The Satyricon

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Our pleasant discourse continuing, I desir'd her to bring her lady:
she readily consented, and taking hold of her petticoats, tript it
into a lawrel labyrinth, that border'd on the walk; 'twas not long
e're she usher'd her lady to me; a beauty excelling even the flattery
of painters; words can't express so perfect a creature; whatever I
shou'd say of her wou'd fall short of what she was. Her hair spread
all o're her shoulders, and seem'd in easie curls to wanton in the
air. Her forehead oval, and that naturally inclin'd the hair to its
advantage. The proportion of her eye-brows was most correct. Her
eyes eclypst the glory of the brightest star. Her nose had an easie
turn, and mouth was such Pragiteless believ'd Venus had. Then her
chin, her neck, her arms, and feet, gently girt with embroider'd
sandals, to whose whiteness the Parian marble wou'd serve but as a
foil. 'Twas then I began to despise my old mistress Doris. And thus
broke out:

"Sure amorous Jove's a holy tale above;
With fancy'd arts that wait upon his love,
When we are blest with such a charm as this,
And he no rival of our happiness:
How well the bull wou'd now the god become:
Or his grey-hairs to be transform'd to down?
Here's Danae's self, a touch from her wou'd fire
And make the god in liquid joys expire."

She was pleas'd, and smil'd with such an air, that, she seem'd like
the moon in all her glories breaking through a cloud, when addressing
her self, her pretty fingers humouring the turn of her voice, "If a
fine woman, and that but this year, has been acquaint'd with a man,"
said she, "may deserve your love, let me commend a mistress to you. I
am sensible you have a comrade already, nor have I thought it below me
to inquire it: But why not a mistress too? I enter the list on the
same bottom with your comrade; nor do I desire to engross all the
caresses; only think me deserving, and confer them as you please."

"Let me beseech you, madam," return'd I, "by all those cupids in your
face and meen, not to scorn to admit a stranger into the number of
your admirers. You'l find him most religious, if you accept his
devotions, and that you shou'd not suspect I believe the way to this
heaven, unlike all others, may be trod gratis, I present you with my
comrade."

"What?" said she, "do you give him without whom you cou'd not live?
On whose lips your very being hangs? Whom you so love, as I cou'd
you." Her words were attended with such a grace at their delivery,
and the sweet sound so, charm'd the yielding air, you wou'd have
sworne some syren had been breathing melodies. Thus rapt with every
thing so amazing, and fancying a glory shin'd in every part, I
ventur'd to enquire what name the goddess own'd? "My maid, I
perceive," said she, "has not inform'd you, I am call'd Circe; I would
not have you believe tho, I bear that name, that I derive my original
from Apollo; nor that my mother, while she lay in the god's imbraces,
held the fiery steeds: Yet I shall know enough of heaven, if fate will
give you to my arms. And who knows the dark decrees? Therefore come,
my dear, and crown my wishes. Nor need you fear any malicious
disturbance of our joys. Your comrade is far enough from hence."

Upon which she threw her downy arms about me, and led me to a plat of
ground, the pride of nature, deckt with a gay variety of every
pleasing object.

On Ida's top, when Jove his nymph carest,
And lawless in open view exprest:
His Mother Earth in all her charms was seen,
The rose, the violet, the sweet jessamin,
And the fair lily smiling on the green.
Such was the plat on which my Venus lay,
But secret our love, more glorious the day,
When all around was bright, and as the nymph as gay.

Here we prepar'd for battel, and through ten thousand kisses prest to
a closer engagement; but a sudden weakness rob'd me of my arms. Thus
cheated in her expectations, she highly resenting it, asks whether her
lips, her breath, or some ill scent of any part of her, offended me.
Or, if none of those, whether I fear'd Gito?

I was so asham'd of my self, that if there was any spark of the man
left in me, I lost it. And finding every part of me feeble, and as it
were lifeless: "I beseech you, madam," said I, "don't triumph over my
misery; I'm surely bewitcht."

So slight an excuse could not allay her resentment, but giving me a
disdainful glance, she turn'd to her maid, and, "I prithee Chrysis,"
said she, "be free with me, don't flatter your mistress. Is there any
thing misbecoming or ungentle about me? Or have I us'd art to hide
any natural deformity? I don't know how you've drest me to-day."

Upon which, e're Chrysis cou'd make a return, she snatcht a
pocket-glass from her, and after she had practis'd all her looks, to
try if any appear'd less charming than before, she took hold of her
petticoats that were a little rumpled with lying on, and immediately
ran to a neighbouring temple dedicated to Venus.

