A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P R S T U V W X Z

A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Vol. II

R >> Robert Dodsley >> A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Vol. II




JACK JUGGLER.
Soft thy knocking, saucy knave, what makest thou there?

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
What knave is that? he speaketh not to me, I trow,
And we meet, the one of us is like to have a blow!
For now that I am well chafed, and somewhat hot,
Twenty such could I hew as small as flesh to pot;
And surely, if I had a knife,
This knave should escape hardly with his life:
To teach him to ask of me any more,
What I make at my own master's door.

JACK JUGGLER.
But if thou come from that gate, thou knave,
I well fet thee by the sweet locks,[180] so God me save!

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
Woll the whoreson fight indeed, by mine honesty?
I know no quarrel he hath to me;
But I would I were within the house,
And then I would not set by him a louse;
For I fear and mistrust such quarreling thieves:
See, how he beginneth to strike up his sleeves!

JACK JUGGLER.
His arse maketh buttons now, and who lusteth to feel,
Shall find his heart creeping out at his heel,
Or else lying hidden in some corner of his hose,
If it be not already dropped out of his nose.
For, as I doubt not but you have heard beforne,
A more dastard coward knave was never born.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
The devil set the house a-fire! I trow it is accurst;
When a man hath most haste, he speedeth worst;
If I be robbed or slain, or any harm get,
The fault is in them, that doth not me in let.
And I durst jeopard an hundred pound,
That some bawdry might now within be found;
But except some of them come the sooner,
I shall knock such a peal, that all England shall wonder.

JACK JUGGLER.
Knock at the gate hardily again, if thou dare;
And seeing thou wolt not by fair words beware,
Now, fists, me-thinketh, yesterday seven past,
That four men asleep at my feet you cast,
And this same day you did no manner good,
Nor were not washen in warm blood.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
What whoreson is this that washeth in warm blood?
Some devil broken loose out of hell for wood!
Four hath he slain, and now well I see,
That it must be my chance the fifth to be!
But rather than thus shamefully to be slain,
Would Christ my friends had hanged me, being but years twain!
And yet, if I take good heart and be bold,
Percase he woll be more sober and cold.

JACK JUGGLER.
Now, hands, bestir you about his lips and face,
And strike out all his teeth without any grace!
Gentleman, are you disposed to eat any fist-meat?

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
I have supped, I thank you, sir, and list not to eat:
Give it to them that are hungry, if you be wise.

JACK JUGGLER.
It[181] shall do a man of your diet no harm to sup twice:
This shall be your cheese to make your meat digest,
For I tell you these hands weigheth of the best.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
I shall never escape: see, how he waggeth his hands!

JACK JUGGLER.
With a stroke they will lay a knave in our Lady-bonds,[182]
And this day yet they have done no good at all.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
Ere thou essay them on me, I pray thee lame them on the wall--
But speak you all this in earnest or in game?--
If you be angry with me, truly you are to blame;
For have you any just quarrel to me?

JACK JUGGLER.
Ere thou and I part, that woll I show thee--

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
Or have I done you any manner displeasure?--

JACK JUGGLER.
Ere thou and I part, thou shalt know, thou mayest be sure--

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
By my faith, if you be angry without a cause,
You shall have amends made with a couple of straws;
By thee I set whatsoever thou art;
But for thy displeasure I care not a fart.
May a man demand whose servant you be?

JACK JUGGLER.
My master's servant I am, for verity!

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
What business have you at this place now?

JACK JUGGLER.
Nay, marry, tell me what business hast thou?
For I am commanded for to watch and give diligence
That, in my good Master Bongrace's absence,
No misfortune may happen to his house, certain.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
Well now I am come, you may go hence again,
And thank them that so much for my master hath done:
Showing them that the servants of the house be come home,
For I am of the house, and now in woll I go.

JACK JUGGLER.
I cannot tell whether thou be of the house or no;
But go no near,[183] lest I handle thee like a stranger;
Thank no man but thyself, if thou be in any danger.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
Marry, I defy thee, and plainly unto thee tell,
That I am a servant of this house, and here I dwell.

