Toasts

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Indian, French, and English enemies. He had to make the armies with which
he conquered. He was always a safe commander, but full of enterprise
also--his character made the Union of the States and the Constitution
possible. His character the best inheritance of the American people. Other
men as great, possibly in some instances greater in a single field--his
greatness shown in the wide union of the noblest kinds of greatness, all in
harmony.

HUMOROUS RESPONSE BY BENJAMIN F. BUTLER TO THE TOAST, "OUR FOREFATHERS"

"While venerating their lofty patriotism, may we emulate them in their
republican simplicity of manners." He declared that a great deal had been
said at one time and another about the democratic simplicity of our
forefathers. Suppose that the gentlemen of the present day should go back
to some of the customs of the forefathers. Suppose a man should go to a
ball nowadays in the costume in which Thomas Jefferson, "that great apostle
of democratic simplicity," once appeared in Philadelphia. What a sensation
he would create with his modest (?) costume of velvet and lace, with
knee-breeches, silk stockings, silver shoe-buckles, and powdered wig. "Even
the great father of his country had a little style about him," said the
speaker. "It was a known fact that he never went to Congress when he was
President unless he went in a coach and six, with a little cupid on the box
bearing a wreath of flowers. The coach must be yellow and the horses white,
and then the President's secretary usually followed in a coach drawn by
four horses. When Washington ascended the steps to enter the doors, he
always stopped for a moment and turned slowly around to allow an admiring
people to see the father of their country. Oh! our forefathers were
saturated with modesty and simplicity. The people of the present day have
retrograded greatly from the simplicity of their Revolutionary ancestors. I
can remember when it was impossible, years before the war, to hold a night
session of Congress. It was impossible because the members of Congress
attended dinners, and lingered over their wine. They attended dinners very
like the one we have just enjoyed, and yet there is not a man in this
company who is unfitted to attend to any public or private duties that
might demand his attention. Yes, it is true that we have departed from
the old customs, but we have advanced and not retrograded. The world has
changed, but it has changed for the better. It is growing better every day,
and don't let anybody forget it."

* * * * *

CHRISTMAS

APPROPRIATE TOASTS

The Day of Good-will--to The Cold Weather without and the Warm Hearts
within--to The Christmas Tree, which grows in a Night and is plucked in
the Morning by the gladdest of fingers--to The Day in which Religion gives
sweetness to Social Life--Christmas Gifts; may they bless the Giver not
less than the Receiver--to The Oldest of our Festivals, which grows
mellower and sweeter with the passage of the centuries--to St. Nicholas
[or Santa Claus], the only saint Protestants worship--to A Merry Day that
leaves no heart-ache--to A Good Christmas, may sleighing, gifts, and
feasting crowd out all gambling and drunkenness.

SPEECH-THOUGHTS

The good cheer enjoyed on this merriest day of the year. How the little
people look forward to it. It comes to the older ones as a joy, and yet
tender and sad with the memories of other Christmases. The religious and
the secular elements of the day. The countries where it is most observed.
The long contest between the two days, Thanksgiving and Christmas. The
compromise that Massachusetts and Virginia, New England and the South, have
unanimously agreed upon; namely, to keep both days.

SELECTED OUTLINE OP AN EFFECTIVE LITTLE CHRISTMAS SPEECH

The speaker assumes that the observance of the day is becoming obsolete,
and that there are persons who wish it to die out. The assumption, though
rather strained, affords the opportunity to demolish this man of straw.
"All other kings may go, but no one can spare King Christmas, or St.
Nicholas, his prime minister. School-rooms and nurseries would rebel.
And plum pudding is too strongly entrenched in Church and State to be
dislodged. Washington Irving, with his _Sketch Book_, would protest.
Best argument of all is the worth of the Christmas entertainments. Here's
to the Festival of Festivals, and long may its honors be done by such hosts
as entertain us to-day."

THANKSGIVING

Coming at the beginning of the farmer's rest, when the harvest is all
gathered, this is a very joyous festival, and more than any other abounds
in family reunions. Any toast therefore is appropriate which tells of
the harvest, of fertility, of the closing year, of the family pride and
traditions, of pleasure to young and old. At dinner, turkey and mince or
pumpkin pie will of course be served, and these national favorites must not
be forgotten by the toastmaker.

