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Redburn. His First Voyage

H >> Herman Melville >> Redburn. His First Voyage




But you must not think from this, that persons called boys aboard
merchant-ships are all youngsters, though to be sure, I myself was
called a boy, and a boy I was. No. In merchant-ships, a boy means a
green-hand, a landsman on his first voyage. And never mind if he is old
enough to be a grandfather, he is still called a boy; and boys' work is
put upon him.

But I am straying off from what I was going to say about Jackson's
putting an end to the dispute between the two sailors in the forecastle
after breakfast. After they had been disputing some time about who had
been to sea the longest, Jackson told them to stop talking; and then
bade one of them open his mouth; for, said he, I can tell a sailor's age
just like a horse's--by his teeth. So the man laughed, and opened his
mouth; and Jackson made him step out under the scuttle, where the light
came down from deck; and then made him throw his head back, while he
looked into it, and probed a little with his jackknife, like a baboon
peering into a junk-bottle. I trembled for the poor fellow, just as if I
had seen him under the hands of a crazy barber, making signs to cut his
throat, and he all the while sitting stock still, with the lather on, to
be shaved. For I watched Jackson's eye and saw it snapping, and a sort
of going in and out, very quick, as if it were something like a forked
tongue; and somehow, I felt as if he were longing to kill the man; but
at last he grew more composed, and after concluding his examination,
said, that the first man was the oldest sailor, for the ends of his
teeth were the evenest and most worn down; which, he said, arose from
eating so much hard sea-biscuit; and this was the reason he could tell a
sailor's age like a horse's.

At this, every body made merry, and looked at each other, as much as to
say--come, boys, let's laugh; and they did laugh; and declared it was a
rare joke.

This was always the way with them. They made a point of shouting out,
whenever Jackson said any thing with a grin; that being the sign to them
that he himself thought it funny; though I heard many good jokes from
others pass off without a smile; and once Jackson himself (for, to tell
the truth, he sometimes had a comical way with him, that is, when his
back did not ache) told a truly funny story, but with a grave face;
when, not knowing how he meant it, whether for a laugh or otherwise,
they all sat still, waiting what to do, and looking perplexed enough;
till at last Jackson roared out upon them for a parcel of fools and
idiots; and told them to their beards, how it was; that he had purposely
put on his grave face, to see whether they would not look grave, too;
even when he was telling something that ought to split their sides. And
with that, he flouted, and jeered at them, and laughed them all to
scorn; and broke out in such a rage, that his lips began to glue
together at the corners with a fine white foam.

He seemed to be full of hatred and gall against every thing and every
body in the world; as if all the world was one person, and had done him
some dreadful harm, that was rankling and festering in his heart.
Sometimes I thought he was really crazy; and often felt so frightened at
him, that I thought of going to the captain about it, and telling him
Jackson ought to be confined, lest he should do some terrible thing at
last. But upon second thoughts, I always gave it up; for the captain
would only have called me a fool, and sent me forward again.

But you must not think that all the sailors were alike in abasing
themselves before this man. No: there were three or four who used to
stand up sometimes against him; and when he was absent at the wheel,
would plot against him among the other sailors, and tell them what a
shame and ignominy it was, that such a poor miserable wretch should be
such a tyrant over much better men than himself. And they begged and
conjured them as men, to put up with it no longer, but the very next
time, that Jackson presumed to play the dictator, that they should all
withstand him, and let him know his place. Two or three times nearly all
hands agreed to it, with the exception of those who used to slink off
during such discussions; and swore that they would not any more submit
to being ruled by Jackson. But when the time came to make good their
oaths, they were mum again, and let every thing go on the old way; so
that those who had put them up to it, had to bear all the brunt of
Jackson's wrath by themselves. And though these last would stick up a
little at first, and even mutter something about a fight to Jackson; yet
in the end, finding themselves unbefriended by the rest, they would
gradually become silent, and leave the field to the tyrant, who would
then fly out worse than ever, and dare them to do their worst, and jeer
at them for white-livered poltroons, who did not have a mouthful of
heart in them. At such times, there were no bounds to his contempt; and
indeed, all the time he seemed to have even more contempt than hatred,
for every body and every thing.

