Toasts

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THE PURPOSE OF AFTER-DINNER SPEAKING

Briefly stated, it is to bring into one focus the thought of an assembly.
While the good things of the table may be satisfactory, and conversation
free and spontaneous, there is yet need of some expedient for making all
thought flow in one channel, and of blending the whole company into a true
unity. There is one way, and only one, of doing this--the same that is
used to produce unity of action and thought in any assembly, for whatever
purpose convened. When the destinies of empires are at stake, when great
questions that arise among men are to be solved, the art of speech must be
called into play. So after a good dinner has been enjoyed, the same potent
agency finds a field, narrower, indeed, but scarcely less operative. And
this object--of causing a whole assembly to think the same thoughts and
turn their attention to a common topic--is often well attained even when
the speeches do not aspire to great excellence or pretension to eloquence.

A commonplace illustration will make our meaning clear. Suppose a great
reception, where many rooms are filled with invited guests. There is
conversation, but only by groups of two or three persons; refreshments are
served; larger groups begin to gather around prominent persons, but there
is the same diversity of sentiment and purpose that is to be found in a
chance crowd in a public park. The guests are not in one place, with one
accord. But now, on some pretext, the power of public speech is evoked;
perhaps a toast is offered and responded to, or a more formal address of
welcome or congratulation, or anything else suitable to the occasion.
The subject and the manner of introduction are not material, so that the
living, speaking man is brought face to face with his fellows; at once,
instead of confusion and disorder, all is order and harmony. The speaker
may hesitate in the delivery of his message, but his very embarrassment
will in some instances contribute to harmonize the thought of the assembly
even more powerfully than a more pretentious address. But a good and
appropriate speech will indelibly fix the thought, and be far more
satisfactory.

Where no particular kind of address is indicated by the nature of the
assemblage, stories and humor will generally be highly appreciated. A good
story has some of the perennial interest that surrounds a romance, and if
it is at the same time humorous, an appeal is made to another sentiment,
universal in the human breast. If people thrill with interest in unison,
or laugh or cry together for a time, or merely give attention to the same
thoughts, there will arise a sense of fellowship and sympathy which is not
only enjoyable, but is the very purpose for which people are invited to
assemblies.

More ordinary after-dinner speeches succeed by the aid of humorous stories
than by all other means combined. In a very ingenious book of ready-made
speeches the turning point of nearly every one depends upon a pun or other
trick of speech. While this is carrying the idea a little too far, still
it fairly indicates the importance placed upon sallies of wit or humor as
a factor in speech-making. The fellowship that comes from laughing at the
same jokes and approving the same sentiments may not be the most intimate
or the most enduring, but it is often the only kind possible, and should be
prized accordingly.

The chief use of toasts is to call out such speeches, and thus lead the
thought of the assembly along pleasant and appropriate channels--all
prearranged, yet apparently spontaneous.

A long speech is selfish and unpardonable. It wearies the guests, destroys
variety, and crowds others out of the places to which they have been
assigned and are entitled. When the speaking is over, the company will have
been led to contemplate the same themes, and will have rejoiced,
sympathized, and laughed in unison.

SOME A B C DIRECTIONS FOR MAKING SPEECHES, TOASTS, AND RESPONSES

1. Do not be afraid or ashamed to use the best helps you can get. Divest
yourself of the idea that all you need is to wait till a toast is proposed
and your name called, and then to open your mouth and let the eloquence
flow forth. The greatest genius in the world _might_ succeed in that
way, but would not be likely to venture it. Use a book and study your
subject well.

2. Generally, it is not well to memorize word for word either what you
have written or obtained from a book, unless it is a pun or a story where
the effect depends upon verbal accuracy. But be sure to memorize toasts,
sentiments, and titles absolutely. To know the substance of your speech
well, with one or two strong points in it, is better than to have a flowery
oration weighing down your memory.

3. If you are a novice (and these directions are given to no others), do
not aim to make a great speech, but to say a few things modestly and
quietly. A short and unassuming speech by a beginner is sure of applause.
Eloquence, if you have it in you, will come later through practice and
familiarity with your subject.

