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Popular Tales from the Norse

S >> Sir George Webbe Dasent >> Popular Tales from the Norse




'Ho! ho!' said the Squire; 'I see very well who has been here; but as
for you, a pretty set of blockheads you must be to sit here and let
the Master Thief steal the horses from between your legs.'

So they all got a good leathering because they had not kept a sharper
look-out.

Further on in the day came the Master Thief again, and told how he
had managed the matter, and asked for the Squire's daughter, as he
had promised; but the Squire gave him one hundred dollars down, and
said he must do something better still.

'Do you think now', said he, 'you can steal the horse from under me
while I am out riding on his back?' 'O, yes! I daresay I could', said
the Master Thief, 'if I were really sure of getting your daughter.'

Well, well, the Squire would see what he could do; and he told the
Master Thief a day when he would be taking a ride on a great common
where they drilled the troops. So the Master Thief soon got hold of
an old worn-out jade of a mare, and set to work, and made traces and
collar of withies and broom-twigs, and bought an old beggarly cart
and a great cask. After that he told an old beggar woman, he would
give her ten dollars if she would get inside the cask, and keep her
mouth agape over the taphole, into which he was going to stick his
finger. No harm should happen to her; she should only be driven about
a little; and if he took his finger out more than once, she was to
have ten dollars more. Then he threw a few rags and tatters over
himself, and stuffed himself out, and put on a wig and a great beard
of goat's hair, so that no one could know him again, and set off for
the common, where the Squire had already been riding about a good
bit. When he reached the place, he went along so softly and slowly
that he scarce made an inch of way. 'Gee up! Gee up!' and so he went
on a little; then he stood stock still, and so on a little again; and
altogether the pace was so poor it never once came into the Squire's
head that this could be the Master Thief.

At last the Squire rode right up to him, and asked if he had seen any
one lurking about in the wood thereabouts. 'No', said the man, 'I
haven't seen a soul.'

'Harkye, now', said the Squire, 'if you have a mind to ride into the
wood, and hunt about and see if you can fall upon any one lurking
about there, you shall have the loan of my horse, and a shilling into
the bargain, to drink my health, for your pains.'

'I don't see how I can go', said the man, 'for I am going to a
wedding with this cask of mead, which I have been to town to fetch,
and here the tap has fallen out by the way, and so I must go along,
holding my finger in the taphole.'

'Ride off', said the Squire; 'I'll look after your horse and cask.'

Well, on these terms the man was willing to go; but he begged the
Squire to be quick in putting his finger into the taphole when he
took his own out, and to mind and keep it there till he came back. At
last the Squire grew weary of standing there with his finger in the
taphole, so he took it out.

'Now I shall have ten dollars more!' screamed the old woman inside
the cask; and then the Squire saw at once how the land lay, and took
himself off home; but he had not gone far before they met him with a
fresh horse, for the Master Thief had already been to his house, and
told them to send one. The day after, he came to the Squire and would
have his daughter, as he had given his word; but the Squire put him
off again with fine words, and gave him two hundred dollars, and said
he must do one more masterpiece. If he could do that, he should have
her. Well, well, the Master Thief thought he could do it, if he only
knew what it was to be.

'Do you think, now', said the Squire, 'you can steal the sheet off
our bed, and the shift off my wife's back. Do you think you could do
that?'

'It shall be done', said the Master Thief. 'I only wish I was as sure
of getting your daughter.'

So when night began to fall, the Master Thief went out and cut down a
thief who hung on the gallows, and threw him across his shoulders,
and carried him off. Then he got a long ladder and set it up against
the Squire's bedroom window, and so climbed up, and kept bobbing the
dead man up and down, just for all the world like one that was
peeping in at the window.

'That's the Master Thief, old lass!' said the Squire, and gave his
wife a nudge on the side. 'Now see if I don't shoot him, that's all.'

So saying he took up a rifle which he had laid at his bedside.

'No! no! pray don't shoot him after telling him he might come and
try', said his wife.

'Don't talk to me, for shoot him I will', said he; and so he lay
there and aimed and aimed; but as soon as the head came up before the
window, and he saw a little of it, so soon was it down again. At last
he thought he had a good aim; 'bang' went the gun, down fell the dead
body to the ground with a heavy thump, and down went the Master Thief
too as fast as he could.