This day, too, has an official and governmental flavor given to it by
the State and national proclamations which fix the date and invite its
observance. Usually, these enumerate the blessings enjoyed by the whole
country during the year, and suggest topics peculiarly fitting for
toasts. It is perhaps not too much to say that Thanksgiving is distinctly
_the_ American Festival, and should be honored accordingly.

TOASTS

To The Inventor of Pumpkin Pie--to Peace with all Nations--to The Rulers
of our Country--to The Farmer--to Full Stomachs and Merry Hearts--to
their Excellencies, the President and the Governor; may we obey all their
commands as willingly as when they tell us to feast--Abounding Plenty;
may we always remember the Source from which our benefits come--Our two
National Fowls, the American Eagle and the Thanksgiving Turkey; may the
one give us peace for all our States and the other a piece for all our
plates--The Turkey and the Eagle; we love to have the one soar high, but
wish the other to roost low--The Great American Birds; may we have them
where we love them best, the Turkeys on our tables and the Eagles in our
pockets.

THOUGHTS FOR A THANKSGIVING SPEECH

The manner in which the day was first instituted. The sore struggles and
the small beginnings of that day compared with the greatness and abounding
prosperity of the present. The warfare between Christmas and Thanksgiving,
the one being thought the badge of popery and prelacy. The Battle of the
Pies, pumpkin and mince, terminating in a treaty of peace and alliance;
and now we can enjoy the nightmare by feasting on both combined! The
national blessings of the year; the poorest have more now than kings and
emperors had five hundred years ago. Exemption from wars. Internal peace.
Willingness and habit of settling every domestic dispute by the ballot, and
not the bullet. The increasing tendency to arbitrate between nations, thus
avoiding the horrors of war. The beneficence of our government and the ease
with which its operations rest upon our shoulders. The wonderful progress
of science and invention, and the manner in which these have added to the
comfort of all the people.

SELECTED OUTLINE FOE A THANKSGIVING SPEECH

Why we ought to be grateful to the old Puritans, with all their faults.
Their unsuccessful warfare on plum pudding, which, like truth, "crushed
to earth," rose again. Their discovery and enshrining of Turkey. On this
day the Nation gathers as a family at the Thanksgiving board, and from all
parts of the world the wanderers come home to the family feast. The duty of
Happiness, joined to gratitude, is emphasized this day. The closing toast,
"The Federal Eagle and the Festal Turkey; may we always have peace under
the wings of the one, and be able to obtain a piece from the breast of the
other."

PRESENTATION ADDRESSES

Giving a present is a kind and graceful act, and should be accompanied by a
simple, short, and unaffected speech. "Take this" would have the merit of
brevity, but would fail in conveying any information as to _who_ gave,
why they gave _to the recipient_, and why _that_ present was
selected rather than another, and why _the speaker_ was chosen to
make the presentation. All of these items form a part of nearly every
presentation address, whilst some of them belong to all.

The novice will find much help in preparing his proposed speech by
selecting a few items that are generally appropriate; afterward he can
include anything which his own genius or wishes may suggest.

He may say that an abler speaker might have been selected for the pleasant
duty, but not one who could enter into it more heartily or with more good
wishes. He can refer to any circumstance which, if told briefly, will
show why he has been selected, notwithstanding his reluctance or sense of
unworthiness; or why he is pleased that the selection has fallen upon him.
Such reference is usually effective.

Then the nature of the gift may be described. Here is an easy field for a
little pleasantry. If a watch, it can be said, "Your friends are growing a
little suspicious of you, and, after due deliberation, they have determined
to a place _a watch_ upon you." If a cane is the article in hand, then
the painful duty of administering punishment for offenses by _caning_
is in order. A ring will afford an opportunity for many verbal plays. The
ring of friends about the recipient, the true ring of a bell, or of an
uncracked vase, a political ring--any of these can be made to lead up to
the little hoop of gold. The fineness of the material, its sterling and
unvarying value, the inscription on it, any specialty in its form--all
these will be found rich in suggestion. Silverware of any kind may also be
considered as to the form of the article, the use to which it is to be put,
and the purity of the metal. Hardly any article can be thought of which
will not allow some pleasant puns or _bon mots_. If a book is given,
we bring the person "to book," and the book to him. Job wished that his
enemy might write a book; we, more charitable, wish our friend to read a
book, and now offer him a good one for the purpose. The author or the title
will, if closely examined, yield some matter for play on words.