I could not tell what to say or do, but as if I had seen a vision, at
last began with horror to consider whether I had been rob'd of any
real joy.

So when a dream our wandring eyes betrays,
And to our side some hidden gold conveys;
Our busie hands the inviting treasure seize,
And hid in guilty folds the fancy'd prize.
Sweating we fear lest any conscious spy,
Might search our bosom, and the theft descry.
But with our sieep when all our joys are o're,
And minds restor'd to what they were before,
Concern'd, we wish the fancy'd loss regain'd,
And with the image still are entertain'd.

This misfortune might make me justly think it not only a true vision,
but real witchcraft; for I had so long lost my strength I cou'd not
rise: My mind at last, a little freed, began by degrees to recover its
vigour, upon which I went to my lodging, and dissembling a faintness,
lay down on the bed. A little after Gito, being inform'd I was ill,
came to me, much troubl'd; but to allay his concern, I told him I was
only a little weary, and had a mind for a nap. Several things I talkt
to him of, but not a word of my last adventure, for I was afraid
because I knew he envy'd every one that had a charm for me, and to
prevent his suspicion, throwing my arms about him, I endeavour'd to
give a proof of my love; but disappointed of the expectation I had
rais'd him to, he rose very angry from my side, and accusing my
weakness, and strange behaviour to him, told me that of late he had
found my chief favours were bestow'd in another's arms.

"My love to you, Gito," said I, "has ever been the same, but now my
dancing-days submit to reason."

"Therefore," said he, laughing at me, "in the name of Socrates, I
thank you, because like him, you propose to love me: Alcibiades,
Encolpius, did not rise a virgin from that philosopher's side."

"Then," added I, "believe me, Gito, I hardly know I've any thing of
man about me, how useless lyes the terrible part, where once I was
Achilles."

When he found how unfit I was to confer the favours he wanted, and to
prevent suspicion, of his privacy with me, he jumpt up and ran to
another part of the house.

He was hardly gone, e're Chrysis enter'd my chamber, and gave me a
billet from her mistress, in which I found this written:

"Had I rais'd my expectation, I might deceiv'd complain; now I'm
obliged to your impotence, that has made me sensible how much too long
I have trifl'd with mistaken hopes of pleasure. Tell me, sir, how you
design to bestow your self, and whether you dare rashly venture home
on your own legs? for no physician ever allow'd it cou'd be done
without strength. Let me advise your tender years to beware of a
palsie: I never saw any body in such danger before. On my conscience
you are just going! and shou'd the same rude chilliness seize your
other parts, I might be soon, alas! put upon the severe trial of
weeping at your funeral. But if you would not suspect me of not being
sincere, tho' my resentment can't equal the injury, yet I shall not
envy the cure of a weak unhappy wretch. If you wou'd recover your
strength, ask Gito, or rather not ask him for't--I can assure a return
of your vigour if you cou'd sleep three nights alone: As to myself I
am not in the least apprehensive of appearing to another less charming
than I have to you. I am told neither my glass nor report does
flatter me. Farewell, if you can."

When Chrysis found I had read the reproach, "This is the custom, sir,"
said she, "and chiefly of this city, where the women are skill'd in
magick-charms, enough to make the moon confess their power, therefore
the recovery of any useful instrument of love becomes their care; 'tis
only writing some soft tender things to my lady, and you make her
happy in a kind return. For 'tis confest, since her disappointment,
she has not been her self." I readily consented, and calling for
paper, thus addrest myself:

"'Tis confest, madam, I have often sinned, for I'm not only a man, but
a very young one, yet never left the field so dishonourably before.
You have at your feet a confessing criminal, that deserves whatever
you inflict: I have cut a throat, betray'd my country, committed
sacrilege; if a punishment for any of these will serve, I am ready to
receive sentence. If you fancy my death, I wait you with my sword;
but if a beating will content you, I fly naked to your arms. Only
remember, that 'twas not the workman, but his instruments that fail'd:
I was ready to engage, but wanted arms. Who rob'd me of them I know
not; perhaps my eager mind outrun my body; or while with an unhappy
haste I aim'd at all; I was cheated with abortive joys. I only know I
don't know what I've done: You bid me fear a palsie, as if the diseast
cou'd do greater that has already rob'd me of that, by which I shou'd
have purchas'd you. All I have to say for my self, is this, that I
will certainly pay with interest the arrears of love, if you allow me
time to repair my misfortune."

