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The Adventures of Hugh Trevor

T >> Thomas Holcroft >> The Adventures of Hugh Trevor




'"I am now, my dear friend, determined on the conduct I mean to
pursue. Oh! How it delights my heart that Mr. Trevor accords with me
in opinion, and advises me to that open sincerity after which I have
long been struggling, and which I am at length resolved to adopt! I
mean to inform my aunt of all that I know, as well as of all that
I intend. I will tell her where I have been, shew her this letter,
repeat every thing I have heard, and add my fixed purpose not to admit
the addresses of any man on earth; till my family shall authorise
those of Mr. Trevor. For that, or for the time when I shall be
unconditionally my own mistress, however distant it may be, I will
wait.

'"Tell Mr. Trevor that my heart is overwhelmed by the sense it
feels of his generous and noble conduct; and it exults in his manly
forbearance, which so cautiously guards my rectitude rather than
his own gratification; that I will obey his injunction, and that we
will have no clandestine correspondence; but that our souls shall
commune: they shall daily sympathise, and mutually excite us to that
perseverance in fidelity and virtue which will be their own reward,
and the consolation and joy of our lives.

'"If my aunt, my brother, or any of their acquaintance, should
again calumniate Mr. Trevor, I will forewarn them of my further
determination to inform him, and enquire into the facts. But I hope
they will neither be so unjust nor so ungenerous. At least, I think
my aunt will not; when she hears the truth, knows my resolution, and
remembers Cranford-bridge.

'"Of misinterpretation from Mr. Trevor I am in no fear. Had he one
sinister design, he never could have imagined the conduct he has so
nobly pursued. But to suppose the possibility of such a thing in him
would be a most unpardonable injustice. The man who should teach me to
distrust him, as a lover, could never inspire me with admiration and
confidence, as a husband. But different indeed has been the lesson I
have learned from Mr. Trevor.

'"Oh that Mr. Evelyn! What a godlike morality has he adopted! How
rational! How full of benefit to others, and of happiness to himself!

'"But Mr. Trevor's friends are all of this uncommon stamp; and I
own that to look into futurity, and to suppose myself excluded by
prejudice and pride from the enjoyment of such society, is perhaps
the most painful idea that can afflict the mind. I am almost afraid
of owning even to you, my kind and sympathising friend, the torrent
of emotions I feel at the thought of the pure pleasures I hope
for hereafter; from a life spent with a partner like Mr. Trevor,
heightened by the intercourse of the generous, benevolent, and
strong-minded men who share his heart."'

To detail all that farther passed, between Olivia and Miss Wilmot,
with the particulars which the latter related to me, would but be
to repeat sensations and incidents that are already familiar to the
reader. And, with respect to my own feelings, those he will doubtless
have anticipated. What could they be but rapture? What could they
inspire but resolution: the power to endure, and the will to
persevere?




CHAPTER IX


_The study of oratory: Remarks on fashionable manners and their
consequences: A public dinner: Emotions at the meeting of quondam
acquaintance: Amenity without doors and anger within compatible: A
discovery made by the Baronet: The contending passions of surprise,
resentment, and pity: Ravages committed by vice: An awful scene, or a
warning to gluttony_


Previous to this event, I should have imagined it impossible to have
increased my affection: yet, if admiration be the basis of love, as
I am persuaded it is, my love was certainly increased. I now seemed
to be setting forward on a journey, of the length of which I was
indeed wholly ignorant; but the road was made plain, and the end was
inexpressible happiness. I should therefore travel with unwearied
alacrity.

But, that I might shorten this unmeasured length of way, it was
necessary I should be as active in pursuit as I was ardent in my
passion: and the stimulus was a strong one. Oratory accordingly,
Olivia excepted, became the object that seemed the dearest to my
heart. Demosthenes and Cicero were my great masters. They and their
modern competitors were my study, day and night. No means were
neglected that precept or example, as far as they came within my
knowledge, could afford: and the additional intercourse which I thus
acquired with man, his motives, actions, and heart, was a school of
the highest order.

I did not however entirely confine myself to the society of the dead:
the living likewise constituted a seminary, in which I found frequent
opportunities of gaining instruction. Impelled by curiosity and
ambition, I was not remiss in cultivating an acquaintance among those
people of fashion to whom I gained access.