As for me, I was but a boy; and at any time aboard ship, a boy is
expected to keep quiet, do what he is bid, never presume to interfere,
and seldom to talk, unless spoken to. For merchant sailors have a great
idea of their dignity, and superiority to greenhorns and landsmen, who
know nothing about a ship; and they seem to think, that an able seaman
is a great man; at least a much greater man than a little boy. And the
able seamen in the Highlander had such grand notions about their
seamanship, that I almost thought that able seamen received diplomas,
like those given at colleges; and were made a sort A.M.S, or Masters of
Arts.

But though I kept thus quiet, and had very little to say, and well knew
that my best plan was to get along peaceably with every body, and indeed
endure a good deal before showing fight, yet I could not avoid Jackson's
evil eye, nor escape his bitter enmity. And his being my foe, set many
of the rest against me; or at least they were afraid to speak out for me
before Jackson; so that at last I found myself a sort of Ishmael in the
ship, without a single friend or companion; and I began to feel a hatred
growing up in me against the whole crew--so much so, that I prayed
against it, that it might not master my heart completely, and so make a
fiend of me, something like Jackson.




XII. HE HAS A FINE DAY AT SEA, BEGINS TO LIKE IT; BUT CHANGES HIS MIND


The second day out of port, the decks being washed down and breakfast
over, the watch was called, and the mate set us to work.

It was a very bright day. The sky and water were both of the same deep
hue; and the air felt warm and sunny; so that we threw off our jackets.
I could hardly believe that I was sailing in the same ship I had been in
during the night, when every thing had been so lonely and dim; and I
could hardly imagine that this was the same ocean, now so beautiful and
blue, that during part of the night-watch had rolled along so black and
forbidding.

There were little traces of sunny clouds all over the heavens; and
little fleeces of foam all over the sea; and the ship made a strange,
musical noise under her bows, as she glided along, with her sails all
still. It seemed a pity to go to work at such a time; and if we could
only have sat in the windlass again; or if they would have let me go out
on the bowsprit, and lay down between the manropes there, and look over
at the fish in the water, and think of home, I should have been almost
happy for a time.

I had now completely got over my sea-sickness, and felt very well; at
least in my body, though my heart was far from feeling right; so that I
could now look around me, and make observations.

And truly, though we were at sea, there was much to behold and wonder
at; to me, who was on my first voyage. What most amazed me was the sight
of the great ocean itself, for we were out of sight of land. All round
us, on both sides of the ship, ahead and astern, nothing was to be seen
but water-water--water; not a single glimpse of green shore, not the
smallest island, or speck of moss any where. Never did I realize till
now what the ocean was: how grand and majestic, how solitary, and
boundless, and beautiful and blue; for that day it gave no tokens of
squalls or hurricanes, such as I had heard my father tell of; nor could
I imagine, how any thing that seemed so playful and placid, could be
lashed into rage, and troubled into rolling avalanches of foam, and
great cascades of waves, such as I saw in the end.

As I looked at it so mild and sunny, I could not help calling to mind my
little brother's face, when he was sleeping an infant in the cradle. It
had just such a happy, careless, innocent look; and every happy little
wave seemed gamboling about like a thoughtless Little kid in a pasture;
and seemed to look up in your face as it passed, as if it wanted to be
patted and caressed. They seemed all live things with hearts in them,
that could feel; and I almost felt grieved, as we sailed in among them,
scattering them under our broad bows in sun-flakes, and riding over them
like a great elephant among lambs. But what seemed perhaps the most
strange to me of all, was a certain wonderful rising and falling of the
sea; I do not mean the waves themselves, but a sort of wide heaving and
swelling and sinking all over the ocean. It was something I can not very
well describe; but I know very well what it was, and how it affected me.
It made me almost dizzy to look at it; and yet I could not keep my eyes
off it, it seemed so passing strange and wonderful.

I felt as if in a dream all the time; and when I could shut the ship
out, almost thought I was in some new, fairy world, and expected to hear
myself called to, out of the clear blue air, or from the depths of the
deep blue sea. But I did not have much leisure to indulge in such
thoughts; for the men were now getting some stun'-sails ready to hoist
aloft, as the wind was getting fairer and fairer for us; and these
stun'-sails are light canvas which are spread at such times, away out
beyond the ends of the yards, where they overhang the wide water, like
the wings of a great bird.

