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Redburn. His First Voyage

H >> Herman Melville >> Redburn. His First Voyage




The man in the big pea-jacket was not to be seen; but on going forward I
unexpectedly found a young lad there, about my own age; and as soon as
he opened his mouth I knew he was not an American. He talked such a
curious language though, half English and half gibberish, that I knew
not what to make of him; and was a little astonished, when he told me he
was an English boy, from Lancashire.

It seemed, he had come over from Liverpool in this very ship on her last
voyage, as a steerage passenger; but finding that he would have to work
very hard to get along in America, and getting home-sick into the
bargain, he had arranged with the captain to' work his passage back.

I was glad to have some company, and tried to get him conversing; but
found he was the most stupid and ignorant boy I had ever met with. I
asked him something about the river Thames; when he said that he hadn't
traveled any in America and didn't know any thing about the rivers here.
And when I told him the river Thames was in England, he showed no
surprise or shame at his ignorance, but only looked ten times more
stupid than before.

At last we went below into the forecastle, and both getting into the
same bunk, stretched ourselves out on the planks, and I tried my best to
get asleep. But though my companion soon began to snore very loud, for
me, I could not forget myself, owing to the horrid smell of the place,
my being so wet, cold, and hungry, and besides all that, I felt damp and
clammy about the heart. I lay turning over and over, listening to the
Lancashire boy's snoring, till at last I felt so, that I had to go on
deck; and there I walked till morning, which I thought would never come.

As soon as I thought the groceries on the wharf would be open I left the
ship and went to make my breakfast of another glass of water. But this
made me very qualmish; and soon I felt sick as death; my head was dizzy;
and I went staggering along the walk, almost blind. At last I dropt on a
heap of chain-cable, and shutting my eyes hard, did my best to rally
myself, in which I succeeded, at last, enough to get up and walk off.
Then I thought that I had done wrong in not returning to my friend's
house the day before; and would have walked there now, as it was, only
it was at least three miles up town; too far for me to walk in such a
state, and I had no sixpence to ride in an omnibus.




VI. HE IS INITIATED IN THE BUSINESS OF CLEANING OUT THE PIG-PEN, AND
SLUSHING DOWN THE TOP-MAST


By the time I got back to the ship, every thing was in an uproar. The
pea-jacket man was there, ordering about a good many men in the rigging,
and people were bringing off chickens, and pigs, and beef, and
vegetables from the shore. Soon after, another man, in a striped calico
shirt, a short blue jacket and beaver hat, made his appearance, and went
to ordering about the man in the big pea-jacket; and at last the captain
came up the side, and began to order about both of them.

These two men turned out to be the first and second mates of the ship.

Thinking to make friends with the second mate, I took out an old
tortoise-shell snuff-box of my father's, in which I had put a piece of
Cavendish tobacco, to look sailor-like, and offered the box to him very
politely. He stared at me a moment, and then exclaimed, "Do you think we
take snuff aboard here, youngster? no, no, no time for snuff-taking at
sea; don't let the 'old man' see that snuff-box; take my advice and
pitch it overboard as quick as you can."

I told him it was not snuff, but tobacco; when he said, he had plenty of
tobacco of his own, and never carried any such nonsense about him as a
tobacco-box. With that, he went off about his business, and left me
feeling foolish enough. But I had reason to be glad he had acted thus,
for if he had not, I think I should have offered my box to the chief
mate, who in that case, from what I afterward learned of him, would have
knocked me down, or done something else equally uncivil.

As I was standing looking round me, the chief mate approached in a great
hurry about something, and seeing me in his way, cried out, "Ashore with
you, you young loafer! There's no stealings here; sail away, I tell you,
with that shooting-jacket!"

Upon this I retreated, saying that I was going out in the ship as a
sailor.

"A sailor!" he cried, "a barber's clerk, you mean; you going out in the
ship? what, in that jacket? Hang me, I hope the old man hasn't been
shipping any more greenhorns like you--he'll make a shipwreck of it if he
has. But this is the way nowadays; to save a few dollars in seamen's
wages, they think nothing of shipping a parcel of farmers and
clodhoppers and baby-boys. What's your name, Pillgarlic?"

"Redburn," said I.

"A pretty handle to a man, that; scorch you to take hold of it; haven't
you got any other?"

"Wellingborough," said I.

