed
me out as if he expected to see me again pretty soon.

I had not gone very far when I came across three more balls hanging over
a shop. In I went, and saw a long counter, with a sort of picket-fence,
running all along from end to end, and three little holes, with three
little old men standing inside of them, like prisoners looking out of a
jail. Back of the counter were all sorts of things, piled up and
labeled. Hats, and caps, and coats, and guns, and swords, and canes, and
chests, and planes, and books, and writing-desks, and every thing else.
And in a glass case were lots of watches, and seals, chains, and rings,
and breastpins, and all kinds of trinkets. At one of the little holes,
earnestly talking with one of the hook-nosed men, was a thin woman in a
faded silk gown and shawl, holding a pale little girl by the hand. As I
drew near, she spoke lower in a whisper; and the man shook his head, and
looked cross and rude; and then some more words were exchanged over a
miniature, and some money was passed through the hole, and the woman and
child shrank out of the door.

I won't sell my gun to that man, thought I; and I passed on to the next
hole; and while waiting there to be served, an elderly man in a
high-waisted surtout, thrust a silver snuff-box through; and a young man
in a calico shirt and a shiny coat with a velvet collar presented a
silver watch; and a sheepish boy in a cloak took out a frying-pan; and
another little boy had a Bible; and all these things were thrust through
to the hook-nosed man, who seemed ready to hook any thing that came
along; so I had no doubt he would gladly hook my gun, for the long
picketed counter seemed like a great seine, that caught every variety of
fish.

At last I saw a chance, and crowded in for the hole; and in order to be
beforehand with a big man who just then came in, I pushed my gun
violently through the hole; upon which the hook-nosed man cried out,
thinking I was going to shoot him. But at last he took the gun, turned
it end for end, clicked the trigger three times, and then said, "one
dollar."

"What about one dollar?" said I.

"That's all I'll give," he replied.

"Well, what do you want?" and he turned to the next person. This was a
young man in a seedy red cravat and a pimply face, that looked as if it
was going to seed likewise, who, with a mysterious tapping of his
vest-pocket and other hints, made a great show of having something
confidential to communicate.

But the hook-nosed man spoke out very loud, and said, "None of that;
take it out. Got a stolen watch? We don't deal in them things here."

Upon this the young man flushed all over, and looked round to see who
had heard the pawnbroker; then he took something very small out of his
pocket, and keeping it hidden under his palm, pushed it into the hole.

"Where did you get this ring?" said the pawnbroker.

"I want to pawn it," whispered the other, blushing all over again.

"What's your name?" said the pawnbroker, speaking very loud.

"How much will you give?" whispered the other in reply, leaning over,
and looking as if he wanted to hush up the pawnbroker.

At last the sum was agreed upon, when the man behind the counter took a
little ticket, and tying the ring to it began to write on the ticket;
all at once he asked the young man where he lived, a question which
embarrassed him very much; but at last he stammered out a certain number
in Broadway.

"That's the City Hotel: you don't live there," said the man, cruelly
glancing at the shabby coat before him.

"Oh! well," stammered the other blushing scarlet, "I thought this was
only a sort of form to go through; I don't like to tell where I do live,
for I ain't in the habit of going to pawnbrokers."

"You stole that ring, you know you did," roared out the hook-nosed man,
incensed at this slur upon his calling, and now seemingly bent on
damaging the young man's character for life. "I'm a good mind to call a.
constable; we don't take stolen goods here, I tell you."

All eyes were now fixed suspiciously upon this martyrized young man; who
looked ready to drop into the earth; and a poor woman in a night-cap,
with some baby-clothes in her hand, looked fearfully at the
pawnbroker, as if dreading to encounter such a terrible pattern of
integrity. At last the young man sunk off with his money, and looking
out of the window, I saw him go round the corner so sharply that he
knocked his elbow against the wall.

I waited a little longer, and saw several more served; and having
remarked that the hook-nosed men invariably fixed their own price upon
every thing, and if that was refused told the person to be off with
himself; I concluded that it would be of no use to try and get more from
them than they had offered; especially when I saw that they had a great
many fowling-pieces hanging up, and did not have particular occasion for
mine; and more than that, they must be very well off and rich, to treat
people so cavalierly.

My best plan then seemed to be to go right back to the curly-headed
pawnbroker, and take up with my first offer. But when I went back, the
curly-headed man was very busy about something else, and kept me
waiting a long time; at last I got a chance and told him I would take
the three dollars he had offered.

"Ought to have taken it when you could get it," he replied. "I won't
give but two dollars and a half for it now."

In vain I expostulated; he was not to be moved, so I pocketed the money
and departed.




V. HE PURCHASES HIS SEA-WARDROBE, AND ON A DISMAL RAINY DAY PICKS UP HIS
BOARD AND LODGING ALONG THE WHARVES


The first thing I now did was to buy a little stationery, and keep my
promise to my mother, by writing her; and I also wrote to my brother
informing him of the voyage I purposed making, and indulging in some
romantic and misanthropic views of life, such as many boys in my
circumstances, are accustomed to do.