For my own part, I could do but little to help the rest, not knowing the
name of any thing, or the proper way to go about aught. Besides, I felt
very dreamy, as I said before; and did not exactly know where, or what I
was; every thing was so strange and new.

While the stun'-sails were lying all tumbled upon the deck, and the
sailors were fastening them to the booms, getting them ready to hoist,
the mate ordered me to do a great many simple things, none of which
could I comprehend, owing to the queer words he used; and then, seeing
me stand quite perplexed and confounded, he would roar out at me, and
call me all manner of names, and the sailors would laugh and wink to
each other, but durst not go farther than that, for fear of the mate,
who in his own presence would not let any body laugh at me but himself.

However, I tried to wake up as much as I could, and keep from dreaming
with my eyes open; and being, at bottom, a smart, apt lad, at last I
managed to learn a thing or two, so that I did not appear so much like a
fool as at first.

People who have never gone to sea for the first time as sailors, can not
imagine how puzzling and confounding it is. It must be like going into a
barbarous country, where they speak a strange dialect, arid dress in
strange clothes, and live in strange houses. For sailors have their own
names, even for things that are familiar ashore; and if you call a thing
by its shore name, you are laughed at for an ignoramus and a landlubber.
This first day I speak of, the mate having ordered me to draw some
water, I asked him where I was to get the pail; when I thought I had
committed some dreadful crime; for he flew into a great passion, and
said they never had any pails at sea, and then I learned that they were
always called buckets. And once I was talking about sticking a little
wooden peg into a bucket to stop a leak, when he flew out again, and
said there were no pegs at sea, only plugs. And just so it was with
every thing else.

But besides all this, there is such an infinite number of totally new
names of new things to learn, that at first it seemed impossible for me
to master them all. If you have ever seen a ship, you must have remarked
what a thicket of ropes there are; and how they all seemed mixed and
entangled together like a great skein of yarn. Now the very smallest of
these ropes has its own proper name, and many of them are very lengthy,
like the names of young royal princes, such as the starboard-main-top-
gallant-bow-line, or the larboard-fore-top-sail-clue-line.

I think it would not be a bad plan to have a grand new naming of a
ship's ropes, as I have read, they once had a simplifying of the classes
of plants in Botany. It is really wonderful how many names there are in
the world. There is no counting the names, that surgeons and anatomists
give to the various parts of the human body; which, indeed, is something
like a ship; its bones being the stiff standing-rigging, and the sinews
the small running ropes, that manage all the motions.

I wonder whether mankind could not get along without all these names,
which keep increasing every day, and hour, and moment; till at last the
very air will be full of them; and even in a great plain, men will be
breathing each other's breath, owing to the vast multitude of words they
use, that consume all the air, just as lamp-burners do gas. But people
seem to have a great love for names; for to know a great many names,
seems to look like knowing a good many things; though I should not be
surprised, if there were a great many more names than things in the
world. But I must quit this rambling, and return to my story.

At last we hoisted the stun'-sails up to the top-sail yards, and as soon
as the vessel felt them, she gave a sort of bound like a horse, and the
breeze blowing more and more, she went plunging along, shaking off the
foam from her bows, like foam from a bridle-bit. Every mast and timber
seemed to have a pulse in it that was beating with Me and joy; and I
felt a wild exulting in my own heart, and felt as if I would be glad to
bound along so round the world.

Then was I first conscious of a wonderful thing in me, that responded to
all the wild commotion of the outer world; and went reeling on and on
with the planets in their orbits, and was lost in one delirious throb at
the center of the All. A wild bubbling and bursting was at my heart, as
if a hidden spring had just gushed out there; and my blood ran tingling
along my frame, like mountain brooks in spring freshets.

Yes I yes! give me this glorious ocean life, this salt-sea life, this
briny, foamy life, when the sea neighs and snorts, and you breathe the
very breath that the great whales respire! Let me roll around the globe,
let me rock upon the sea; let me race and pant out my life, with an
eternal breeze astern, and an endless sea before!