4. If you can't remember or find a good story, invent one! Perhaps you
have scruples as to the latter. But a story is not a lie; if so, what
would become of the noble tribe of novel-writers! Mark Twain gives a very
humorous account of the way in which he killed his conscience. Probably
many speakers who retail good things might make confession in the same
direction.

But why is it not as reputable to invent one's own story as to tell the
story some one else has invented? Does the second telling improve its
morality? Rather give heed to the quality of the story. This, and not its
origin, is the really important matter to consider.

5. Success in after-dinner speaking is difficult or easy to attain
according to the way you go about it. If you think you must startle,
rouse, and electrify your hearers, or, worse still, must instruct them in
something _you_ think important, but about which they care nothing,
your efforts are likely to be attended by a hard and bitter experience. But
if, when a prospective speech-occasion looms up, you will reflect upon the
sentiment you wish to propose, or will get a friend to do a little planning
and suggest the easiest toast or topic, and then attempt to say just a
little, you will probably come off with flying colors.

6. When you rise, do not be in a hurry. A little hesitation has a better
effect than too much promptness and fluency, and a little stammering or
hesitation, it may be added, will have no bad effect. In beginning, your
manner can without disadvantage be altogether lost sight of, and if
you have something to say the substance of which is good, and has been
carefully prearranged, you will be able to give utterance to it in some
form; grammatical mistakes or mispronunciation, where there is no
affectation, as well as an occasional repetition, will rarely be noticed.

7. Above all, remember it may be assumed that your hearers are your
friends, and are ready to receive kindly what you have to say. This will
have a wonderfully steadying effect on your nerves. And if your speech
consists only of two or three sentences slowly and deliberately uttered,
they will at least applaud its brevity, and give you credit for having
filled your place on the programme respectably.

It has been often said that Americans are greatly ahead of the English in
general speech-making, but in pleasant after-dinner talking and addresses
they are much inferior. Probably this was once true, but if so, it is
true no longer. The reason of any former deficiency was simply want of
practice, without which no speech-making can be easy and effective. But
the importance of this kind of oratory is now recognized, and, with proper
efforts to cultivate and master it, Americans are taking the same high rank
as in other forms of intellectual effort. Lowell and Depew are acknowledged
as peers of any "toast-responder" or "after-dinner orator" the world has
ever seen. One of the chief elements of their charm consists in the good
stories they relate. Whoever has a natural faculty, be it ever so slight,
as a storyteller, will, if he gathers up and appropriates the good things
that he meets with, soon realize that he is making rapid progress in this
delightful field, and that he gains much more than mere pleasure by his
acquisitions.

The best entertainments are not those which merely make a display of wealth
and luxury. Quiet, good taste, and social attractions are far better. The
English wit, Foote, describes a banquet of the former character. "As to
splendor, as far as it went, I admit it: there was a very fine sideboard of
plate; and if a man could have swallowed a silversmith's shop, there was
enough to satisfy him; but as to all the rest, the mutton was white, the
veal was red, the fish was kept too long, the venison not kept long enough;
to sum up all, everything was cold except the ice, and everything sour
except the vinegar." Excellence in the quality of the viands is not to
be disregarded in the choicest company. A celebrated scholar and wit was
selecting some of the choicest delicacies on the table, when a rich friend
said to him, "What! do philosophers love dainties?" "Why not?" replied the
scholar; _"do you think all the good things of this world were made only
for blockheads?"_

HOLIDAY SPEECHES

FOURTH OF JULY

At a Fourth of July banquet, or celebration, toast may be offered to "The
Flag," to "The Day," to "Independence," to "Our Revolutionary Fathers," to
"The Nation," to any Great Man of the Past, to "Liberty," to "Free Speech,"
to "National Greatness," to "Peace," to "Defensive War," to any of the
States, to "Washington" or "Lafayette," to "Our Old Ally, France," to any
of the "Patriotic Virtues," to "The Army and The Navy," to the "Memory of
any of the Battles by Land or Sea." Appropriate sentiments for any of these
may easily be devised or may be found in the miscellaneous list in this
volume. "The Constitution and the Laws" or something similar should not be
omitted.

SOME ITEMS THAT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE IN RESPONDING TO THESE TOASTS.