'Well', said the Squire, 'it is quite true that I am the chief
magistrate in these parts; but people are fond of talking, and it
would be a bore if they came to see this dead man's body. I think the
best thing to be done is that I should go down and bury him.'

'You must do as you think best, dear', said his wife. So the Squire
got out of bed and went downstairs, and he had scarce put his foot
out of the door before the Master Thief stole in, and went straight
upstairs to his wife.

'Why, dear, back already!' said she, for she thought it was her
husband.

'O yes, I only just put him into a hole, and threw a little earth
over him. It is enough that he is out of sight, for it is such a bad
night out of doors; by-and-by I'll do it better. But just let me have
the sheet to wipe myself with--he was so bloody--and I have made
myself in such a mess with him.'

So he got the sheet.

After a while he said:

'Do you know I am afraid you must let me have your nightshift too,
for the sheet won't do by itself; that I can see.'

So she gave him the shift also. But just then it came across his mind
that he had forgotten to lock the house-door, so he must step down
and look to that before he came back to bed, and away he went with
both shift and sheet.

A little while after came the true Squire.

'Why! what a time you've taken to lock the door, dear!' said his
wife; 'and what have you done with the sheet and shift?'

'What do you say?' said the Squire.

'Why, I am asking what you have done with the sheet and shift that
you had to wipe off the blood', said she.

'What, in the Deil's name!' said the Squire, 'has he taken me in this
time too?'

Next day came the Master Thief and asked for the Squire's daughter,
as he had given his word; and then the Squire dared not do anything
else than give her to him, and a good lump of money into the bargain;
for, to tell the truth, he was afraid lest the Master Thief should
steal the eyes out of his head, and that the people would begin to
say spiteful things of him if he broke his word. So the Master Thief
lived well and happily from that time forward. I don't know whether
he stole any more; but if he did, I am quite sure it was only for the
sake of a bit of fun.




THE BEST WISH

Once on a time there were three brothers; I don't quite know how it
happened, but each of them had got the right to wish one thing,
whatever he chose. So the two elder were not long a-thinking; they
wished that every time they put their hands in their pockets they
might pull out a piece of money; for, said they:

'The man who has as much money as he wishes for is always sure to get
on in the world.'

But the youngest wished something better still. He wished that every
woman he saw might fall in love with him as soon as she saw him; and
you shall soon hear how far better this was than gold and goods.

So, when they had all wished their wishes, the two elder were for
setting out to see the world; and Boots, their youngest brother,
asked if he mightn't go along with them; but they wouldn't hear of
such a thing.

'Wherever we go', they said, 'we shall be treated as counts and
kings; but you, you starveling wretch, who haven't a penny, and never
will have one, who do you think will care a bit about you?'

'Well, but in spite of that, I'd like to go with you', said Boots;
'perhaps a dainty bit may fall to my share too off the plates of such
high and mighty lords.'

At last, after begging and praying, he got leave to go with them, if
he would be their servant, else they wouldn't hear of it.

So, when they had gone a day or so, they came to an inn, where the
two who had the money alighted, and called for fish and flesh, and
fowl, and brandy and mead, and everything that was good; but Boots,
poor fellow, had to look after their luggage and all that belonged to
the two great people. Now, as he went to and fro outside, and
loitered about in the inn-yard, the innkeeper's wife looked out of
window and saw the servant of the gentlemen upstairs; and, all at
once, she thought she had never set eyes on such a handsome chap. So
she stared and stared, and the longer she looked the handsomer he
seemed.

'Why what, by the Deil's skin and bones, is it that you are standing
there gaping at out of the window?' said her husband. 'I think
'twould be better if you just looked how the sucking pig is getting
on, instead of hanging out of window in that way. Don't you know what
grand folk we have in the house to-day?'

'Oh!' said his old dame, 'I don't care a farthing about such a pack
of rubbish; if they don't like it they may lump it, and be off; but
just do come and look at this lad out in the yard; so handsome a
fellow I never saw in all my born days; and, if you'll do as I wish,
we'll ask him to step in and treat him a little, for, poor lad, he
seems to have a hard fight of it.'

'Have you lost the little brains you had, Goody?' said the husband,
whose eyes glistened with rage; 'into the kitchen with you, and mind
the fire; but don't stand there glowering after strange men.'