"Worse yet. Who had the baptizing of ye? Why didn't they call you Jack,
or Jill, or something short and handy. But I'll baptize you over again.
D'ye hear, sir, henceforth your name is Buttons. And now do you go,
Buttons, and clean out that pig-pen in the long-boat; it has not been
cleaned out since last voyage. And bear a hand about it, d'ye hear;
there's them pigs there waiting to be put in; come, be off about it,
now."

Was this then the beginning of my sea-career? set to cleaning out a
pig-pen, the very first thing?

But I thought it best to say nothing; I had bound myself to obey orders,
and it was too late to retreat. So I only asked for a shovel, or spade,
or something else to work with.

"We don't dig gardens here," was the reply; "dig it out with your
teeth!"

After looking round, I found a stick and went to scraping out the pen,
which was awkward work enough, for another boat called the "jolly-boat,"
was capsized right over the longboat, which brought them almost close
together. These two boats were in the middle of the deck. I managed to
crawl inside of the long-boat; and after barking my shins against the
seats, and bumping my head a good many times, I got along to the stern,
where the pig-pen was.

While I was hard at work a drunken sailor peeped in, and cried out to
his comrades, "Look here, my lads, what sort of a pig do you call this?
Hallo! inside there! what are you 'bout there? trying to stow yourself
away to steal a passage to Liverpool? Out of that! out of that, I say."
But just then the mate came along and ordered this drunken rascal
ashore.

The pig-pen being cleaned out, I was set to work picking up some
shavings, which lay about the deck; for there had been carpenters at
work on board. The mate ordered me to throw these shavings into the
long-boat at a particular place between two of the seats. But as I found
it hard work to push the shavings through in that place, and as it
looked wet there, I thought it would be better for the shavings as well
as myself, to thrust them where there was a larger opening and a dry
spot. While I was thus employed, the mate observing me, exclaimed with
an oath, "Didn't I tell you to put those shavings somewhere else? Do
what I tell you, now, Buttons, or mind your eye!"

Stifling my indignation at his rudeness, which by this time I found was
my only plan, I replied that that was not so good a place for the
shavings as that which I myself had selected, and asked him to tell me
why he wanted me to put them in the place he designated. Upon this, he
flew into a terrible rage, and without explanation reiterated his order
like a clap of thunder.

This was my first lesson in the discipline of the sea, and I never
forgot it. From that time I learned that sea-officers never gave reasons
for any thing they order to be done. It is enough that they command it,
so that the motto is, "Obey orders, though you break owners."

I now began to feel very faint and sick again, and longed for the ship
to be leaving the dock; for then I made no doubt we would soon be having
something to eat. But as yet, I saw none of the sailors on board, and as
for the men at work in the rigging, I found out that they were
"riggers," that is, men living ashore, who worked by the day in getting
ships ready for sea; and this I found out to my cost, for yielding to
the kind blandishment of one of these riggers, I had swapped away my
jackknife with him for a much poorer one of his own, thinking to secure
a sailor friend for the voyage. At last I watched my chance, and while
people's backs were turned, I seized a carrot from several bunches lying
on deck, and clapping it under the skirts of my shooting-jacket, went
forward to eat it; for I had often eaten raw carrots, which taste
something like chestnuts. This carrot refreshed me a good deal, though
at the expense of a little pain in my stomach. Hardly had I disposed of
it, when I heard the chief mate's voice crying out for "Buttons." I ran
after him, and received an order to go aloft and "slush down the
main-top mast."

This was all Greek to me, and after receiving the order, I stood staring
about me, wondering what it was that was to be done. But the mate had
turned on his heel, and made no explanations. At length I followed after
him, and asked what I must do.

"Didn't I tell you to slush down the main-top mast?" he shouted.

"You did," said I, "but I don't know what that means."

"Green as grass! a regular cabbage-head!" he exclaimed to himself. "A
fine time I'll have with such a greenhorn aboard. Look you, youngster.
Look up to that long pole there--d'ye see it? that piece of a tree there,
you timber-head--well--take this bucket here, and go up the rigging--that
rope-ladder there--do you understand?--and dab this slush all over the
mast, and look out for your head if one drop falls on deck. Be off now,
Buttons."