Their order and character will depend upon the special topic.

Our present prosperity--the greatness and resources of our country as
compared with those of the Revolutionary epoch--the slow growth of the
colonies--the rapid growth of the States and the addition of new States
continually--what was gained by independence--did we do more than simply
prevent tyranny--the advantages an independent country possesses over a
colony, such as Canada--the perils of independence and the responsibility
of power--the romantic early history of the country--the wars that preceded
the Revolutionary conflict--the character of the struggle--the slenderness
of our resources compared with the mighty power of Britain--our ally,
France--what that nation gained and lost by joining in our quarrel--the
memories of Washington and Lafayette--the principles at stake in the
Revolution--the narrow view our fathers took of the issue at first, and
the manner in which they were led first to independence and then to
nationality--some phases of the struggle--its critical points--Trenton and
Valley Forge--Saratoga and Yorktown--our responsibilities and duties--the
questions of that day enumerated and compared with the burning questions
of the present day (which we do not enumerate here, but which the speaker
may describe or even argue if the nature of his audience, or time at his
disposal permits)--the future greatness of the nation--the probability of
the acquisition of new territory.

Laughable incidents either from history or illustrations from any source,
must not be forgotten, for if the speech be more than a few minutes long
they are absolutely indispensable.

OUTLINE OF A SPEECH IN RESPONSE TO THE TOAST "THE DAY WE CELEBRATE"

The Fourth of July has been a great day ever since 1776. Before that year
the Fourth of this month came and went like other days. But then a great
event happened: an event which made a great difference to the entire world;
the boundaries of many countries would be very different to-day if the
important event of that day had not transpired. It was a terrible blow to
the foes of humanity and even to many weak-kneed friends. The exhortation
of one of the signers of the Declaration on that day, "We must all hang
together," with the grim but very reasonable rejoinder, "If we do not, we
will assuredly hang separately." The bloodshed and suffering which followed
and which seem to be the only price at which human liberty and advancement
can be procured. We had to deal with our old friends the English very much
as the peace-loving Quaker did with the pirate who boarded his ship; taking
him by the collar Broad-brim dropped him over the ship's side into the
water, saying, "Friend, thee has no business on this ship." We have shown
that we own and can navigate the ship of State ourselves, and now we are
willing to welcome here not only John Bull but all nations of the world
when they have any friendly business with us.

The gunpowder that has been consumed. First, during the Revolutionary war
and the second war with England; and then the powder that has been exploded
by small and large boys in the hundred and odd Fourths that have followed.

OUTLINE OF A SPREAD-EAGLE SPEECH IN A FOREIGN LAND

We are so far from home that we can't hear the eagle scream or see the
lightning in his eye. Only from the almanac do we know that this is the day
of all days on which he disports himself. He was a small bird when born,
more than a hundred years ago, but has grown lively till his wings reach
from ocean to ocean, and it only requires a little faith to see him stretch
himself clear over the Western Hemisphere and the adjacent islands. Other
birds despised him on the first great Fourth, but these birds of prey,
vultures, condors and such like, with crows, as well as the smaller
Republican eagles born since, are humble enough to him now. The British
lion himself having been so often scratched and clawed by this fowl, has
learned to shake his mane and wag his tail rather amiably in our eagle's
presence, even if he has to give an occasional growl to keep his hand in.
We are proud of this bird, though we are far from home, and to-day send our
heartiest good wishes across the sea to the land we love the best.

OUTLINE OF A RESPONSE TO THE TOAST, "OUR COUNTRY"

The field here is very wide. All the history of the country is appropriate,
but can only be glanced at, though a good speech might be made by dwelling
at length on some romantic incident in its history. The size and richness
of the country from the green pine forests of Maine to the golden orange
groves of California; or the prophecy of the manifest greatness of coming
destiny. Here the old but laughable story can be brought in easily about
the raw Irishman who saw a pumpkin for the first time, and was told that it
was a mare's egg, and generously given one. He had the misfortune, however,
to drop it out of his cart, when it rolled down-hill, struck a stump, burst
and frightened a rabbit, which bounded away followed by Pat, shouting:
"Shtop my colt; sure and if he is so big and can run so fast now, when just
born, what a rousing horse he will be when grown up!"