So the wife had nothing left for it but to go into the kitchen, and
look after the cooking; as for the lad outside, she couldn't get
leave to ask him in, or to treat him either; but just as she was
about spitting the pig in the kitchen, she made an excuse for running
out into the yard, and then and there she gave Boots a pair of
scissors, of such a kind that they cut of themselves out of the air
the loveliest clothes any one ever saw, silk and satin, and all that
was fine.

'This you shall have because you are so handsome,' said the
innkeeper's wife.

So when the two elder brothers had crammed themselves with roast and
boiled, they wished to be off again, and Boots had to stand behind
their carriage, and be their servant; and so they travelled a good
way, till they came to another inn. There the two brothers again
alighted and went indoors, but Boots, who had no money, they wouldn't
have inside with them; no, he must wait outside and watch the
luggage. 'And mind', they said, 'if any one asks whose servant you
are, say we are two foreign Princes.'

But the same thing happened now as happened before; while Boots stood
hanging about out in the yard, the innkeeper's wife came to the
window and saw him, and she too fell in love with him, just like the
first innkeeper's wife; and there she stood and stared, for she
thought she could never have her fill of looking at him. Then her
husband came running through the room with something the two Princes
had ordered.

'Don't stand there staring like a cow at a barn-door, but take this
into the kitchen, and look after your fish-kettle, Goody', said the
man; 'don't you see what grand people we have in the house to-day?'

'I don't care a farthing for such a pack of rubbish', said the wife;
'if they don't like what they get they may lump it, and eat what they
brought with them. But just do come here, and see what you shall see!
Such a handsome fellow as walks here, out in the yard, I never saw in
all my born days. Shan't we ask him in and treat him a little; he
looks as if he needed it, poor chap?' and then she went on:

'Such a love! such a love!'

'You never had much wit, and the little you had is clean gone, I can
see', said the man, who was much more angry than the first innkeeper,
and chased his wife back, neck and crop, into the kitchen.

'Into the kitchen with you, and don't stand glowering after lads', he
said.

So she had to go in and mind her fish-kettle, and she dared not treat
Boots, for she was afraid of her old man; but as she stood there
making up the fire, she made an excuse for running out into the yard,
and then and there she gave Boots a table-cloth, which was such that
it covered itself with the best dishes you could think of, as soon as
it was spread out.

'This you shall have', she said, 'because you're so handsome.'

So when the two brothers had eaten and drank of all that was in the
house, and had paid the bill in hard cash, they set off again, and
Boots stood up behind their carriage. But when they had gone so far
that they grew hungry again, they turned into a third inn, and called
for the best and dearest they could think of.

'For', said they, 'we are two kings on our travels, and as for our
money, it grows like grass.'

Well, when the innkeeper heard that, there was such a roasting, and
baking, and boiling; why! you might smell the dinner at the next
neighbour's house, though it wasn't so very near; and the innkeeper
was at his wits' end to find all he wished to put before the two
kings. But Boots, he had to stand outside here too, and look after
the things in the carriage.

So it was the same story over again. The innkeeper's wife came to the
window and peeped out, and there she saw the servant standing by the
carriage. Such a handsome chap she had never set eyes on before; so
she looked and looked, and the more she stared the handsomer he
seemed to the innkeeper's wife. Then out came the innkeeper,
scampering through the room, with some dainty which the travelling
kings had ordered, and he wasn't very soft-tongued when he saw his
old dame standing and glowering out of the window.

'Don't you know better than to stand gaping and staring there, when
we have such great folk in the house', he said; 'back into the
kitchen with you this minute, to your custards.'

'Well! well!' she said, 'as for them, I don't care a pin. If they
can't wait till the custards are baked, they may go without--that's
all. But do, pray, come here, and you'll see such a lovely lad
standing out here in the yard. Why I never saw such a pretty fellow
in my life. Shan't we ask him in now, and treat him a little, for he
looks as if it would do him good. Oh! what a darling! What a
darling!'

'A wanton gadabout you've been all your days, and so you are still',
said her husband, who was in such a rage he scarce knew which leg to
stand on; 'but if you don't be off to your custards this minute, I'll
soon find out how to make you stir your stumps; see if I don't.'