But, as the tribe that bestow on themselves this titillating epithet
have a light and versatile character, as they abound in praises that
are void of discrimination, and promises that are unmeaning, and
affect at one moment the most winning urbanity, and at the next the
most supercilious arrogance, though they gave me much pleasure, they
likewise gave me exquisite pain.

The more I became acquainted with them, the more I was amazed, that
the man who had been talking to me in the evening on terms of the
utmost apparent equality, if I met him the next morning, did not know
me.

Some of them would even gaze full in my face, as if to enquire--'Who
are you, sir?' but in reality to insult me. The looks of these most
courteous and polished people seem to say 'In the name of all that is
high-bred, how does it happen that persons of fashion do not unite to
stare every such impertinent upstart out of their company?'

Of all the insolence that disturbs society, and puts it in a state of
internal warfare, the insolence of fashion wounds and imbitters the
most. It instantly provokes the offended person to enquire--'What kind
of being is it, that takes upon him to brave, insult, and despise me?
Has he more strength, more activity, more understanding than myself?'
In numerous instances, he is imbecile in body, more imbecile still in
mind, and contemptible in person. Nay he is often little better than a
driveller.

He, whom the _hauteur_ of fashion has compelled to reason thus, will
soon be led to further and more serious inferences.

Nothing can reconcile men, so as to induce them to remain peaceable
spectators of enjoyments beyond their attainment, except that
unaffected benevolence which shall continually actuate the heart to
communicate all the happiness it has the power to bestow. This only
can so temper oppression as to render gradual and orderly reform
practicable.

But I am talking to the winds.

This wavering between extreme civility and rudeness was conspicuous
in the behaviour of the Bray family toward me. Her Ladyship, at one
moment, would overlook me, I being present, as if no such person had
been in existence: or as if he were not half so worthy of attention
as her lap-dog; for, as a proof, on the lap-dog it was lavished: yet,
at another, I was _absolutely_ the most charming man on earth. I had
_positively_ the most refined taste, good breeding, and all that that
she had ever known.

With Sir Barnard I was sometimes an oracle. To me his discourse was
directed, to my judgment his appeals were made, and my opinions were
decisive. In other fits he would not condescend to notice me. If I
interfered with a sentence, he would pursue the conversation as if an
objection made by me were unworthy of an answer; and perhaps, if I
asked him a question, he would affect to be deaf, and make no reply.

These are arts which render the condition of a supposed inferior
truly hateful: and, as they were severely felt, they were severely
remembered, and now and then retaliated in a spirit which I cannot
applaud.

If the history of such emotions were traced through all their
consequences, and if men were aware how much the principal events of
their lives are the result of the petty ebullitions of passion, that
branch of morals which should regulate the temper of mind, tone of
voice, and expression of the countenance, would become a very serious
study.

This remark is as old as Adam: and yet it relates to a science that is
only in its infancy.

How fatal the want of such a necessary command of temper had been to
me the reader already knows: and, though at moments I was painfully
conscious of the defect, and it was become less obtrusive, it was far
from cured. It still hovered over and influenced my fate: as will be
seen.

The old parliament was not yet dissolved: it had met, and was sitting.
But the defection of Sir Barnard's member was of late date; and, as
the Baronet had his motives for not wishing to provoke the honorable
member whom he had made too violently, there was a kind of compromise;
and the apostate was suffered to keep his seat, during the short
remainder of the term.

Sir Barnard however, as I have said, delighted in his prop. It was as
necessary to him as his cane; and I generally accompanied him, when he
visited any kind of political assemblies.

It happened that there was an annual dinner of the gentlemen who had
been educated at *******; of which dinner Sir Barnard was appointed
one of the stewards. That he might acquit himself of this arduous task
with eclat, I was of course presented with a ticket; and attended as
his aid de camp.

The company was numerous, and the stewards and the chairman met
something more early than the rest, to regulate the important business
of the day.

When I entered the committee room, with the Baronet, the first person
that caught my eye was the Earl of Idford.

I shrunk back. I had a momentary hesitation whether I should insult
him or instantly quit the company; and disdain to enter an apartment
polluted by his presence.

I had however just good sense enough to recollect that a quarrel, in
such a place, nobody knew why, would be equally ridiculous and rash:
and that to avoid any man was cowardly.

The thought awakened me; and, collecting myself, I advanced with a
firm and cool air.