But our country has more than merely a vast area. She has made advances in
science, art, literature, and culture of all kinds, and is destined to play
a chief part in the drama of the world's progress.

* * * * *

MEMORIAL DAY

The celebration of this day has become general and has assumed a special
and beautiful character. It might have been feared that angry passions
engendered by civil strife would predominate, but the very reverse of
this is true. Kindness and charity, tender memories of the sacrifices of
patriotism, the duty of caring for the living and of avoiding all that
might lead again to the sad necessity of war, are the sentiments nearly
always inculcated.

The following are a few of the toasts that may be given at celebrations, or
banquets, or at the exercises that form a part of the annual decorating of
soldiers' graves:

The Martyred Dead--the Regiments locally represented--the Army and
Navy--any Dead Soldier especially prominent--the Union Forever--the
Whole Country--Victory always for the Right--the Surviving Soldiers and
Sailors--Unbroken Peace--the Commander-in-Chief, and other officers locally
honored--any special battle whose field is near at hand--the Flag with all
its Stars undimmed.

SKETCH OF A SPEECH IN RESPONSE TO THE TOAST, "OUR HONORED DEAD"

Time in its rapid flight tests many things. Thirty years ago the Southern
Confederacy, like a dark cloud full of storm and thunderings, covered the
Southern heavens. Statesmen planned, preachers prayed, women wept, and
armies as brave as ever formed in line fought, for its establishment. Blood
flowed freely, and the roar of battle filled the whole land. Many wise men
thought it would continue for ages, but lo! it has disappeared. Nothing
remains to its adherents but a memory--mournful, pathetic, and bitter.

How different with the Old Flag that we love. It had been tested before,
but this was its supreme trial. It had been victorious in several wars. It
had sheltered new and expanding States, it had fostered higher forms of
civilization, and represented peoples and interests that were complex and
varied; but in our Civil War it was assailed as never before. The test was
crucial, but nobly was it borne. Men died in ranks as the forest goes down
before the cyclone. What sharp agony in death, and what long-continued
suffering and bereavement this implies. But the result was decisive--a
strengthening of the power and grandeur of the nation that sometimes seems
to be only too great and unquestioned.

We have no wish by any word of ours to revive bitter feeling or stir up
strife. This hallowed day has been from the first a peacemaker. Men,
standing with uncovered heads in the presence of the dead, do not care to
utter words of reproach for the irrevocable past. We, wearing the blue, can
say to the scarred veteran wearers of the gray: "You fought well for the
lost cause. But the case was fairly tried in the awful court of war. It
took four years for the jury to agree, but the verdict has been given--a
verdict against your cause--and there is no higher court and no appeal.
There is no resurrection for the dead Confederacy; but we can offer you
something better--an equal part in the life and destiny of the most
glorious nation time has yet produced." And on their side the gray can
reply, in the words of Colonel Grady, the eloquent orator of the South, in
his speech at Atlanta: "We can now see that in this conflict loss was gain,
and defeat real and substantial victory; that everything we hoped for and
fought for, in the new government we sought to establish, is given to us in
greater measure in the old government our fathers founded."

We do not meet on these Memorial Days to weep for the dead, as we did while
wounds were yet fresh. Time has healed the scars of war, and we can calmly
contemplate the great lesson of patriotic devotion, and rejoice that the
nation to which we belong produced men noble enough to die for that which
they valued so much. Neither do I care to say anything of human slavery,
the institution that died and was buried with the Confederacy. I had enough
to say about it while it was living. Let the dead past bury its dead.

But we are here to foster patriotism, in view of the most tremendous
sacrifice ever willingly made by a people on the altar of nationality. That
the sacrifices of the Civil War deserve this rank will appear from the
fact that they were made--in the main--by volunteers. We were not fighting
directly to defend our altars and our fires; we were not driven to arms
to repel an invading foe; we were not hurried to the field by king or
noble; but in the first flush of manhood we offered ourselves to preserve
unimpaired the unity, the purity, the glory of our nation. So far as I have
turned over the leaves of the volume of time, I have found nothing in all
the past like this. Therefore, standing before the highest manifestation of
earthly patriotism, viewing it crowned in all the glory of self-sacrifice,
by a faithfulness which was literally in the case of hundreds of thousands
"unto death," we ask: "What is there that justifies a nation in exacting or
accepting (when freely offered) such tribute of the life-blood of its
people?"