So the wife had off to her custards as fast as she could, for she
knew that her husband would stand no nonsense; but as she stood there
over the fire she stole out into the yard, and gave Boots a tap.

'If you only turn this tap', she said; 'you'll get the finest drink
of whatever kind you choose, both mead, and wine, and brandy; and
this you shall have because you are so handsome.'

So when the two brothers had eaten and drunk all they could, they
started from the inn, and Boots stood up behind again as their
servant, and thus they drove far and wide, till they came to a king's
palace. There the two elder gave themselves out for two emperor's
sons, and as they had plenty of money, and were so fine that their
clothes shone again ever so far off, they were well treated. They had
rooms in the palace, and the king couldn't tell how to make enough of
them. But Boots, who went about in the same rags he stood in when he
left home, and who had never a penny in his pocket, he was taken up
by the king's guard, and put across to an island, whither they used
to row over all the beggars and rogues that came to the palace. This
the king had ordered, because he wouldn't have the mirth at the
palace spoilt by those dirty blackguards; and thither, too, only just
as much food as would keep body and soul together was sent over
everyday. Now Boots' brothers saw very well that the guard was rowing
him over to the island, but they were glad to be rid of him, and
didn't pay the least heed to him.

But when Boots got over there, he just pulled out his scissors and
began to snip and cut in the air; so the scissors cut out the finest
clothes any one would wish to see; silk and satin both, and all the
beggars on the island were soon dressed far finer than the king and
all his guests in the palace. After that, Boots pulled out his table-
cloth, and spread it out, and so they got food too, the poor beggars.
Such a feast had never been seen at the king's palace, as was served
that day at the Beggars' Isle.

'Thirsty, too, I'll be bound you all are', said Boots, and out with
his tap, gave it a turn, and so the beggars got all a drop to drink;
and such ale and mead the king himself had never tasted in all his
life.

So, next morning, when those who were to bring the beggars their food
on the island, came rowing over with the scrapings of the porridge-
pots and cheese-parings--that was what the poor wretches had--the
beggars wouldn't so much as taste them, and the king's men fell to
wondering what it could mean; but they wondered much more when they
got a good look at the beggars, for they were so fine the guard
thought they must be Emperors or Popes at least, and that they must
have rowed to a wrong island; but when they looked better about them,
they saw they were come to the old place.

Then they soon found out it must be he whom they had rowed out the
day before who had brought the beggars on the island all this state
and bravery; and as soon as they got back to the palace, they were
not slow to tell how the man, whom they had rowed over the day
before, had dressed out all the beggars so fine and grand that
precious things fell from their clothes.

'And as for the porridge and cheese we took, they wouldn't even taste
them, so proud have they got', they said.

One of them, too, had smelt out that the lad had a pair of scissors
which he cut out the clothes with.

'When he only snips with those scissors up in the air he snips and
cuts out nothing but silk and satin', said he.

So, when the Princess heard that, she had neither peace nor rest till
she saw the lad and his scissors that cut out silk and satin from the
air; such a pair was worth having, she thought, for with its help she
would soon get all the finery she wished for. Well, she begged the
king so long and hard, he was forced to send a messenger for the lad
who owned the scissors; and when he came to the palace, the Princess
asked him if it were true that he had such and such a pair of
scissors, and if he would sell it to her. Yes, it was all true he had
such a pair, said Boots, but sell it he wouldn't; and with that he
took the scissors out of his pocket, and snipped and snipped with
them in the air till strips of silk and satin flew all about him.

'Nay, but you must sell me these scissors', said the Princess. 'You
may ask what you please for them, but have them I must.'

No! Such a pair of scissors he wouldn't sell at any price, for he
could never get such a pair again; and while they stood and haggled
for the scissors, the Princess had time to look better at Boots, and
she too thought with the innkeepers' wives that she had never seen
such a handsome fellow before. So she began to bargain for the
scissors over again, and begged and prayed Boots to let her have
them; he might ask many, many hundred dollars for them, 'twas all the
same to her, so she got them.

'No! sell them I won't', said Boots; 'but all the same, if I can get
leave to sleep one night on the floor of the Princess' bedroom, close
by the door, I'll give her the scissors. I'll do her no harm, but if
she's afraid, she may have two men to watch inside the room.'