JACK JUGGLER.
Now, so God me snatch, but thou go thy ways,
While thou mayest, for this forty days
I shall make thee not able to go nor ride
But in a dung-cart or wheelbarrow lying on one side.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
I am a servant of this house, by these ten bones--[184]

JACK JUGGLER.
No more prating, but get thee hence at once!

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
Why, my master hath sent me home in[185] his message--

JACK JUGGLER.
Pick and walk, a knave, here away is no passage--

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
What, wilt thou let me from mine own master's house?

JACK JUGGLER.
Be tredging, or in faith you bear me a souse.[186]
Here my master and I have our habitation,
And hath continually dwelled in this mansion,
At the least this dozen years and odd;
And here woll we end our lives, by the grace of God.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
Why, then, where shall my master and I dwell?

JACK JUGGLER.
At the devil, if you lust: I cannot tell.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
_In nomine patris_, now this gear doth pass:
For a little before supper here our house was;
And this day in the morning I woll on a book swear,
That my master and I both dwelled here.

JACK JUGGLER.
Who is thy master? tell me without lie,
And thine own name also let me know shortly;
For, my masters all, let me have the blame,
If this knave know his master or his own name.

CAREAWAY.
My master's name is Master Bongrace:
I have dwelled with him a long space;
And I am Jenkin Careaway his page--

JACK JUGGLER.
What, ye drunken knave, begin you to rage!
Take that: art thou Master Bongrace's page?
[_Strikes him_.

CAREAWAY.
It I be not, I have made a very good voyage--

JACK JUGGLER.
Barest thou to my face say thou art I?

CAREAWAY.
I would it were true and no lie;
For then thou shouldest smart, and I should bet,[187]
Where as now I do all the blows get.

JACK JUGGLER.
And is Master Bongrace thy master, doest you then say?

CAREAWAY.
I woll swear on a book, he was once this day--

JACK JUGGLER.
And for that thou shalt somewhat have,
Because thou presumest, like a saucy lying knave,
To say my master is thine. Who is thy master now?
[_Strikes him again_.

CAREAWAY.
By my troth, sir, whosoever please you:
I am your own, for you beat me so,
As no man but my master should do.

JACK JUGGLER.
I woll handle thee better, if fault be not in fist--
[_Prepares to strike him_.

CAREAWAY.
Help! save my life, masters, for the passion of Christ!

JACK JUGGLER.
Why, thou lousy thief, dost thou cry and roar?--

CAREAWAY.
No, faith, I woll not cry one whit more:
Save my life, help, or I am slain--

JACK JUGGLER.
Yea, dost thou make a rumouring yet again?
Did not I bid thee hold thy peace?--

CAREAWAY.
In faith, now I leave crying; now I cease: help, help!

JACK JUGGLER.
Who is thy master?

CAREAWAY.
Master Bongrace--

JACK JUGGLER.
I woll make thee change that song, ere we pass this place;
For he is my master, and again to thee I say,
That I am his Jenkin Careaway.
Who art thou? now tell me plain.

CAREAWAY.
Nobody but whom please you, certain--

JACK JUGGLER.
Thou saidest even now thy name was Careaway?

CAREAWAY.
I cry you mercy, sir, and forgiveness pray:
I said amiss, because it was so to-day;
And thought it should have continued alway,
Like a fool as I am and a drunken knave.
But in faith, sir, ye see all the wit I have,
Therefore I beseech you do me no more blame,
But give me a new master and another name.
For it would grieve my heart, so help me God,
To run about the streets like a masterless nod.[188]

JACK JUGGLER.
I am he that thou saidest thou were,
And Master Bongrace is my master, that dwelleth here;
Thou art no point, Careaway; thy wits do thee fail.

CAREAWAY.
Yea, marry, sir, you have beaten them down into my tail;
But, sir, might I be bold to say one thing
Without any blows and without any beating?