The eventful hour had arrived; for the first time in my life I was to
ascend a ship's mast. Had I been well and hearty, perhaps I should have
felt a little shaky at the thought; but as I was then, weak and faint,
the bare thought appalled me.

But there was no hanging back; it would look like cowardice, and I could
not bring myself to confess that I was suffering for want of food; so
rallying again, I took up the bucket.

It was a heavy bucket, with strong iron hoops, and might have held
perhaps two gallons. But it was only half full now of a sort of thick
lobbered gravy, which I afterward learned was boiled out of the salt
beef used by the sailors. Upon getting into the rigging, I found it was
no easy job to carry this heavy bucket up with me. The rope handle of it
was so slippery with grease, that although I twisted it several times
about my wrist, it would be still twirling round and round, and slipping
off. Spite of this, however, I managed to mount as far as the "top," the
clumsy bucket half the time straddling and swinging about between my
legs, and in momentary danger of capsizing. Arrived at the "top," I came
to a dead halt, and looked up. How to surmount that overhanging
impediment completely posed me for the time. But at last, with much
straining, I contrived to place my bucket in the "top;" and then,
trusting to Providence, swung myself up after it. The rest of the road
was comparatively easy; though whenever I incautiously looked down
toward the deck, my head spun round so from weakness, that I was obliged
to shut my eyes to recover myself. I do not remember much more. I only
recollect my safe return to the deck.

In a short time the bustle of the ship increased; the trunks of cabin
passengers arrived, and the chests and boxes of the steerage passengers,
besides baskets of wine and fruit for the captain.

At last we cast loose, and swinging out into the stream, came to anchor,
and hoisted the signal for sailing. Every thing, it seemed, was on board
but the crew; who in a few hours after, came off, one by one, in
Whitehall boats, their chests in the bow, and themselves lying back in
the stem like lords; and showing very plainly the complacency they felt
in keeping the whole ship waiting for their lordships.

"Ay, ay," muttered the chief mate, as they rolled out of then-boats and
swaggered on deck, "it's your turn now, but it will be mine before long.
Yaw about while you may, my hearties, I'll do the yawing after the
anchor's up."

Several of the sailors were very drunk, and one of them was lifted on
board insensible by his landlord, who carried him down below and dumped
him into a bunk. And two other sailors, as soon as they made their
appearance, immediately went below to sleep off the fumes of their
drink.

At last, all the crew being on board, word was passed to go to dinner
fore and aft, an order that made my heart jump with delight, for now my
long fast would be broken. But though the sailors, surfeited with eating
and drinking ashore, did not then touch the salt beef and potatoes which
the black cook handed down into the forecastle; and though this left the
whole allowance to me; to my surprise, I found that I could eat little
or nothing; for now I only felt deadly faint, but not hungry.




VII. HE GETS TO SEA AND FEELS VERY BAD


Every thing at last being in readiness, the pilot came on board, and all
hands were called to up anchor. While I worked at my bar, I could not
help observing how haggard the men looked, and how much they suffered
from this violent exercise, after the terrific dissipation in which they
had been indulging ashore. But I soon learnt that sailors breathe
nothing about such things, but strive their best to appear all alive and
hearty, though it comes very hard for many of them.

The anchor being secured, a steam tug-boat with a strong name, the
Hercules, took hold of us; and away we went past the long line of
shipping, and wharves, and warehouses; and rounded the green south point
of the island where the Battery is, and passed Governor's Island, and
pointed right out for the Narrows.

My heart was like lead, and I felt bad enough, Heaven knows; but then,
there was plenty of work to be done, which kept my thoughts from
becoming too much for me.

And I tried to think all the time, that I was going to England, and
that, before many months, I should have actually been there and home
again, telling my adventures to my brothers and sisters; and with what
delight they would listen, and how they would look up to me then, and
reverence my sayings; and how that even my elder brother would be forced
to treat me with great consideration, as having crossed the Atlantic
Ocean, which he had never done, and there was no probability he ever
would.