The rest of the two dollars and a half I laid out that very morning in
buying a red woolen shirt near Catharine Market, a tarpaulin hat, which
I got at an out-door stand near Peck Slip, a belt and jackknife, and two
or three trifles. After these purchases, I had only one penny left, so I
walked out to the end of the pier, and threw the penny into the water.
The reason why I did this, was because I somehow felt almost desperate
again, and didn't care what became of me. But if the penny had been a
dollar, I would have kept it.

I went home to dinner at Mr. Jones', and they welcomed me very kindly,
and Mrs. Jones kept my plate full all the time during dinner, so that I
had no chance to empty it. She seemed to see that I felt bad, and
thought plenty of pudding might help me. At any rate, I never felt so
bad yet but I could eat a good dinner. And once, years afterward, when I
expected to be killed every day, I remember my appetite was very keen,
and I said to myself, "Eat away, Wellingborough, while you can, for this
may be the last supper you will have."

After dinner I went into my room, locked the door carefully, and hung a
towel over the knob, so that no one could peep through the keyhole, and
then went to trying on my red woolen shirt before the glass, to see what
sort of a looking sailor I was going to make. As soon as I got into the
shirt I began to feel sort of warm and red about the face, which I found
was owing to the reflection of the dyed wool upon my skin. After that, I
took a pair of scissors and went to cutting my hair, which was very
long. I thought every little would help, in making me a light hand to
run aloft.

Next morning I bade my kind host and hostess good-by, and left the house
with my bundle, feeling somewhat misanthropical and desperate again.

Before I reached the ship, it began to rain hard; and as soon as I
arrived at the wharf, it was plain that there would be no getting to sea
that day.

This was a great disappointment to me, for I did not want to return to
Mr. Jones' again after bidding them good-by; it would be so awkward. So
I concluded to go on board ship for the present.

When I reached the deck, I saw no one but a large man in a large
dripping pea-jacket, who was calking down the main-hatches.

"What do you want, Pillgarlic?" said he.

"I've shipped to sail in this ship," I replied, assuming a little
dignity, to chastise his familiarity.

"What for? a tailor?" said he, looking at my shooting jacket.

I answered that I was going as a "boy;" for so I was technically put
down on the articles.

"Well," said he, "have you got your traps aboard?"

I told him I didn't know there were any rats in the ship, and hadn't
brought any "trap."

At this he laughed out with a great guffaw, and said there must be
hay-seed in my hair.

This made me mad; but thinking he must be one of the sailors who was
going in the ship, I thought it wouldn't be wise to make an enemy of
him, so only asked him where the men slept in the vessel, for I wanted
to put my clothes away.

"Where's your clothes?" said he.

"Here in my bundle," said I, holding it up.

"Well if that's all you've got," he cried, "you'd better chuck it
overboard. But go forward, go forward to the forecastle; that's the
place you'll live in aboard here."

And with that he directed me to a sort of hole in the deck in the bow of
the ship; but looking down, and seeing how dark it was, I asked him for
a light.

"Strike your eyes together and make one," said he, "we don't have any
lights here." So I groped my way down into the forecastle, which smelt
so bad of old ropes and tar, that it almost made me sick. After waiting
patiently, I began to see a little; and looking round, at last perceived
I was in a smoky looking place, with twelve wooden boxes stuck round the
sides. In some of these boxes were large chests, which I at once
supposed to belong to the sailors, who must have taken that method of
appropriating their "Trunks," as I afterward found these boxes were
called. And so it turned out.

After examining them for a while, I selected an empty one, and put my
bundle right in the middle of it, so that there might be no mistake
about my claim to the place, particularly as the bundle was so small.

This done, I was glad to get on deck; and learning to a certainty that
the ship would not sail till the next day, I resolved to go ashore, and
walk about till dark, and then return and sleep out the night in the
forecastle. So I walked about all over, till I was weary, and went into
a mean liquor shop to rest; for having my tarpaulin on, and not looking
very gentlemanly, I was afraid to go into any better place, for fear of
being driven out. Here I sat till I began to feel very hungry; and
seeing some doughnuts on the counter, I began to think what a fool I had
been, to throw away my last penny; for the doughnuts were but a penny
apiece, and they looked very plump, and fat, and round. I never saw
doughnuts look so enticing before; especially when a negro came in, and
ate one before my eyes. At last I thought I would fill up a little by
drinking a glass of water; having read somewhere that this was a good
plan to follow in a case like the present. I did not feel thirsty, but
only hungry; so had much ado to get down the water; for it tasted warm;
and the tumbler had an ugly flavor; the negro had been drinking some
spirits out of it just before.

I marched off again, every once in a while stopping to take in some more
water, and being very careful not to step into the same shop twice, till
night came on, and I found myself soaked through, for it had been
raining more or less all day. As I went to the ship, I could not help
thinking how lonesome it would be, to spend the whole night in that damp
and dark forecastle, without light or fire, and nothing to lie on but
the bare boards of my bunk. However, to drown all such thoughts, I
gulped down another glass of water, though I was wet enough outside and
in by this time; and trying to put on a bold look, as if I had just been
eating a hearty meal, I stepped aboard the ship.

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