But how soon these raptures abated, when after a brief idle interval, we
were again set to work, and I had a vile commission to clean out the
chicken coops, and make up the beds of the pigs in the long-boat.

Miserable dog's life is this of the sea! commanded like a slave, and set
to work like an ass! vulgar and brutal men lording it over me, as if I
were an African in Alabama. Yes, yes, blow on, ye breezes, and make a
speedy end to this abominable voyage!




XIV. HE CONTEMPLATES MAKING A SOCIAL CALL ON THE CAPTAIN IN HIS CABIN


What reminded me most forcibly of my ignominious condition, was the
widely altered manner of the captain toward me.

I had thought him a fine, funny gentleman, full of mirth and good humor,
and good will to seamen, and one who could not fail to appreciate the
difference between me and the rude sailors among whom I was thrown.
Indeed, I had made no doubt that he would in some special manner take me
under his protection, and prove a kind friend and benefactor to me; as I
had heard that some sea-captains are fathers to their crew; and so they
are; but such fathers as Solomon's precepts tend to make--severe and
chastising fathers, fathers whose sense of duty overcomes the sense of
love, and who every day, in some sort, play the part of Brutus, who
ordered his son away to execution, as I have read in our old family
Plutarch.

Yes, I thought that Captain Riga, for Riga was his name, would be
attentive and considerate to me, and strive to cheer me up, and comfort
me in my lonesomeness. I did not even deem it at all impossible that he
would invite me down into the cabin of a pleasant night, to ask me
questions concerning my parents, and prospects in life; besides
obtaining from me some anecdotes touching my great-uncle, the
illustrious senator; or give me a slate and pencil, and teach me
problems in navigation; or perhaps engage me at a game of chess. I even
thought he might invite me to dinner on a sunny Sunday, and help me
plentifully to the nice cabin fare, as knowing how distasteful the salt
beef and pork, and hard biscuit of the forecastle must at first be to a
boy like me, who had always lived ashore, and at home.

And I could not help regarding him with peculiar emotions, almost of
tenderness and love, as the last visible link in the chain of
associations which bound me to my home. For, while yet in port, I had
seen him and Mr. Jones, my brother's friend, standing together and
conversing; so that from the captain to my brother there was but one
intermediate step; and my brother and mother and sisters were one.

And this reminds me how often I used to pass by the places on deck,
where I remembered Mr. Jones had stood when we first visited the ship
lying at the wharf; and how I tried to convince myself that it was
indeed true, that he had stood there, though now the ship was so far
away on the wide Atlantic Ocean, and he perhaps was walking down
Wall-street, or sitting reading the newspaper in his counting room,
while poor I was so differently employed.

When two or three days had passed without the captain's speaking to me
in any way, or sending word into the forecastle that he wished me to
drop into the cabin to pay my respects. I began to think whether I
should not make the first advances, and whether indeed he did not expect
it of me, since I was but a boy, and he a man; and perhaps that might
have been the reason why he had not spoken to me yet, deeming it more
proper and respectful for me to address him first. I thought he might be
offended, too, especially if he were a proud man, with tender feelings.
So one evening, a little before sundown, in the second dog-watch, when
there was no more work to be done, I concluded to call and see him.

After drawing a bucket of water, and having a good washing, to get off
some of the chicken-coop stains, I went down into the forecastle to
dress myself as neatly as I could. I put on a white shirt in place of my
red one, and got into a pair of cloth trowsers instead of my duck ones,
and put on my new pumps, and then carefully brushing my shooting-jacket,
I put that on over all, so that upon the whole, I made quite a genteel
figure, at least for a forecastle, though I would not have looked so
well in a drawing-room.

When the sailors saw me thus employed, they did not know what to make of
it, and wanted to know whether I was dressing to go ashore; I told them
no, for we were then out of sight of mind; but that I was going to pay
my respects to the captain. Upon which they all laughed and shouted, as
if I were a simpleton; though there seemed nothing so very simple in
going to make an evening call upon a friend. When some of them tried to
dissuade me, saying I was green and raw; but Jackson, who sat looking
on, cried out, with a hideous grin, "Let him go, let him go, men--he's a
nice boy. Let him go; the captain has some nuts and raisins for him."
And so he was going on, when one of his violent fits of coughing seized
him, and he almost choked.