The two things of inestimable value which our government furnishes and
which we ought to preserve even with life itself, if the sacrifice is
needed, are liberty and law, or rather liberty _in_ law. The old world
gave law, without which human society cannot exist. But it was accompanied
with terrible suffering--as when "order reigned in Warsaw." Such law came
from masters, and made the mass of the people slaves. We have an equal
perfection of law, order, subordination, but it rises side by side with
liberty The people govern themselves--not in one form of government alone
but in affairs national, State, county, down to the smallest school
district and a thousand voluntary societies. In each the methods by which
the people's will may be made supreme in designated affairs are clearly
defined, so that the whole of united human effort is brought under the
dominion of law, even such things as general education, and yet each
affair is in the hands of the people directly concerned. For thousands of
years the principles of our complex and wonderful system of co-ordinated
government have been growing up till they have reached their fullest
perfection on our soil, and we breathe their beneficence as we breathe the
air of heaven. Men are willing to die by the tens of thousands that this
liberty under law may not perish from the world.

... Comrades and Citizens:--We move forward to new issues and new
responsibilities. Grave dangers are now upon us. God grant that they may
not need to be met and settled in the rude shock of war. The time for
wisdom, for clear-sighted patriotism is--_now_. Labor and capital, the
foundations of law and order; the complex civilization of a nation which
now talks by lightning, and is hurled by steam over plains and mountains,
and which, doubtless, will soon fly through the air--all these are to be
settled by the men now on the stage of action. We cannot do better than to
tell you, to settle them in the spirit of the men whose great sacrifices we
to-day commemorate.

OUTLINE OF A SPEECH BY CHAUNCEY M. DEPEW, ON A DECORATION [MEMORIAL] DAY.

This is one of the most interesting of national celebrations, appealing not
to pride, but to tender personal memories. But we must not give ourselves
up wholly to sadness or mourning. The story of issues and results must be
told.

Why did our heroes die? On account of the cancer of slavery and the
resulting doctrine of State Rights. Nationality and liberty, the opposite
view. The former was the party of action, and, therefore, though in a
minority, it was bolder and more determined. But the shell of materialism
dropped from the North, and it was aroused with electric energy when Sumter
was fired on; there was no passion, only such fervid resolve to preserve
our nation as the world never before saw. The struggle over, there were no
State trials, no prisons nor scaffolds, and the Republic, though bleeding
at every pore, said to the conquered enemy, "Come and share fully with us
all the blessings of our preserved institutions," and thus won a second
victory greater than the first.

The wonderful intelligence of the volunteer--story of Napoleon's
soldier--"Dead on the field of honor."

The Grand Army of the elect--the heroes of history, some of whom are
enumerated--the actual value to a nation of such heroism. To-day all that
belongs to the strife is forgiven, but its lessons are too noble and
precious ever to be forgotten. We can all, North and South, read with
enthusiasm the story of each varied and romantic campaign.

The Confederate women first began decorating the graves of their dead with
flowers, and did not pass by the Union graves near their late foes. This
touched the heart of the nation as nothing else could have done, and enmity
melted away, and the observance of the day has become universal.

The two great national heroes--Washington, with his wise, foresighted
"Farewell Address;" Lincoln, with his gentle spirit, his martyr death, and
his tender words, "With malice towards none, with charity for all."
Washington the Founder, Lincoln the Preserver.

* * * * *

WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY

APPROPRIATE TOASTS

To Washington--to The Great Men of Revolutionary Times--to The Great Man
who could not do what many modern Politicians can do--_tell a lie_--to
The Childless Father of Eighty Millions of people--to The American Model
Statesman--to The Greatest of Good Men and the Best of Great Men.

THOUGHTS FOR A SPEECH IN RESPONSE TO THE TOAST "WASHINGTON: GREAT AS A
SOLDIER, GREATER AS A STATESMAN, GREATEST AS A PURE PATRIOT"

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