JACK JUGGLER.
Truce for a while; say on what thee lust:

CAREAWAY.
May a man to your honesty by your word trust?
I pray you swear by the mass you woll do me no ill--

JACK JUGGLER.
By my faith, I promise pardon thee I will--

CAREAWAY.
What, and you keep no promise?

JACK JUGGLER.
Then upon Careaway[189]
I pray God light as much or more as hath on thee to-day.

CAREAWAY.
Now dare I speak, so mote I the,
Master Bongrace is my master, and the name of me
Is Jenkin Careaway!

JACK JUGGLER.
What, sayest thou so?

CAREAWAY.
And if thou wilt strike me, and break thy promise, do,
And beat on me, till I stink, and till I die;
And yet woll I still say that I am I!

JACK JUGGLER.
This Bedlam knave without doubt is mad--

CAREAWAY.
No, by God, for all that I am a wise lad,
And can call to remembrance every thing
That I did this day sith my uprising;
For went not I with my master to-day
Early in the morning to the tennis-play?
At noon, while my master at his dinner sat,
Played not I at dice at the gentleman's gate?
Did not I wait on my master to supper-ward?
And I think I was not changed the way homeward!
Or else, if thou think I lie,
Ask in the street of them that I came by;
And sith that I came hither into your presence,
What man living could carry me hence?
I remember I was sent to fetch my mistress,
And what I devised to save me harmless;
Do not I speak now? [is] not this my hand?
Be not these my feet that on this ground stand?
Did not this other knave here knock me about the head?
And beat me, till I was almost dead?
How may it then be, that he should be I?
Or I not myself?--it is a shameful lie.
I woll home to our house, whosoever say nay,
For surely my name is Jenkin Careaway.

JACK JUGGLER.
I woll make thee say otherwise, ere we depart, if we can--

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
Nay that woll I not in faith for no man,
Except thou tell me what thou hast done[190]
Ever sith five of the clock this afternoon:
Rehearse me all that without any lie,
And then I woll confess that thou art I.

JACK JUGGLER.
When my master came to the gentleman's place,
He commanded me to run home a great pace,
To fet thither my mistress; and by the way
I did a good while at the bucklers play;
Then came I by a wife, that did costards sell,
And cast down her basket fair and well,
And gathered as many as I could get,
And put them in my sleeve: here they be yet!

CAREAWAY.
How the devil should they come there,
For I did them all in my own sleeve bear?
He lieth not a word in all this,
Nor doth in any one point miss.
For ought I see yet between earnest and game
I must go seek me another name;
But thou mightest see all this:--tell the rest that is behind,
And there I know I shall thee a liar find.

JACK JUGGLER.
I ran thence homeward a contrary way,
And whether I stopped there or nay,
I could tell, if me lusteth, a good token;
But it may not very well be spoken.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
Now, may I pray thee, let no man that hear,
But tell it me privily in mine ear.

JACK JUGGLER.
Ay, thou lost all thy money at dice, Christ give it his curse,
Well and truly picked before out of another man's purse!

JENKIN CAREAWAY.
God's body, whoreson thief, who told thee that same?
Some cunning devil is within thee, pain of shame!
_In nomine patris_, God and our blessed lady,
Now and evermore save me from thy company!

JACK JUGGLER.
How now, art thou Careaway or not?

CAREAWAY.
By the Lord, I doubt, but sayest thou nay to that?

JACK JUGGLER.
Yea, marry, I tell thee, Care-away is my name.

CAREAWAY.
And, by these ten bones, mine is the same!
Or else tell me, if I be not he,
What my name from henceforth shall be?

JACK JUGGLER.
By my faith, the same that it was before,
When I lust to be Careaway no more:
Look well upon me, and thou shalt see as now,
That I am Jenkin Careaway, and not thou:
Look well upon me, and by every thing
Thou shalt well know that I am not lesing.