Having sent back Chrysis with this answer, to encourage my jaded body
after the bath and strengthening oyles, had a little rais'd me, I
apply'd my self to strong meats, such as strong broths and eggs, using
wine very moderately; upon which to settle my self, I took a little
walk, and returning to my chamber, slept that night without Gito; so
great was my care to acquit my self honourably with my mistress, that
I was afraid he might have tempted my constancy, by tickling my side.

The next day rising without prejudice, either to my body or spirits, I
went, tho' I fear'd the place was ominous, to the same walk, and
expected Chrysis to conduct me to her mistress; I had not been long
there, e're she came to me, and with her a little old woman. After
she had saluted me, "What, my nice Sir Courtly," said she, "does your
stomach begin to come to you?"

At what time, the old woman, drawing from her bosome, a wreath of many
colours, bound my neck; and having mixt spittle and dust, she dipt her
finger in't, and markt my fore-head, whether I wou'd or not.

When this part of the charm was over, she made me spit thrice, and as
often prest to my bosom enchanted stones, that she had wrapt in
purple; Admotisque manibus temptare coepit inguinum vives. Dicto
citius nervi paruerunt imperio manusque aniculae ingenti motu
repleverunt. At illa gaudio exsultans, "vides," inquit, "Chrysis mea,
vides quod aliis leporem excitavi?"

Never despair; Priapus I invoke
To help the parts that make his altars smoke.

After this, the old woman presented me to Chrysis; who was very glad
she had recover'd her mistress's treasure; and therefore hastening to
her, she conducted me to a most pleasant retreat, deckt with all that
nature cou'd produce to please the sight.

Where lofty plains o're-spread a summer shade,
And well-trimm'd pines their shaking tops display'd,
Where Daphne 'midst the cyprus crown'd her head.
Near these, a circling river gently flows,
And rolls the pebbles as it murmuring goes;
A place design'd for love, the nightingale
And other wing'd inhabitants can tell.
That on each bush salute the coming day,
And in their orgyes sing its hours away.

She was in an undress, reclining on a flowry bank, and diverting her
self with a myrtle branch; as soon as I appear'd, she blusht, as
mindful of her disappointment: Chrysis, very prudently withdrew, and
when we were left together, I approacht the temptation; at what time,
she skreen'd my face with the myrtle, and as if there had been a wall
between us, becoming more bold; "what, my chill'd spark," began she,
"have you brought all your self to day?"

"Do you ask, madam," I return'd, "rather than try?" And throwing my
self to her, that with open arms was eager to receive me, we kist a
little age away; when giving the signal to prepare for other joys, she
drew me to a more close imbrace; and now, our murmuring kisses their
sweet fury tell; now, our twining limbs, try'd each fold of love; now,
lockt in each others arms, our bodies and our souls are join'd; but
even here, alas! even amidst these sweet beginnings, a sudden
chilliness prest upon my joys, and made me leave 'em not compleat.

Circe, enrag'd to be so affronted, had recourse to revenge, and
calling the grooms that belong'd to the house, made them give me a
warming; nor was she satisfi'd with this, but calling all the
servant-wenches, and meanest of the house, she made 'em spit upon me.
I hid my head as well as I cou'd, and, without begging pardon, for I
knew what I had deserv'd, am turn'd out of doors, with a large retinue
of kicks and spittle: Proselenos, the old woman was turn'd out too,
and Chrysis beaten; and the whole family wondering with themselves,
enquir'd the cause of their lady's disorder.

I hid my bruises as well as I cou'd, lest my rival Eumolpus might
sport with my shame, or Gito be concern'd at it; therefore as the only
way to disguise my misfortune, I began to dissemble sickness, and
having got in bed, to revenge my self of that part of me, that had
been the cause of all my misfortunes; when taking hold of it,

With dreadful steel, the part I wou'd have lopt,
Thrice from my trembling hand the razor dropt.
Now, what I might before, I could not do,
For cold as ice the fearful thing withdrew;
And shrunk behind a wrinkled canopy,
Hiding his head from my revenge and me.
Thus, by his fear, I'm baulkt of my design,
When I in words more killing vent my spleen.

At what time, raising myself on the bed, in this or like manner, I
reproacht the sullen impotent: With what face can you look up, thou
shame of heaven and man? that can'st not be seriously mention'd. Have
I deserv'd from you, when rais'd within sight of heavens of joys, to
be struck down to the lowest hell? To have a scandal fixt on the very
prime and vigour of my years, and to be reduc'd to the weakness of an
old man? I beseech you, sir, give me an epitaph on my departed
vigour; tho' in a great heat I had thus said,

He still continu'd looking on the ground,
Nor more, at this had rais'd his guilty head,
Than th' drooping poppy on its tender stalk.