As I was about leaving the forecastle, I happened to look at my hands,
and seeing them stained all over of a deep yellow, for that morning the
mate had set me to tarring some strips of canvas for the rigging I
thought it would never do to present myself before a gentleman that way;
so for want of lads, I slipped on a pair of woolen mittens, which my
mother had knit for me to carry to sea. As I was putting them on,
Jackson asked me whether he shouldn't call a carriage; and another bade
me not forget to present his best respects to the skipper. I left them
all tittering, and coming on deck was passing the cook-house, when the
old cook called after me, saying I had forgot my cane.

But I did not heed their impudence, and was walking straight toward the
cabin-door on the quarter-deck, when the chief mate met me. I touched my
hat, and was passing him, when, after staring at me till I thought his
eyes would burst out, he all at once caught me by the collar, and with a
voice of thunder, wanted to know what I meant by playing such tricks
aboard a ship that he was mate of? I told him to let go of me, or I
would complain to my friend the captain, whom I intended to visit that
evening. Upon this he gave me such a whirl round, that I thought the
Gulf Stream was in my head; and then shoved me forward, roaring out I
know not what. Meanwhile the sailors were all standing round the
windlass looking aft, mightily tickled.

Seeing I could not effect my object that night, I thought it best to
defer it for the present; and returning among the sailors, Jackson asked
me how I had found the captain, and whether the next time I went, I
would not take a friend along and introduce him.

The upshot of this business was, that before I went to sleep that night,
I felt well satisfied that it was not customary for sailors to call on
the captain in the cabin; and I began to have an inkling of the fact,
that I had acted like a fool; but it all arose from my ignorance of sea
usages.

And here I may as well state, that I never saw the inside of the cabin
during the whole interval that elapsed from our sailing till our return
to New York; though I often used to get a peep at it through a little
pane of glass, set in the house on deck, just before the helm, where a
watch was kept hanging for the helmsman to strike the half hours by,
with his little bell in the binnacle, where the compass was. And it used
to be the great amusement of the sailors to look in through the pane of
glass, when they stood at the wheel, and watch the proceedings in the
cabin; especially when the steward was setting the table for dinner, or
the captain was lounging over a decanter of wine on a little mahogany
stand, or playing the game called solitaire, at cards, of an evening;
for at times he was all alone with his dignity; though, as will ere long
be shown, he generally had one pleasant companion, whose society he did
not dislike.

The day following my attempt to drop in at the cabin, I happened to be
making fast a rope on the quarter-deck, when the captain suddenly made
his appearance, promenading up and down, and smoking a cigar. He looked
very good-humored and amiable, and it being just after his dinner, I
thought that this, to be sure, was just the chance I wanted.

I waited a little while, thinking he would speak to me himself; but as
he did not, I went up to him, and began by saying it was a very pleasant
day, and hoped he was very well. I never saw a man fly into such a rage;
I thought he was going to knock me down; but after standing speechless
awhile, he all at once plucked his cap from his head and threw it at me.
I don't know what impelled me, but I ran to the lee-scuppers where it
fell, picked it up, and gave it to him with a bow; when the mate came
running up, and thrust me forward again; and after he had got me as far
as the windlass, he wanted to know whether I was crazy or not; for if I
was, he would put me in irons right off, and have done with it.

But I assured him I was in my right mind, and knew perfectly well that I
had been treated in the most rude and un-gentlemanly manner both by him
and Captain Riga. Upon this, he rapped out a great oath, and told me if
I ever repeated what I had done that evening, or ever again presumed so
much as to lift my hat to the captain, he would tie me into the rigging,
and keep me there until I learned better manners. "You are very green,"
said he, "but I'll ripen you." Indeed this chief mate seemed to have the
keeping of the dignity of the captain; who, in some sort, seemed too
dignified personally to protect his own dignity.

I thought this strange enough, to be reprimanded, and charged with
rudeness for an act of common civility. However, seeing how matters
stood, I resolved to let the captain alone for the future, particularly
as he had shown himself so deficient in the ordinary breeding of a
gentleman. And I could hardly credit it, that this was the same man who
had been so very civil, and polite, and witty, when Mr. Jones and I
called upon him in port.

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