The army presents of sword or banner, while usually more serious, do not
forbid the same kind of badinage.

But this should form only a small portion of the speech, and consist merely
of two or three well-studied sentences, to be uttered slowly, so that their
double meaning may have time to sink in, and appear also as if they were
just thought of. A good anecdote should be introduced at this point.
It must be short, tinged with humor, and, if it succeeds in arousing
the attention of the hearers, it will be of great value. If it is very
appropriate or highly illustrative, these qualities will compensate for
humor. Indeed, a felicitous anecdote will make the whole speech a success,
if the speech is not continued too long afterward. Better suffer the
extreme penalty of reading every anecdote in this volume, and of searching
for hours in other fields, than fail to get the right one; but if
unsuccessful invent one for the occasion!

The good qualities of the recipient must not be overlooked, especially
those in recognition of which the present is given. If anything in the
nature of the present itself can be made symbolic of these assumed good or
great qualities, it will be a happy circumstance. And while flattery should
not be excessive or too palpable, it is seldom indeed that a large dose
of "pleasant things" will not be well received by all parties on such an
occasion.

The expression of kindly feeling and good wishes always affords a favorable
opportunity for closing. Perhaps, however, a more striking conclusion can
be made by taking advantage of the very moment when the present is handed
over to the recipient, accompanying this act with a hearty wish for its
long retention and its happy use in the manner its nature indicates.
Wishing a ring to be worn as a memento of friendship, a watch to mark the
passage of happy hours, a cane not to be needed for support, but only as a
treasured ornament, a sword to be worn with honor and only to be unsheathed
at the call of duty or of patriotism, etc.

The reception of a gift is more easy than the presentation, but is at the
same time more embarrassing. The reception is easier, because the essential
part of the response is to say "Thank you," which are very easy words to
utter if the givers are real friends and the present is an appropriate one.
It is more embarrassing because it is always harder to receive a favor
gratefully than to give one. If the gift is a surprise, there is no harm
in saying so, though if it is not a surprise, it is not advisable to tell
an untruth about it. The recipient may say he is embarrassed, and his
embarrassment--whether real or feigned--will create sympathy for him.
Besides, he can ask for indulgence with more grace than the preceding
speaker, as he is supposed to be taken by surprise. He may be so overcome
with emotion as to break down altogether, and yet he will be loudly
applauded.

A still stronger reason for this disparity is that the speaker representing
the givers has been selected, probably out of a large company, to make
his speech, and is thus expected to do it well; but the receiver occupies
_his_ position for a reason that has no connection whatever with
his speech-making powers. If he succeeds in expressing his gratitude
and goodwill to those who have been so generous he will have served the
essential purpose of his speech; but if, in addition, he can gather up
the points made in the presentation speech, assenting to its general
principles, accepting the humorous charges for which he is to be watched,
caned, stoned (when a diamond or other stone is given), or put to the
sword, and gently deprecates the serious flattery offered, he will be
regarded as doing exceedingly well. One phrase he will not be likely to
omit, unless "he loses his head" altogether--"When I look upon this, I will
always remember the feelings of this hour, the kind words uttered, the
appreciation shown." This word "appreciation." with the reiteration of
thanks, will make a very fitting conclusion.

ADDRESSES OF WELCOME

In our country the number of voluntary associations that visit similar
associations, or meet at special times and places is very large. Often such
associations are furnished with free board and lodging by the people of the
place where the assemblage occurs. Facilities for assemblage and enjoyment
are offered and other privileges tendered that are highly appreciated.
Religious bodies, church and philanthropic societies, military and fire
companies, athletic and social clubs, various orders and educational
societies, political bodies, these form only a small proportion of the
endless number of organizations convening and gathering at different
centres, gatherings which serve to keep all parts of our country in close
touch.