Nor when I had done, did I less repent of my ridiculous passion, and
with a conscious blush, began to think, how unaccountable it was, that
forgetting all shame, I shou'd contend with that part of me, that all
men of sence, reckon not worth their thoughts. A little after,
relapsing to my former humour: But what's the crime, began I, if by a
natural complaint I was eas'd of my grief? or how is it, that we blame
our stomachs or bellies, when 'tis our heads that are distemper'd?
Did not Ulysses beat his breast, as if that had disturb'd him? And
don't we see the actors punish their eyes, as if they heard the
tragick scene? Those that have the gout in their legs, swear at them;
Those that have it in their fingers, do so by them: Those that have
sore eyes, are angry with their eyes.

Why do the strickt-liv'd Cato's of the age,
At my familiar lines so gravely rage?
In measures loosly plain, blunt satyr flows,
And all the people so sincerely shows.
For whose a stranger to the joys of love?
Who, can't the thoughts of such lost pleasures move?
Such Epicurus own'd the chiefest bliss,
And such lives the gods themselves possess.

There's nothing more deceitful than a ridiculous opinion, nor more
ridiculous, than an affected gravity. After this, I call'd Gito to
me; and "tell me," said I, "but sincerely, whether Ascyltos, when he
took you from me, pursu'd the injury that night, or was chastly
content to lye alone?" The boy with his finger at his eyes, took a
solemn oath, that he had no incivility offer'd him by Ascyltos.

This drove me to my wits end, nor did I well know what to say: For
why, I consider'd, shou'd I think of the twice mischievous accident
that lately befell me? At last, I did what I cou'd to recover my
vigour: and willing to invoke the assistance of the gods, I went out
to pay my devotions to Priapus, and as wretched as I was, did not
despair, but kneeling at the entry of the chamber, thus beseecht the
god:

"Bacchus and Nymphs delight, O mighty God!
Whom Cynthia gave to rule the blooming wood.
Lesbos and verdant Thasos thee adore,
And Lydians, in loose flowing dress implore,
And raise devoted temples to thy power.
Thou Dryad's joy, and Bacchus's guardian, hear
My conscious prayer, with an attentive ear.
My hands with guiltless blood I never stain'd,
Or sacrilegiously the gods prophan'd.
To feeble me, restoring blessings send,
I did not thee, with my whole self offend.
Who sins thro' weakness is less guilty thought,
Be pacify'd, and spare a venial fault.
On me, when smiling fate shall smiling gifts bestow,
I'll not ungrateful to thy godhead go.
A destin'd goat shall on thy altar lye,
And the horn'd parent of my flock shall dye.
A sucking pig appease thy injur'd shrine,
And hallow'd bowls o're-flow with generous wine.
Then thrice thy frantick votaries shall round
Thy temple dance, with youth and garlands crown'd,
In holy drunkenness thy orgies sound."

While I was thus at prayers, an old woman, with her hair about her
eyes, and disfigur'd with a mournful habit, coming in, disturb'd my
devotions; when taking hold of me, she drew all fear out of the entry;
and "what hag," said she, "has devour'd your manhood? Or what ominous
carcase have you stumbl'd over in your nightly walks? You have not
acquitted your self above a boy; but faint, weak, and like a horse
o'recharg'd in a steep, tyr'd have lost your toyl and sweat; nor
content to sin alone, but have unreveng'd against me, provokt the
offended gods?"

When leading me, obedient to all her commands, a second time to the
cell of a neighbouring priestess of Priapus, she threw me upon the
bed, and taking up a stick that fastened the door, reveng'd her self
on me, that very patiently receiv'd her fury: and at the first stroak,
if the breaking of the stick had not lessned its force, she might have
broke my head and arm.

I groan'd, and hiding with my arm my head, in a flood of tears lean'd
on the pillow: Nor did she then, less troubled, sit on the bed, and
began in a shrill voice, to blame her age, till the priestess came in
upon us; and "what," said she, "do you do in my chappel, as if some
funeral had lately been, rather than a holy-day, in which, even the
mournful are merry?"

"Alas, my Enothea!" said she, "this youth was born under an ill star;
for neither boy nor maid can raise him to a perfect appetite; you
ne're beheld a more unhappy man: In his garden the weak willow, not
the lusty cedar grows; in short, you may guess what he is, that cou'd
rise unblest from Circe's bed."

Upon this, Enothea fixt her self between us, and moving her head a
while; "I," said she, "am the only one that can give remedy for that
disease; and not to delay it, let him sleep with me to night; and next
morning, examine how vigorous I shall have made him.