Yes! the Princess was glad enough to give him leave, for she was
ready to grant him anything if she only got the scissors. So Boots
lay on the floor inside the Princess' bedroom that night, and two men
stood watch there too; but the Princess didn't get much rest after
all; for when she ought to have been asleep, she must open her eyes
to look at Boots, and so it went on the whole night. If she shut her
eyes for a minute, she peeped out at him again the next, such a
handsome fellow he seemed to her to be.

Next morning Boots was rowed over to the Beggars' isle again; but
when they came with the porridge scrapings and cheese parings from
the palace, there was no one who would taste them that day either,
and so those who brought the food were more astonished than ever. But
one of those who brought the food contrived to smell out that the lad
who had owned the scissors owned also a table-cloth, which he only
needed to spread out, and it was covered with all the good things he
could wish for. So when he got back to the palace, he wasn't long
before he said:

'Such hot joints and such custards I never saw the like of in the
king's palace.'

And when the Princess heard that, she told it to the king, and begged
and prayed so long, that he was forced to send a messenger out to the
island to fetch the lad who owned the table-cloth; and so Boots came
back to the palace. The Princess must and would have the cloth of
him, and offered him gold and green woods for it, but Boots wouldn't
sell it at any price.

'But if I may have leave to lie on the bench by the Princess' bed-
side to-night, she shall have the cloth; but if she's afraid, she is
welcome to set four men to watch inside the room.'

Yes! the Princess agreed to this, so Boots lay down on the bench by
the bed-side, and the four men watched; but if the Princess hadn't
much sleep the night before, she had much less this, for she could
scarce get a wink of sleep; there she lay wide awake looking at the
lovely lad the whole night through, and after all, the night seemed
too short.

Next morning Boots was rowed off again to the Beggars' island, though
sorely against the Princess' will, so happy was she to be near him;
but it was past praying for; to the island he must go, and there was
an end of it. But when those who brought the food to the beggars came
with the porridge scrapings and cheese parings, there wasn't one of
them who would even look at what the king sent, and those who brought
it didn't wonder either; though they all thought it strange that none
of them were thirsty. But just then, one of the king's guard smelled
out that the lad who had owned the scissors and the table-cloth had a
tap besides, which, if one only turned it a little, gave out the
rarest drink, both ale, and mead, and wine. So when he came back to
the palace, he couldn't keep his mouth shut this time any more than
before; he went about telling high and low about the tap, and how
easy it was to draw all sorts of drink out of it.

'And as for that mead and ale, I've never tasted the like of them in
the king's palace; honey and syrup are nothing to them for
sweetness.'

So when the Princess heard that, she was all for getting the tap, and
was nothing loath to strike a bargain with the owner either. So she
went again to the king, and begged him to send a messenger to the
Beggars' Isle after the lad who had owned the scissors and cloth, for
now he had another thing worth having, she said; and when the king
heard it was a tap, that was good to give the best ale and wine any
one could drink, when one gave it a turn, he wasn't long in sending
the messenger, I should think.

So when Boots came up to the palace, the Princess asked whether it
were true he had a tap which could do such and such things? 'Yes! he
had such a tap in his waistcoat pocket', said Boots; but when the
Princess wished with all her might to buy it, Boots said, as he had
said twice before, he wouldn't sell it, even if the Princess bade
half the kingdom for it.

'But all the same', said Boots; 'if I may have leave to sleep on the
Princess' bed to-night, outside the quilt, she shall have my tap.
I'll not do her any harm; but, if she's afraid, she may set eight men
to watch in her room.'

'Oh, no!' said the Princess, 'there was no need of that, she knew him
now so well'; and so Boots lay outside the Princess' bed that night.
But if she hadn't slept much the two nights before, she had less
sleep that night; for she couldn't shut her eyes the livelong night,
but lay and looked at Boots, who lay alongside her outside the quilt.

So, when she got up in the morning, and they were going to row Boots
back to the island, she begged them to hold hard a little bit; and in
she ran to the king, and begged him so prettily to let her have Boots
for a husband, she was so fond of him, and, unless she had him, she
did not care to live.

'Well, well!' said the king, 'you shall have him if you must; for he
who has such things is just as rich as you are.'

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