Habit and perversity of system had done that for his lordship to
which his fortitude was inadequate. He was at least as cool, and
as intrepid, as myself; and bowed to me with the utmost ease and
civility. To return his bow was infinitely more repulsive than taking
a toad in my hand: yet to forbear would have been a violation of
the first principles of the behaviour of a gentleman. I therefore
reluctantly and formally complied. I hope the reader remembers how
earnestly I condemn this want of temper in myself.

His lordship took not the least notice of the coldness of my manner;
but, with simpering complacency, 'hoped I had been well, since he had
had the pleasure of seeing me.'

My reply was another slight inclination of the head, tinctured with
disdain: on which his lordship turned his back, with a kind of
open-mouthed nonchalance that was truly epigrammatic; and fell into
conversation with Sir Barnard, who had advanced toward the fire, with
all the apparent ease of the most intimate friendship: though, since
his lordship had changed sides, they had become, in politics at least,
the most outrageous enemies.

This brought a train of reflections into my mind, on the behaviour of
political partisans toward each other; and on the efforts they make,
after they have been venting the most cutting sarcasms in their mutual
parliamentary attacks, to behave out of doors as if they had totally
forgotten what had passed within: or were incapable, if not of
feeling, of remembering insult.

What is most remarkable, the men of greatest talent exert this amenity
with the greatest effect: for they utter and receive the most biting
reproaches, yet meet each other as if no such bickerings had ever
passed.

It is not then, in characters like these, hypocrisy?

No. It is an effort to live in harmony with mankind: yet to speak the
truth and tell them of their mistakes unsparingly, and regardless of
personal danger. In other words, it is an attempt to perform the most
sacred of duties: but the manner of performing it effectually has
hitherto been ill understood.

Sir Barnard had witnessed the short scene between me and his lordship;
and presently took occasion to ask me in a whisper, 'How and where we
had become acquainted?'

I replied 'I had resided in the house of his lordship.'

'Ay, indeed!' said the Baronet. 'In what capacity?'

My pride was piqued, and I answered, 'As his companion; and, as I
was taught to suppose myself, his friend. But I was soon cured of my
mistake.'

'By what means?'

'By his lordship's patriotism. By the purity of his politics.'

I spoke with a sneer, and the Baronet burst into a malicious laugh of
triumph: but, unwilling that the cause of it should be suspected, it
was instantly restrained.

'What concern had you,' continued he, 'in his lordship's politics?'

'I have reason to believe I helped to reconcile him to the Minister.'

'You, Mr. Trevor! How came you to do so unprincipled, so profligate, a
thing?'

'It was wholly unintentional.'

'I do not understand you.'

'I wrote certain letters that were printed in the ----'

'What, Mr. Trevor! were you the author of the three last letters of
Themistocles?'

'I was.'

The Baronet's face glowed with exultation. 'I knew,' said he with a
vehement but under voice, 'he never wrote them himself! I have said it
a thousand times; and I am not easily deceived. Every body said the
same.'

There is no calculating how much the knowledge of this circumstance
raised me in Sir Barnard's opinion; and consequently elevated himself,
in the idea he conceived of his own power. 'Had he indeed got hold of
the author of Themistocles? Why then he was a great man! A prodigious
senator! The wish of his heart was accomplished! He could now wreak
vengeance where he most wished it to fall; and fall it should, without
mercy or remission.' His little soul was on tip-toe, and he overlooked
the world.

Though we had retired to the farthest corner of the room, and his
lordship pretended to be engaged in chit chat with persons who were
proud of his condescension, I could perceive his suspicions were
awakened. His eye repeatedly gave enquiring glances; and, while it
endeavoured to counterfeit indifference by a stare, it was disturbed
and contracted by apprehension.

Malignity, hatred, and revenge, are closely related; and of these
passions men of but little mental powers are very susceptible. It is
happy for society that their impotence impedes the execution of their
desires. I was odious in the sight of Lord Idford in every point of
view: for he had first injured me; which, as has been often remarked,
too frequently renders him who commits the injury implacable; and he
had since encountered a rival in me; which was an insult that his
vanity and pride could ill indeed digest.

Still however he was a courtier; a man of fashion; a person of the
best breeding; and therefore could smile.

A smile is a delightful thing, when it is the genuine offspring of the
heart: but heaven defend me from the jaundiced eye, the simpering lip,
and the wrinkled cheek; that turn smiles to grimace, and give the lie
to open and undisguised pleasure.