It is needless to furnish model speeches for each of these, for the same
general line of remark is adapted to all. The changes of illustration
demanded by the character of the association to be welcomed, and for which
responses are to be made, will be readily understood, and a little study
of the name and character of the place of meeting will make the necessary
local allusions quite easy. The welcome and response for a fire company, or
a baseball club, will not differ much from that for a Christian Endeavor
Society. A few general hints and a little investigation by the novice will
put him on the right track in either case.

ADDRESS OF WELCOME

A clear statement about those who extend the welcome and of those who are
to be welcomed is appropriate. This may be expanded advantageously by
giving a few of the characteristics of each, greater latitude being allowed
in complimenting those who are welcomed than those who entertain. It is
bad taste to spend more time in telling our guests how good and great we
are than in expressing the exalted opinion we have of them for their noble
work, their great fame, or their high purpose; or in declaring the pleasure
we feel and the honor we have in entertaining them. The warmth of the
welcome extended should be expressed in the fullest manner, and as
this is the central purpose of the whole address, it will bear _one
repetition_. A good illustrative story, brief but pointed, may be worked
in somewhere, perhaps in connection with a modest depreciation of our own
fitness or ability adequately to express the strong feelings of those we
represent, though if one can be found having a connection with the visitors
themselves, it will be still better. What we wish our visitors to do while
with us may also be appropriately referred to. If there are places of
interest for them to visit, work for them to do, or special entertainments
provided,--here is additional matter for remark. All these items may be
run through in a few minutes, and then the address should close. The most
bungling and formal welcome, if short, will be enjoyed more and be more
applauded than the most graceful and eloquent one unduly prolonged. Should
however, in spite of this warning, more "filling in" be desired of an
appropriate character, it may be found almost without limit in setting
forth the claim of the cause which both the visitors and the entertainers
represent--athletic sports, religion, benevolence, education, or what not.

ADDRESS IN RESPONSE

This may be still more brief than the address of welcome. To say that the
reception is hearty, that it gives pleasure and is gratefully received
and appreciated, is all that is essential. An invitation to return the
visit should not be forgotten, if circumstances are such that it can be
appropriately made. Then the speaker has an opportunity to review any
portion of the preceding speech and express his indorsement of any of the
assertions made. He should not dissent from them, unless this dissent can
be made the means of a little adroit flattery by placing a higher estimate
upon the entertainers and their services than their own speaker has done,
or by modestly disclaiming some of the praise that has been given. The
novice must avoid being carried too far by this fascinating review, both as
to the quantity and the quality of the disagreement.

A closing sentence may be, "Allow me once more, most heartily, to thank
you for this generous welcome to--your homes--your headquarters--to the
hospitalities of your city," as the case may be.

WEDDING AND OTHER ANNIVERSARIES

Another wide field for the oratory of entertainment is to be found in the
various celebrations that mark the passage of specific or notable portions
of time--centennial, semi-centennial, and quadrennial; likewise weddings,
annual, tin, paper, crystal, silver, and golden. The speeches for these
differ widely in character. They may take the form of congratulatory
addresses, of toasts and responses, or more formal addresses. All
dedications come in the same category. Generally the shorter intervals call
for light and humorous speeches, while the longer ones demand something
more grave and thoughtful.

The following speech and response for a wooden (fifth) wedding anniversary
is taken from a volume of ready made speeches. It is a fine example of
that wit and play upon words which is never more suitable or more highly
appreciated than on such an occasion.