With such thoughts as these I endeavored to shake off my heavy-
heartedness; but it would not do at all; for this was only the first day
of the voyage, and many weeks, nay, several whole months must elapse
before the voyage was ended; and who could tell what might happen to
me; for when I looked up at the high, giddy masts, and thought how
often I must be going up and down them, I thought sure enough that some
luckless day or other, I would certainly fall overboard and be drowned.
And then, I thought of lying down at the bottom of the sea, stark alone,
with the great waves rolling over me, and no one in the wide world
knowing that I was there. And I thought how much better and sweeter it
must be, to be buried under the pleasant hedge that bounded the sunny
south side of our village grave-yard, where every Sunday I had used to
walk after church in the afternoon; and I almost wished I was there now;
yes, dead and buried in that churchyard. All the time my eyes were
filled with tears, and I kept holding my breath, to choke down the sobs,
for indeed I could not help feeling as I did, and no doubt any boy in
the world would have felt just as I did then.

As the steamer carried us further and further down the bay, and we
passed ships lying at anchor, with men gazing at us and waving their
hats; and small boats with ladies in them waving their handkerchiefs;
and passed the green shore of Staten Island, and caught sight of so many
beautiful cottages all overrun with vines, and planted on the beautiful
fresh mossy hill-sides; oh! then I would have given any thing if instead
of sailing out of the bay, we were only coming into it; if we had
crossed the ocean and returned, gone over and come back; and my heart
leaped up in me like something alive when I thought of really entering
that bay at the end of the voyage. But that was so far distant, that it
seemed it could never be. No, never, never more would I see New York
again.

And what shocked me more than any thing else, was to hear some of the
sailors, while they were at work coiling away the hawsers, talking about
the boarding-houses they were going to, when they came back; and how
that some friends of theirs had promised to be on the wharf when the
ship returned, to take them and their chests right up to Franklin-square
where they lived; and how that they would have a good dinner ready, and
plenty of cigars and spirits out on the balcony. I say this land of
talking shocked me, for they did not seem to consider, as I did, that
before any thing like that could happen, we must cross the great
Atlantic Ocean, cross over from America to Europe and back again, many
thousand miles of foaming ocean.

At that time I did not know what to make of these sailors; but this much
I thought, that when they were boys, they could never have gone to the
Sunday School; for they swore so, it made my ears tingle, and used words
that I never could hear without a dreadful loathing.

And are these the men, I thought to myself, that I must live with so
long? these the men I am to eat with, and sleep with all the time? And
besides, I now began to see, that they were not going to be very kind to
me; but I will tell all about that when the proper time comes.

Now you must not think, that because all these things were passing
through my mind, that I had nothing to do but sit still and think; no,
no, I was hard at work: for as long as the steamer had hold of us, we
were very busy coiling away ropes and cables, and putting the decks in
order; which were littered all over with odds and ends of things that
had to be put away.

At last we got as far as the Narrows, which every body knows is the
entrance to New York Harbor from sea; and it may well be called the
Narrows, for when you go in or out, it seems like going in or out of a
doorway; and when you go out of these Narrows on a long voyage like this
of mine, it seems like going out into the broad highway, where not a
soul is to be seen. For far away and away, stretches the great Atlantic
Ocean; and all you can see beyond it where the sky comes down to the
water. It looks lonely and desolate enough, and I could hardly believe,
as I gazed around me, that there could be any land beyond, or any place
like Europe or England or Liverpool in the great wide world. It seemed
too strange, and wonderful, and altogether incredible, that there could
really be cities and towns and villages and green fields and hedges and
farm-yards and orchards, away over that wide blank of sea, and away
beyond the place where the sky came down to the water. And to think of
steering right out among those waves, and leaving the bright land
behind, and the dark night coming on, too, seemed wild and foolhardy;
and I looked with a sort of fear at the sailors standing by me, who
could be so thoughtless at such a time. But then I remembered, how many
times my own father had said he had crossed the ocean; and I had never
dreamed of such a thing as doubting him; for I always thought him a
marvelous being, infinitely purer and greater than I was, who could not
by any possibility do wrong, or say an untruth. Yet now, how could I
credit it, that he, my own father, whom I so well remembered; had ever
sailed out of these Narrows, and sailed right through the sky and water
line, and gone to England, and France, Liverpool, and Marseilles. It was
too wonderful to believe.