It was a smile such as this that his lordship bestowed upon me, when
I and the Baronet joined his group. Addressing himself to me, with a
simper that anticipated the pain he intended to give, he said--'Do you
know, Mr. Trevor, that your friend the bishop of **** is to dine with
us? You will be glad to meet each other.'

I instantly replied, with fire in my eyes, 'I shall be as glad to
meet that most pious and right reverend pastor as I was to meet your
lordship.'

Agreeably to rule, he bowed; and gave the company to understand he
took this as a polite acknowledgment of respect. But his gesture was
accompanied with a disconcerted leer of smothered malice, which I
could not misinterpret. It was sardonic; and, to me, who knew what was
passing in his heart, disgusting, and painful.

I had scarcely spoken before my lord the bishop entered; and with him,
as two supporters--Heavens! Who?--The president of the college where
I had been educated; and the tutor, whose veto had prevented me from
taking my degrees!

In the life of every man of enterprise there are moments of extreme
peril. In an instant, and as it were by enchantment, I saw myself
surrounded by the cowardly, servile, dwarf-demons, for so my
imagination painted them, who had been my chief tormentors. Or rather
by reptiles the most envenomed; with which I was shut up, as if I had
been thrown into their den; and by which, if I did not exterminate
them, I must expect to be devoured.

But these feelings were of short duration. My heart found an immediate
repellent, both to fear and revenge, in my eyes. Good God! What were
the figures now before me? Such as to excite pity, in every bosom
that was not shut to commiseration for the vices into which mankind
are mistakenly hurried; and for their deplorable consequences.
What a fearful alteration had a few months produced! In the bishop
especially!

He had been struck by the palsy, and dragged one side along with
extreme difficulty. His bloated cheeks and body had fallen into deep
pits; and the swelling massy parts were of a black-red hue, so that
the skin appeared a bag of morbid contents. His mouth was drawn awry,
his speech entirely inarticulate, his eye obscured by thick rheum,
and his clothes were stained by the saliva that occasionally driveled
from his lips. His legs were wasted, his breast was sunk, and his
protuberant paunch looked like the receptacle of dropsy, atrophy,
catarrh, and every imaginable malady.

My heart sunk within me. Poor creature! What would I have given
to have possessed the power of restoring thee to something human!
Resentment to thee? Alas! Had I not felt compassion, such as never can
be forgotten, I surely should have despised, should have almost hated,
myself.

The president was evidently travelling the same road. His legs, which
had been extremely muscular, instead of being as round and smooth in
their surface as they formerly were, each appeared to be covered with
innumerable nodes; that formed irregular figures, and angles. What
they were swathed with I cannot imagine: but I conjecture there must
have been stiff brown paper next to the smooth silk stocking, which
produced the irregularities of the surface. The dullness of his eyes,
the slowness of their motions, his drooping eyelids, his flaccid
cheeks, his hanging chin, and the bagging of his cloaths, all denoted
waste, want of animation, lethargy, debility and decline.

The condition of the tutor was no less pitiable. He was gasping with
an asthma; and was obliged incessantly to struggle with suffocation.
It was what physicians call a confirmed case: while he lived, he was
doomed to live in pain. Where is the tyrant that can invent tortures,
equal to those which men invent for themselves?

These were the guests who were come to feast: to indulge appetites
they had never been able to subdue, though their appetites were vipers
that were eating away their vitals.

How strongly did this scene bring to my recollection Pope on the
ruling passion! I could almost fancy I heard the poor bishop quoting

'Mercy! cries Helluo, mercy on my soul!
'Is there no hope?--Alas!--Then bring the jowl.'

The present man is but the slave of the past. What induced the
president and the tutor, when the bishop's more able-bodied footmen
had rather carried than conducted him up stairs, officially to become
his supporters as he entered the room? Was it unmixed humanity? Or was
it those servile habits to which their cunning had subjected them? and
by which they supposed not only that preferment but that happiness was
attainable.

Humanity doubtless had its share; for it is a sensation that never
utterly abandons the breast of man: and, as it is often strengthened
by a consciousness that we ourselves are in need of aid, let us
suppose that the president and the tutor were become humane.