"'All Nature's works my magick powers obey,
The blooming earth shall wither and decay,
And when I please, agen be fresh and gay.
From rugged rocks, I make sweet waters flow,
And raging billows to me humbly bow.
With rivers, winds, when I command, obey,
And at my feet, their fans contracted lay,
Tygers and dragons too, my will obey.
But these are small, when of my magick verse,
Descending Cynthia does the power confess.
When my commands, make trembling Phœbus reign,
His fiery steeds, their journey back again.
Such power have charms, by whose prevailing aid
The fury of the raging bulls was laid.
The Heaven-born Circe, with her magic song,
Ulysses's men, did into monsters turn.
Proteus, with this assum'd, what shape he wou'd.
I, who this art so long have understood,
Can send proud Ida's top into the main,
And make the billows bear it up again.'"

I shook with fear at such a romantick promise, and began more
intensively to view the old woman: Upon which, she cry'd out, "O
Enothea, be as good as your word"; when, carefully wiping her hands,
she lay down on the bed, and half smother'd me with kisses.

Enothea, in the middle of the altar, plac'd a turf-table, which she
heapt with burning coals, and her old crack cup (for sacrifice)
repair'd with temper'd pitch; when she had fixt it to the
smoaking-wall from which she took it; putting on her habit, she plac'd
a kettle by the fire, and took down a bag that hung near her, in
which, a bean was kept for that use, and a very aged piece of a hog's
forehead, with the print of a hundred cuts out; when opening the bag,
she threw me a part of the bean, and bid me carefully strip it. I
obey her command, and try, without daubing my fingers, to deliver the
grain from its nasty coverings; but she, blaming my dullness, snatcht
it from me, and skilfully tearing its shells with her teeth, spit the
black morsels from her, that lay like dead flies on the ground. How
ingenious is poverty, and what strange arts will hunger teach? The
priestess seem'd so great a lover of this sort of life, that her
humour appear'd in every thing about her, and her hut might be truly
term'd, sacred to poverty.

Here shines no glittering ivory set with gold,
No marble covers the deluded mold,
By its own wealth deluded; but the shrine
With simple natural ornaments does shine.
Round Cere's bower, but homely willows grow,
Earthen are all the sacred bowls they know.
Osier the dish, sacred to use divine:
Both course and stain'd, the jug that holds the wine.
Mud mixt with straw, make a defending fort,
The temple's brazen studs, are knobs of dirt.
With rush and reed, is thatcht the hut it self,
Where, besides what is on a smoaky shelf,
Ripe service-berries into garlands bound,
And savory-bunches with dry'd grapes are found.
Such a low cottage Hecale confin'd,
Low was her cottage, but sublime her mind.
Her bounteous heart, a grateful praise shall crown,
And muses make immortal her renown.

After which, she tasted of the flesh, and hanging the rest, old as her
self, on the hook again; the rotten stool on which she was mounted
breaking, threw her into the fire, her fall spilt the kettle, and what
it held put out the fire; she burnt her elbow, and all her face was
hid with the ashes that her fall had rais'd.

Thus disturb'd, I arose, and laughing, took her up; immediately, lest
any thing shou'd hinder the offering, she ran for new fire to the
neighbourhood, and had hardly got to the door, e're I was set upon by
three sacred geese, that daily, I believe, about that time were fed by
the old woman; they made an hideous noise, and, surrounding me, one
tears my coat, another my shoes, while their furious captain made
nothing of doing so by my legs; till seeing my self in danger, I began
to be in earnest, and snatching up one of the feet of our little
table, made the valiant animal feel my arm'd hand; nor content with a
slight blow or two, but reveng'd my self with its death.

Such were the birds Alcides did subdue,
That from his conquering arm t'ward Heaven flew:
Such sure the harpyes were which poyson strow'd,
On cheated Phineus's false deluding food.
Loud lamentations shake the trembling air,
The powers above the wild confusion share,
Horrours disturb the orders of the sky,
And frighted stars beyond their courses fly.

By this time the other two had eat up the pieces of the bean that lay
scatter'd on the floor, and having lost their leader, return'd to the
temple. When glad of the booty and my revenge, I heal'd the slight
old woman's anger, I design'd to make off; and taking up my cloaths,
began my march; nor had I reacht the door, e're I saw Enothea bringing
in her hand an earthen pot fill'd with fire; upon which I retreated,
and throwing down my cloaths, fixt my self in the entry, as if I were
impatiently expecting her coming.

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