Now, on the right hand side of the Narrows as you go out, the land is
quite high; and on the top of a fine cliff is a great castle or fort,
all in ruins, and with the trees growing round it. It was built by
Governor Tompkins in the time of the last war with England, but was
never used, I believe, and so they left it to decay. I had visited the
place once when we lived in New York, as long ago almost as I could
remember, with my father, and an uncle of mine, an old sea-captain, with
white hair, who used to sail to a place called Archangel in Russia, and
who used to tell me that he was with Captain Langsdorff, when Captain
Langsdorff crossed over by land from the sea of Okotsk in Asia to St.
Petersburgh, drawn by large dogs in a sled. I mention this of my uncle,
because he was the very first sea-captain I had ever seen, and his white
hair and fine handsome florid face made so strong an impression upon me,
that I have never forgotten him, though I only saw him during this one
visit of his to New York, for he was lost in the White Sea some years
after.

But I meant to speak about the fort. It was a beautiful place, as I
remembered it, and very wonderful and romantic, too, as it appeared to
me, when I went there with my uncle. On the side away from the water was
a green grove of trees, very thick and shady; and through this grove, in
a sort of twilight you came to an arch in the wall of the fort, dark as
night; and going in, you groped about in long vaults, twisting and
turning on every side, till at last you caught a peep of green grass and
sunlight, and all at once came out in an open space in the middle of the
castle. And there you would see cows quietly grazing, or ruminating
under the shade of young trees, and perhaps a calf frisking about, and
trying to catch its own tail; and sheep clambering among the mossy
ruins, and cropping the little tufts of grass sprouting out of the sides
of the embrasures for cannon. And once I saw a black goat with a long
beard, and crumpled horns, standing with his forefeet lifted high up on
the topmost parapet, and looking to sea, as if he were watching for a
ship that was bringing over his cousin. I can see him even now, and
though I have changed since then, the black goat looks just the same as
ever; and so I suppose he would, if I live to be as old as Methusaleh,
and have as great a memory as he must have had. Yes, the fort was a
beautiful, quiet, charming spot. I should like to build a little cottage
in the middle of it, and live there all my life. It was noon-day when I
was there, in the month of June, and there was little wind to stir the
trees, and every thing looked as if it was waiting for something, and
the sky overhead was blue as my mother's eye, and I was so glad and
happy then. But I must not think of those delightful days, before my
father became a bankrupt, and died, and we removed from the city; for
when I think of those days, something rises up in my throat and almost
strangles me.

Now, as we sailed through the Narrows, I caught sight of that beautiful
fort on the cliff, and could not help contrasting my situation now, with
what it was when with my father and uncle I went there so long ago. Then
I never thought of working for my living, and never knew that there were
hard hearts in the world; and knew so little of money, that when I
bought a stick of candy, and laid down a sixpence, I thought the
confectioner returned five cents, only that I might have money to buy
something else, and not because the pennies were my change, and
therefore mine by good rights. How different my idea of money now!

Then I was a schoolboy, and thought of going to college in time; and had
vague thoughts of becoming a great orator like Patrick Henry, whose
speeches I used to speak on the stage; but now, I was a poor friendless
boy, far away from my home, and voluntarily in the way of becoming a
miserable sailor for life. And what made it more bitter to me, was to
think of how well off were my cousins, who were happy and rich, and
lived at home with my uncles and aunts, with no thought of going to sea
for a living. I tried to think that it was all a dream, that I was not
where I was, not on board of a ship, but that I was at home again in the
city, with my father alive, and my mother bright and happy as she used
to be. But it would not do. I was indeed where I was, and here was the
ship, and there was the fort. So, after casting a last look at some boys
who were standing on the parapet, gazing off to sea, I turned away
heavily, and resolved not to look at the land any more.

About sunset we got fairly "outside," and well may it so be called; for
I felt thrust out of the world. Then the breeze began to blow, and the
sails were loosed, and hoisted; and after a while, the steamboat left
us, and for the first time I felt the ship roll, a strange feeling
enough, as if it were a great barrel in the water. Shortly after, I
observed a swift little schooner running across our bows, and
re-crossing again and again; and while I was wondering what she could
be, she suddenly lowered her sails, and two men took hold of a little
boat on her deck, and launched it overboard as if it had been a chip.
Then I noticed that our pilot, a red-faced man in a rough blue coat, who
to my astonishment had all this time been giving orders instead of the
captain, began to button up his coat to the throat, like a prudent
person about leaving a house at night in a lonely square, to go home;
and he left the giving orders to the chief mate, and stood apart talking
with the captain, and put his hand into his pocket, and gave him some
newspapers.

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