Though feelings of acrimony towards these persons were entirely
deadened in me by the spectacle I beheld, yet I knew not well how
to behave. I was prompted to shew them how placable I was become,
by accosting them first: but this might be misconstrued into that
servility for which I had thought of them with so much contempt.
Beside, the bishop and the president, if not the tutor, were in the
phraseology of the world my superiors; and etiquette had established
the rule that, if they thought proper to notice me, they would be the
first to salute.

His lordship however eased me of farther trouble on this head, by
asking the bishop--'Have you forgotten your old acquaintance Mr.
Trevor, my lord?'

What answer this consecrated right reverend father returned I could
not hear. He muttered something: but the sounds were as unintelligible
as the features of his face; or the drooping deadness of his eyes. The
president, however, hearing this, thought proper to bow: though very
slightly, till the earl added, with a significant emphasis on the two
last words--'Sir Barnard is become Mr. Trevor's particular friend;'
which was no sooner pronounced than the countenances of both the
bishop's supporters changed, to something which might be called
exceedingly civil, in the tutor, and prodigiously condescending, in
the president.

This was a memorable day: and, if the event which I have now to relate
should be offensive to the feelings of any man, or any class of men,
I can only say that I share the common fate of historians: who,
though they should relate nothing but facts, never fail to excite
displeasure, if not resentment and persecution, in the partisans of
this or that particular opinion, faction, or establishment.

The dinner was served. It was sumptuous: or rather such as gluttony
delights in. The persons assembled, I am sorry to say it, were several
of them gluttons; and encouraged and countenanced each other in the
vice to which they were addicted.

Dish succeeded to dish: and one plateful was but devoured that another
and another might be gorged.

Fatal insensibility to the warning voice of experience!
Incomprehensible blindness!

The poor bishop was unable to resist his destiny.

I had a foreboding of the mischief that might result from a stomach at
once so debilitated and so overloaded. I wished to have spoken: I was
tempted to exclaim--'Rash man, beware!' I could not keep my eyes away
from him: till at length I suddenly remarked a strange appearance,
that came over his face; and, almost at the same instant, he dropped
from his chair in an apoplectic fit.

The description of his foaming mouth, distorted features, dead eyes,
the whites of which only were to be seen, his writhings, his--

No! I must forbear. The picture I witnessed could give nothing but
pain; mingled with disgust, and horror. If I suggest that poor
oppressed nature made the most violent struggles, to empty and relieve
herself, there will perhaps be more than sufficient of the scene of
which I was a spectator conjured up in the imagination.

The bishop had been a muscular man, with a frame of uncommon strength;
and the paroxysm, though extreme, did not end in death. Medical
assistance was obtained, and he was borne away as soon as the crisis
was over: but the festivity for which the company had met was
disturbed. Many of them were struck with terror; dreading lest they
had only been present at horrors that, soon or late, were to light
upon themselves. They departed appalled by the scene they had
witnessed, and haunted by images of a foreboding, black, and
distracted kind.

From these Sir Barnard himself was not wholly free: though he had been
less guilty of gormandizing than many of his associates: and, for
my own part, this incident left an impression upon me which I am
persuaded will be salutary through life.




CHAPTER X


_A few reflections: A word concerning friends, and the duties of
friendship: News of Thornby; or the equity of the dying: The decease
of my mother: A curious letter on the obsequies of the dead: The real
and the ideal being unlike to each other_


How different is the same man, at different periods of his existence!
How very unlike were the bowing well bred Earl of Idford, and the
asthmatic tutor, of this day, to the Lord Sad-dog and his Jack; whom,
but a few years before, I first met at college!

The president too at that time was, quite as much in form as in
office, one of the pillars of the university. And the bishop! What a
lamentable change had a short period produced!

Happy would it be for men did they recollect that change they must;
and that, if they will but be sufficiently attentive to circumstances,
they may change for the better.

Time kept rolling on; and I had variety of occupation. Neither my
studies, my fashionable acquaintances, nor those whom I justly loved
as my friends, were neglected. Mr. Evelyn continued for some time in
town; attending to his anatomical and chymical studies. Wilmot had
completed his comedy. It had been favourably received by the manager;
and was to be the second new piece brought forward. Turl, with equal
perseverance, was pursuing his own plans: and, though I heard nothing
more from Olivia, my heart was at ease. I knew the motives on which
she acted; and had her assurance that, if I should be again defamed, I
should now be heard in my own defence.

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