SPEECH FOR A WOODEN WEDDING

If it is a good maxim not to halloo till you are out of the woods, our kind
host and hostess must be very quiet this evening, for it seems to me that
they are in the thick of it. If their friends had been about to burn them
alive instead of to wish them joy on their fifth wedding-day, they could
scarcely have brought a greater quantity of combustible material to the
sacrifice. What shall we say to them on this ligneous occasion? Of course,
we must congratulate them on their willingness to renew their matrimonial
vows after five years of double-blessedness. In this age of divorce it is
something worthy of note, that a pair who have been one and inseparable for
even so short a period as the twentieth part of a century, should stand up
proudly before the world and propose to strengthen the original compact
with a new one. They look as happy and contented as if they had never heard
of Chicago, or seen those tempting little advertisements in the newspapers
that propose to separate man and wife with immediate dispatch for a
reasonable consideration. Instead of going to court to cut the nuptial bond
in twain, it appears that they have been _courting_ for five years
with the view of being remarried this evening. Vaccination, it is said,
wears out in seven years, but matrimony, we see, in this instance, at
least, takes a stronger hold of the parties inoculated as time rolls on;
and although in this case they are willing to go through the operation
again, it is not for the sake of making assurance doubly sure, but in order
to enjoy marriage as a luxury. With this happy specimen of a wooden wedding
before them our young unmarried friends will see that they can go into the
_joinery_ business with but little risk of getting into the wrong
box. In fact, it is because connubial bliss beats every other species
of felicity all hollow that we have met this evening to requite it with
hollow-ware. In the name of all their friends I affectionately congratulate
the doubly-married pair on their past happiness and future prospects, and
hope they may live to celebrate their fiftieth wedding day and receive a
_golden_ reward.

BRIDEGROOM IN REPLY

"For self and partner"--as men associated in business sometimes conclude
their letters--I offer to you and all our friends who have obliged us
with their presence, the thanks of the firm which renews its articles
of partnership this evening. We welcome you heartily to our home, well
knowing that your kind wishes are not like--your useful and elegant tokens
of remembrance--_hollow-ware_. When Birnam Wood came to Dunsinane,
Macbeth was conquered, and it seems to me that you have come almost as well
provided with timber as Macduff and Malcolm were. Your articles, however,
although of wood, are not of the Burn 'em kind, and I am not such a Dunce
inane as to decline accepting them. Indeed, my wife, who, notwithstanding
her matrimonial vows, has a _single eye_--to housekeeping--would not
permit me to refuse them were I so inclined. She knows their value better
than I do, and with the assistance of her kitchen cabinet will, I have no
doubt, employ them usefully.

The speech closes with thanks and good wishes in return.

TOASTS

A toast may be given either with or without sentiment attached, and in
either case a response equally fitting; but in the former the subject is
narrowed and defined by the nature of the sentiment. Yet the speaker need
not hold himself closely to the sentiment, which is often made rather a
point of departure even by the ablest speakers. Indeed, the latitude
accorded to after-dinner speeches is very great, and a sentiment which
gives unity and direction to the speech made in response to it is, on that
account, of great value.

To illustrate these points we will take the toast "Our Flag." A speech in
response would be practically unlimited in scope of treatment. Anything
patriotic, historical or sentimental, which brings in some reference to the
banner, would be appropriate. But let this sentiment be added: "May the
justness and benevolence which it represents ever charm the heart, as its
beauty charms the eye," and the outline of a speech is already indicated.
Has our nation always been just and kind? Where and how have these
qualities been most strikingly manifested? Why have we seemed sometimes
to come short of them, and how should such injustice or harsh dealing be
remedied, with as much rhetorical admixture of the waving folds and the
glittering stars as the speaker sees fit to employ.

From these considerations may be deduced the rule that when the proposer
of a toast wishes to leave the respondent the freedom of the whole subject
he will give the toast alone, or accompanied by a motto of the most
non-committal character. But if he wishes to draw him out in a particular
direction he will put the real theme in the sentiment that follows the
toast.

SENTIMENTS SUGGESTED BY A TOAST

Years ago a speaker provoked a controversy (maliciously and with no good
excuse) which scarcely came short of blows, by proposing as a toast the
name of a general of high rank, but who was unfortunate in arms. He was
a candidate for office. Added to the toast was the sentiment, "May his
political equal his military victories." This was in bad taste, indeed, but
it shows the use that can be made of the sentiment, when added to a toast,
in fixing attention in a certain direction.

The number of sentiments suggested by the common and standard toasts is
unlimited. Take the toast "Home," as an example.

Home: The golden setting in which the brightest jewel is "Mother."

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