CAREAWAY.
I see it is so without any doubt;
But how the devil came it about?
Whoso in England looketh on him steadily,
Shall perceive plainly that he is I:
I have seen myself a thousand times in a glass;
But so like myself, as he is, never was;
He hath in every point my clothing and my gear;
My head, my cap, my shirt, and knotted hair,
And of the same colour: my eyes, nose, and lips:
My cheeks, chin, neck, feet, legs, and hips:
Of the same stature, and height, and age:
And is in every point Master Bongrace page,
That if he have a hole in his tail,
He is even I mine own self without any fail!
And yet when I remember, I wot not how,
The same man that I have ever been me thinketh I am now:
I know my master and his house, and my five wits I have:
Why then should I give credence to this foolish knave,
That nothing intendeth but me delude and mock?
For whom should I fear at my master's gate to knock?

JACK JUGGLER.
Thinkest thou I have said all this in game?
Go, or I shall send thee hence in the devil's name!
Avoid, thou lousy lurden and precious stinking slave,
That neither thy name knowest nor canst any master have!
Wine-shaken pillory-peeper,[191] of lice not without a peck,
Hence, or by Gods precious,[192] I shall break thy neck!

CAREAWAY.
Then, master, I beseech you heartily take the pain,
If I be found in any place, to bring me to me again.
Now is not this a wonderful case,
That no man shall lese himself so in any place?
Have any of you heard of such a thing heretofore?
No, nor never shall, I daresay, from henceforth any more.

JACK JUGGLER [_Aside_.]
While he museth and judgeth himself upon,
I will steal away for a while, and let him alone.
[_Exit Jack Juggler_.

CAREAWAY.
Good Lord of heaven, where did I myself leave?
Or who did me of my name by the way bereave?
For I am sure of this in my mind,
That I did in no place leave myself behind.
If I had my name played away at dice,
Or had sold myself to any man at a price,
Or had made a fray, and had lost it in fighting,
Or it had been stolen from me sleeping,
It had been a matter, and I would have kept patience;
But it spiteth my heart to have lost it by such open negligence.
Ah, thou whoreson, drowsy, drunken sot!
It were an alms-deed to walk[193] thy coat,
And I shrew him that would for thee be sorry,
To see thee well curried by and by;
And, by Christ, if any man would it do,
I myself would help thereto.
For a man may see, thou whoreson goose,
Thou wouldest lese thine arse, if it were loose!
Albeit I would never the deed believe,
But that the thing itself doth show and preve.[194]
There was never ape so like unto an ape,
As he is to me in feature and shape;
But what woll my master say, trow ye,
When he shall this gear hear and see?
Will he know me, think you, when he shall see me?
If he do not, another woll as good as he.
But where is that other I? whither is he gone?
To my master, by Cock's precious passion:
Either to put me out of my place,
Or to accuse me to my master Bongrace!
But I woll after, as fast as I can flee:
I trust to be there as soon as he.
That if my master be not ready home to come,
I woll be here again as fast as I can run.
In any wise to speak with my mistress,
Or else I shall never escape hanging doubtless.

DAME COY.
I shall not sup this night, full well I see;
For as yet nobody cometh for to fet me.
But good enough, let me alone:
I woll be even with them every-chone.
I say nothing, but I think somewhat, i-wis:
Some there be that shall hear of this!
Of all unkind and churlish husbands this is the cast,
To let their wives sit at home and fast;
While they be forth, and make good cheer:
Pastime and sport, as now he doth there.
But if I were a wise woman, as I am a mome,
I should make myself, as good cheer at home.
But if he have thus unkindly served me,
I woll not forget it this months three;
And if I wist the fault were in him, I pray God I be dead,
But he should have such a curry,[195] ere he went to bed,
As he never had before in all his life,
Nor any man else have had of his wife!
I would rate him and shake him after such a sort,
As should be to him a corrosive full little to his comfort!

ALLISON TRIP-AND-GO.
If I may be so bold, by your mistress-ship's license,
As to speak and show my mind and sentence,
I think of this you may the boy thank;
For I know that he playeth you many a like prank,
And that would you say, if you knew as much as we,
That his daily conversation and behaviour see;
For if you command him to go speak with some one,
It is an hour, ere he woll be gone;
Then woll he run forth, and play in the street,
And come again, and say that he cannot with him meet.

DAME COY.
Nay, nay, it is his master's play:
He serveth me so almost every third day;
But I woll be even with him, as God give me joy,
And yet the fault may be in the boy--
As ungracious a graft, so mot I thrive,
As any goeth on God's ground alive!

CAREAWAY.
My wit is breeched in such a brake,
That I cannot devise what way is best to take.
I was almost as far as my master is;
But then I began to remember this,
And to cast the worst, as one in fear:
If he chance to see me and keep me there,
Till he come himself, and speak with my mistress,
Then am I like to be in shrewd distress:
Yet were I better, thought I, to turn home again.
And first speak with her, certain--
Cock's body, yonder she standeth at the door!
Now is it worse than it was before.
Would Christ I could get again out of her sight:
For I see by her look she is disposed to fight.
By the Lord, she hath there an angry shrew's look--

DAME COY.
Lo, yonder cometh that unhappy hook!

CAREAWAY.
God save me, mistress, do you know me well?

DAME COY.
Come near[196] hither unto me, and I shall thee tell
Why, thou naughty villain, is that thy guise,
To jest with thy mistress in such wise?
Take that to begin with, and God before!
When thy master cometh home, thou shalt have more:
For he told me, when he forth went,
That thou shouldest come back again incontinent
To bring me to supper where he now is,
And thou hast played by the way, and they have done by this.
But no force I shall, thou mayest trust me,
Teach all naughty knaves to beware by thee.

CAREAWAY.
Forsooth, mistress, if ye knew as much as I,
Ye would not be with me half so angry;
For the fault is neither in my master, nor in me, nor you,
But in another knave that was here even now,
And his name was Jenkin Careaway--

DAME COY.
What, I see my man is disposed to play!
I ween he be drunken or mad, I make God a vow!

CAREAWAY.
Nay, I have been made sober and tame, I, now:--
I was never so handled before in all my life:
I would every man in England had so beaten[197] his wife!
I have forgotten with tousing by the hair,
What I devised to say a little ere.

DAME COY.
Have I lost my supper this night through thy negligence?

CAREAWAY.
Nay then were I a knave, mistress, saving your reverence.

DAME COY.
Why, I am sure that by this time it is done--

CAREAWAY.
Yea, that it is more than an hour agone--

DAME COY.
And was not thou sent to fetch me thither?

CAREAWAY.
Yea, and had come right quickly hither,
But that by the way I had a great fall,
And my name, body, shape, legs, and all:
And met with one, that from me did it steal;
But, by God, he and I some blows did deal!
I would he were now before your gate,
For you would pummel him jollily about the pate.

DAME COY.
Truly this wage-pasty[198] is either drunken or mad.

CAREAWAY.
Never man suffered so much wrong as I had;
But, mistress, I should say a thing to you:
Tarry, it woll come to my remembrance even now
I must needs use a substantial premeditation;
For the matter lieth greatly me upon.
I beseech your mistress-ship of pardon and forgiveness,
Desiring you to impute it to my simple and rude dulness:
I have forgotten what I had[199] thought to have said
And am thereof full ill-afraid;
But when I lost myself, I knew very well,
I lost also that I should you tell.

DAME COY.
Why, thou wretched villain, doest thou me scorn and mock,
To make me to these folk a laughing-stock?
Ere thou go out of my hands, thou shalt have something;
And I woll reckon better in the morning.

CAREAWAY.
And if you beat me, mistress, avise you;
For I am none of your servants now.
That other I is now your page,
And I am no longer in your bondage.

DAME COY.
Now walk, precious thief, get thee out of my sight!
And I charge thee come in my presence no more this night:
Get thee hence, and wait on thy master at once.

CAREAWAY.
Marry, sir, this is handling for the nonce:
I would I had been hanged, before that I was lost;
I was never this[200] canvassed and tossed:
That if my master, on his part also,
Handle me, as my mistress and the other I[201] do,
I shall surely be killed between them three,
And all the devils in hell shall not save me.
But yet, if the other I might have with me part,
All this would never grieve my heart.

[_Enter Jack Juggler_.

JACK JUGGLER.
How say you, masters, I pray you tell,
Have not I requited my merchant well?
Have not I handled him after a good sort?
Had it not been pity to have lost this sport?
Anon his master, on his behalf,
You shall see how he woll handle the calf!
If he throughly angered be,
He woll make him smart, so mot I the.
I would not for a price of a new pair of shone,
That any part of this had been undone;
But now I have revenged my quarrel,
I woll go do off this mine apparel,
And now let Careaway be Careaway again;
I have done with that name now, certain,
Except peraventure I shall take the self-same weed
Some other time again for a like cause and need.

[_Enter Bongrace and Careaway_.

BONGRACE.
Why, then, darest thou to presume to tell me,
That I know is no wise possible for to be?

CAREAWAY.
Now, by my truth, master, I have told you no lie;
And all these folks knoweth as well as I,
I had no sooner knocked at the gate,
But straightway he had me by the pate;
Therefore, if you beat me, till I fart and shit again,
You shall not cause me for any pain;
But I woll affirm, as I said before,
That when I came near, another stood at the door.

BONGRACE.
Why, thou naughty villain, darest thou affirm to me
That which was never seen nor hereafter shall be?
That one man may have two bodies and two faces,
And that one man at one time may be in two places?
Tell me, drankest thou anywhere by the way?

CAREAWAY.
I shrew me, if I drank any more than twice to-day,
Till I met even now with that other I,
And with him I supped and drank truly;
But as for you, if you gave me drink and meat,
As oftentimes as you do me beat,
I were the best-fed page in all this city.
But, as touching that, you have on me no pity,
And not only I, but all that do you serve,
For meat and drink may rather starve.

BONGRACE.
What, you saucy malapert knave,
Begin you with your master to prate and rave?
Your tongue is liberal and all out of frame:
I must needs conjure it, and make it tame.
Where is that other Careaway that thou said was here?

CAREAWAY.
Now, by my Christendom, sir, I wot ne'er?

BONGRACE.
Why, canst thou find no man to mock but me?

CAREAWAY.
I mock you not, master, so mot I the,
Every word was true that I you told.

BONGRACE.
Nay I know toys and pranks of old,
And now thou art not satisfied nor content,
Without regard of my biddings and commandment,
To have played by the way as a lewd knave and negligent,
When I thee on my message home sent,
But also wouldest willingly me delude and mock,
And make me to all wise men a laughing-stock:
Showing me such things as in no wise be may,
To the intent thy lewdness may turn to jest and play;
Therefore if thou speak any such thing to me again,
I promise it shall be unto thy pain.

CAREAWAY.
Lo, is not he in miserable case,
That serveth such a master in any place?
That with force woll compel him that thing to deny,
That he knoweth true, and hath seen with his eye?

BONGRACE.
Was it not, trowest thou, thine own shadow?

CAREAWAY.
My shadow could never have beaten me so!

BONGRACE.
Why, by what reason possible may such a thing be?

CAREAWAY.
Nay, I marvel and wonder at it more than ye;
And at the first it did me curstly meve[202]
Nor I would mine own eyes in no wise believe,
Until that other I beat me so,
That he made me believe it, whether I would or no.
And if he had yourself now within his reach,
He would make you say so too, or else beshit your breech.

MASTER BONGRACE.
I durst a good meed and a wager lay,
That thou layest down and slepst by the way,
And dreamed all this, that thou hast me told.

CAREAWAY.
Nay, there you lie, master, if I might be so bold;
But we rise so early that, if I had,
I had done well, and a wise lad.
Yet, master, I would you understood,
That I have always been trusty and good,
And fly as fast as a bear in a cage,
Whensoever you send me in your message;
In faith, as for this that I have told you,
I saw and felt it as waking as I am now:
For I had no sooner knocked at the gate,
But the other I knave had me by the pate;
And I durst to you on a book swear,
That he had been watching for me there,
Long ere I came, hidden in some privy place,
Even for the nonce to have me by the face.

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